April 22, 1959 – April 22, 2008

It\'s Laurie\'s Birthday!!!!!

.

As the festively decorated and vilely worded cake indicates, it is my birthday.

Yes, this particular April 22 marks the 49th anniversary in which I was expelled from Nonanel Crews Kendrick’s womb./

She’s called Nonie for short…which she is. She stands right at four feet 10 inches, but make no mistake, she is incredibly tall and stalwart in every possible way.

She’s still an impressive woman, a few years away from reaching octogenarian status, but don’t let the age fool you. She’s successful in an industry that traditionally, has put more than a few good ol’ boys on their collective asses. She’s smart and tough and as we say here in Texas, “don’t mess with Mama.” She divorced my father more than 30 years ago. They continue to be disparate personalities. His name is Louis, so of course, that means my sisters, Kathy and Karol and I are all productions of NonieLou Studios.

I know….

Mine was The Big N’s third and final Cesarean section birth and deftly handled by a San Antonio OB/GYN named Dr. Meadows or Edwards or something something acutely Anglo sounding.

Over the years, my mater regaled me with stories about my nine month relationship with my obstetrician. Dr. White Guy used to marvel at my how active I was en utero—apparently, I’d kick a lot. He called these the actions of a very impatient child who once born, would be on a mission in life. The good doctor once joked that when he extricated me from my uterine hostel, he thought he saw random scratchings on the walls of my fleshy, cavernous dwelling.

Then, he looked closer and saw this:

And realized I was an artistically precocious fetus, as well as an impatient one.

And why not? I had things to do, people to see. Besides, I incubated inside that woman for nine months. Then, I spent about 18 years incubating beside her and now, 31 years later, I have become Laurie Kendrick–an incredible specimen that grew from concave tittied female sapling to this incredible adult/woman/sister/daughter with no concept of the tautological constructs that exist in contemporary English.

Obviously.

Because it’s my birthday and I have almost everything I could ask for—almost—I’ve decided that I’m going to give something, instead of asking for something as I would ordinarily.

My present to you is unsolicited advice.

You see, I’ve learned something very important in recent days. I learned that if you seek approval from others, you’ll only be disappointed. Besides, you have to be OK with who and what you are before anyone else will.

I also learned that as a species, we humans aren’t very nice to each other. Some of us can be cruel. Vicious even.

Murderous, too.

We hear about illegal immigrants here in Houston who spent three days carjacking women, knifing one in the process who refused to give up her keys because her four month old baby was still in her car seat.

That 36-year-old mother of four died a few hours later.

We hear about teenage girls in Florida who beat up an innocent girl for the sole purpose of recording it and playing it on You Tube.

We hear about muggings, break-ins and robberies, rapes, identity theft, politicians who are on the take, rich corporate CEO’s who get richer through malfeasance and we hear way too much about the dissolution of loving relationships, due to self-centered behavior.

We hear about destructive behaviors.

Abused husbands and wives; emotionally tortured boyfriends and girlfriends.

There’s cursed, cursed infidelity.

There are women who are left with nothing when their worthless husbands (and “baby daddies”) walk out on them, leaving them to raise kids as best they can. Single motherdom makes these women incredibly angry, bitter and resentful. They’re miserable so they make other people miserable. Like who?

Other bloggers come to mind.Β Β  You know who you are.

But I digress…

If you want to give me something for my birthday, then think about these things for a second, then please, employ them in your life:

  • Be tolerant, but make sure your tolerance has a cap. Don’t take abuse of ANY kind. Ever
  • Don’t take people for granted
  • Love grandly, but not stupidly. There’s no such thing as unconditional love. You should never love someone who hurts you or inflicts pain on purpose
  • Be polite
  • Be kind
  • Be considerate
  • Intent never precludes action and actions ALWAYS speak louder than words
  • But you must always understand the incredible dynamic involved when these three words, “I love you” are spoken. Say them often and mean it
  • Don’t lie. Be honest with others and yourself, especially
  • Be generous with your time, your money and your affection
  • Never waste time. It’s too precious

And lastly, when everything is said and done, know this: people are made to be loved and things are made to be used. The reason why there’s so much goddamn strife in the world today is because we confuse the two. So often, things are loved and people are used.

That’s no way to live…

Or love.

.

Well, there you have it.

With maturity comes wisdom; acuity, if you will and these just-realized axioms are part of my new screed and I want you to know that I meant everything I wrote. I want you to find happiness. I want this more than anything. Frankly, I’m a bit surprised just how authentic I’m being here.

It’s truly my present to you.

So, happy 49th to me. I sincerely hope this birthday I can give…..as good as I get.

,

P

PS…You know when you’ve arrived when a very respected Estonian journalist makes you your own special birthday video.

Thanks Larko!!

44 comments

  1. Allow me to be the first to wish you Happy LaurieMas.

    BTW sage words of advice the world would be a much nicer place if more folks lived by these.

  2. Well, little Sis. So now you’re 49 years old. Seems like yesterday you and I were riding around in old Eunice, me smoking my cigarettes and you singing your heart out to the 70s tunes blaring on the radio. After Kathy got married and left, you and I had to kinda take care of each other. Mother and Daddy had their own problems and you and I were more or less left to fend for ourselves. Which, I might add, wasn’t such a bad deal after all. Remember the lost weekend? And the way you caught Virgil sleeping?

    We had a lot of great times back then and I want to thank you for helping make those great memories.

    A big thank you for being one of my sisters. I hold both of you close to my heart.

    So, Laurie, here’s to your birthday. May this day be the beginning of the rest of your life.

    Next year you’ll be a half century old.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! We love you.

  3. Happy Birthday Laurie Kendrick! If I COULD, I’d sing it to you, myself.
    Thank you for giving US a gift … in the form of your insightful words of wisdom. They were wonderful! Only thing I might alter would be your statement “There is no such thing as unconditonal love.” There IS unconditional love, freely given to each one of us from our Maker, the great Understander who is always there for us, no matter what.
    Finally, as “crude” as your humor can SOMETIMES be, you are a truly funny girl — with a great, big beautiful heart! I appreciate (and look forward to) your daily sharings very, very much.

  4. Ah, Patty thank you from my sometimes crude and enlarged heart!

    Your words are too kind. Seriously, I appreciate them immensely.

    I never discount anyone’s personal interpretation of Divine love, but I wasn’t talking about that in this case. I was talking about the we have for each other and I meant what I said by “there’s no such thing as unconditional love”.

    We should NEVER love anyone to the point where abuse, cruelty and mistreatment are deemed acceptable behaviors. But all too often we do, under the guise of love.

    I worry about that. I hate when people hurt.

    I hate when I hurt.

    The ultimate birthday present would be at the very least, a pain and angst free day.

    Well, I can always hope.

    LK

  5. Yes and you tell them to call me if they have any questions. By the way, thank you, Larko. You promised you’d remember my birthday and dammit. you did. You ARE a man of your word.

    Sadly, there are so very few of you in the world these days!!

    LK

  6. Happy, happy birthday Laurie! Thank your deity of choice that I’m not close enough to sing it to you. (You’re welcome.) I’m having a birthday drink in your honor (actually, it’s a hot toddy. I’m sicker than hell. But, you know, two birds, one stone…) I hope that the next year is everything you want it to be. All the best,

    G

  7. Thanks Kristine…it’s been a while. Good to hear from you again.

    And my little Ginny–You so cute!! And I don’ mean that in an Ellen Degeneres way..

    Larko..who’s the other kind, man of his word? Can’t help you there. Obviously, I haven’t met him yet.

    LK

  8. humor and poignancy blended with absolute perfection like most of your creations.I’m always surprised that quality writing with genuine humor like yours is not in print, like it’s supposed to be, but available for free like this. Oh, well, we’re not complainin’ πŸ˜€
    I think all your fans would agree that you are the biggest hit to ever come out of NonieLou Studios.
    Happy Birthday!
    Plus, if a buff guy shows up at your place dressed like a slutty version of the Pope, don’t go get your shotgun. That’s just the entertainment your fans have arranged for your big day πŸ˜€
    We’ve even paid him enough to whip out his Holy Grail at the end of the night.

  9. Happy Birthday ‘ol friend. I can’t believe we are 49. Here’s to a happy future! We deserve it.

  10. Happy Birthday to you, too, Cheryl. A day later. Hope you had a great one. Hard to believe you and Laurie (two rug rats) will be 50 next year.

  11. A Very Very Happy Birthday Laurie. Great, great post, so thank you. You have an uncanny knack of bowling me over with your words at just the right time. I’m stuffing boojabooja chocolates in your honour. They’re so good! Well i would if i had some anyway. Seriously – have an amazing day.

  12. Happy Birthday Laurie! Hope you have a wonderful day! Thanks so much for your present to us!

    One comment: “Single motherdom makes these women incredibly angry, bitter and resentful” – Then there are those of us who simply realize that it’s the beginning of a new day, new chapter, new life … and move on, leaving the hate and resentment behind. Kids feed off their parents emotions … bitchy, angry Mom’s lead to bitchy, angry kids … hence the violent YouTube videos πŸ˜‰

    Enjoy your day!
    K

  13. Kim,

    Right you are and I want you and everyone to know that I am referring to one “extremely bitchy, angry, resentful single mom who takes it out on bloggers” in particular.

    LK

  14. Happy Birthday Laurie!

    I’m so glad I had met you in the blog world. I have learned much from reading your posts. And this one. Every one of your posts make me laugh, think, reflect… you are an intellegent strong woman. But, of course… I think you already know that. πŸ™‚

  15. Thank you Karol. I had a very nice birthday. I will be 49 and holding for the rest of my life, I am not looking forward to 50!

  16. I’m sure she see’s herself in your words, Laurie. I’m sure her friends recognized her too. And that’s really the sad part. Once she realized you were talking about her, she had already admitted to herself that she is what you say she is.

  17. Best wishes for many more happy birthdays. Heck, the fun part is just beginning for you. Keep us laughing.

  18. Happy Birthday to a wonderful lady and I hope you have a great day! And thank you for your wonderful words of wisdom!

  19. Happy Birthday to you Laurie! Wonderful points you have made here.

    You are about 3 years ahead of me. If you are anything like me, age does not bother me.

    Keep on writing!

  20. I am unforgivably late to the birthday mazel tovs. I’m like the deadbeat dad who shows up during the final minutes of his daughter’s birthday party and gives her a pack of cigarettes and some stale corn nuts he picked up at a gas station. Then he helps himself to a beer, pats her on the head and says “see you next year” before skipping town again. I’m that kind of douchebag.

    Not to suggest there’s an Oedipal thing going on between us. That would be all sorts of weird. But by bringing it up, now I can’t stop thinking about it. Do I subconsciously think I’m your dad – and a deadbeat dad at that – even though I’m a younger than you and the math doesn’t quite work out. Or is my Oedipal complex actually directed at your father, who I’ve never met and yet somehow I’m determined to replace? Do I have the hots for your mom? Whoa.

    Well, I’ve clearly said too much. Wish I’d just said “happy birthday” and been done with it. Is it too late for that? Happy birthday, Laurie! I am SO not your father.

    Eric

  21. What a wonderful post! As another person commented, the world would be a much nicer place if all folks followed your rules for happiness.

    Happy Belated Birthday, Toots. And congrats on the new beginnings. πŸ™‚

  22. Happy Belated Birthday! So it was YOUR birthday yet you were giving US the gift of so much wisdom! Some great stuff near the end about love…”love grandly but not stupidly”, I really like that πŸ™‚

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