As the festively decorated and vilely worded cake indicates, it is my birthday.
Yes, this particular April 22 marks the 49th anniversary in which I was expelled from Nonanel Crews Kendrick’s womb./
She’s called Nonie for short…which she is. She stands right at four feet 10 inches, but make no mistake, she is incredibly tall and stalwart in every possible way.
She’s still an impressive woman, a few years away from reaching octogenarian status, but don’t let the age fool you. She’s successful in an industry that traditionally, has put more than a few good ol’ boys on their collective asses. She’s smart and tough and as we say here in Texas, “don’t mess with Mama.” She divorced my father more than 30 years ago. They continue to be disparate personalities. His name is Louis, so of course, that means my sisters, Kathy and Karol and I are all productions of NonieLou Studios.
Mine was The Big N’s third and final Cesarean section birth and deftly handled by a San Antonio OB/GYN named Dr. Meadows or Edwards or something something acutely Anglo sounding.
Over the years, my mater regaled me with stories about my nine month relationship with my obstetrician. Dr. White Guy used to marvel at my how active I was en utero—apparently, I’d kick a lot. He called these the actions of a very impatient child who once born, would be on a mission in life. The good doctor once joked that when he extricated me from my uterine hostel, he thought he saw random scratchings on the walls of my fleshy, cavernous dwelling.
Then, he looked closer and saw this:
And realized I was an artistically precocious fetus, as well as an impatient one.
And why not? I had things to do, people to see. Besides, I incubated inside that woman for nine months. Then, I spent about 18 years incubating beside her and now, 31 years later, I have become Laurie Kendrick–an incredible specimen that grew from concave tittied female sapling to this incredible adult/woman/sister/daughter with no concept of the tautological constructs that exist in contemporary English.
Because it’s my birthday and I have almost everything I could ask for—almost—I’ve decided that I’m going to give something, instead of asking for something as I would ordinarily.
My present to you is unsolicited advice.
You see, I’ve learned something very important in recent days. I learned that if you seek approval from others, you’ll only be disappointed. Besides, you have to be OK with who and what you are before anyone else will.
I also learned that as a species, we humans aren’t very nice to each other. Some of us can be cruel. Vicious even.
We hear about illegal immigrants here in Houston who spent three days carjacking women, knifing one in the process who refused to give up her keys because her four month old baby was still in her car seat.
That 36-year-old mother of four died a few hours later.
We hear about teenage girls in Florida who beat up an innocent girl for the sole purpose of recording it and playing it on You Tube.
We hear about muggings, break-ins and robberies, rapes, identity theft, politicians who are on the take, rich corporate CEO’s who get richer through malfeasance and we hear way too much about the dissolution of loving relationships, due to self-centered behavior.
We hear about destructive behaviors.
Abused husbands and wives; emotionally tortured boyfriends and girlfriends.
There’s cursed, cursed infidelity.
There are women who are left with nothing when their worthless husbands (and “baby daddies”) walk out on them, leaving them to raise kids as best they can. Single motherdom makes these women incredibly angry, bitter and resentful. They’re miserable so they make other people miserable. Like who?
Other bloggers come to mind. You know who you are.
But I digress…
If you want to give me something for my birthday, then think about these things for a second, then please, employ them in your life:
- Be tolerant, but make sure your tolerance has a cap. Don’t take abuse of ANY kind. Ever
- Don’t take people for granted
- Love grandly, but not stupidly. There’s no such thing as unconditional love. You should never love someone who hurts you or inflicts pain on purpose
- Be polite
- Be kind
- Be considerate
- Intent never precludes action and actions ALWAYS speak louder than words
- But you must always understand the incredible dynamic involved when these three words, “I love you” are spoken. Say them often and mean it
- Don’t lie. Be honest with others and yourself, especially
- Be generous with your time, your money and your affection
- Never waste time. It’s too precious
And lastly, when everything is said and done, know this: people are made to be loved and things are made to be used. The reason why there’s so much goddamn strife in the world today is because we confuse the two. So often, things are loved and people are used.
That’s no way to live…
Well, there you have it.
With maturity comes wisdom; acuity, if you will and these just-realized axioms are part of my new screed and I want you to know that I meant everything I wrote. I want you to find happiness. I want this more than anything. Frankly, I’m a bit surprised just how authentic I’m being here.
It’s truly my present to you.
So, happy 49th to me. I sincerely hope this birthday I can give…..as good as I get.
PS…You know when you’ve arrived when a very respected Estonian journalist makes you your own special birthday video.