John loved Paula.
Paula adored John.
They met their Senior year in college. She was an Education major; he was getting his Business degree. His father was leaving him the family business–a small, but successful pharmaceutical firm.
Life was good. John bought Paula the ring of her dreams and they were engaged in St Bart’s. He asked her to be his wife, while kneeling before her on the veranda of a beautiful waterfront villa at sunset. She said yes and afterwards, they sipped Cristal and toasted their life together.
Happiness was theirs.
But the theory of convergence can be an evil bastard.
Six months later, as they drove together to meet with a florist about wedding details, a drunk driver fell asleep at the wheel, crossed the median on the Interstate and hit John and Paula’s car head on. They were killed instantly.
The couple instantaneously found themselves disembodied and floating just above the car. They took a look at the crumpled heap and their battered and lifeless, earthly vessels inside it and realize that they are dead.
They started floating skyward.
Seconds later, they found themselves sitting on a cloud for two, outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, Paula and John have their first conversation as a newly dead couple.
“I love you, Paula.”
“I love you, too John”.
“I wish I could’ve married you, Babe. I had a dress you would’ve loved.”
“Well Honey, this IS Heaven. Maybe something can be done about that here! ”
Just then, they heard their names called. They walked up to the gate, still hand and hand.
And there he was…St. Peter. He was a lovely man; angelic looking. He wore glasses and a long flowing white robe. He was dutifully typing away at a computer. Yes, Heaven is hi-tech.
“Wow!”, says John. “Love you I-T set up, St. Peter.”
“Why thank you, John. We try to stay current.”
“So, what’s the brand of your PC?”
“We use Apple. Kinda seemed fitting considering all that went down in the Garden of Eden. As you might imagine, Eve is up here and we make her use a Dell. Slow…horrible firewall, but as you well know, payback’s a bitch!!”
The three of them laughed.
Then Paula said, “St. Peter, as you know, we were killed on our way to our rehearsal for our wedding. We love each other very much and really would love to spend eternity together. Is there anyway we can get married in Heaven?”
Saint Peter says, “Gee, I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me find out.”
“Oh and by the way, St Peter”, John said. “We’re Catholic, if that makes a difference.”
St. Peter grabbed a clipboard, made a few notes and said, “Every bit of info helps. Back in a flash”.
And with that, they heard a harp glissando and St. Peter disappeared in a heavenly poof.
The couple sat back down on their cloud and waited for an answer.
A a couple of months went by.
While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all.
What if it doesn’t work?” they wondered, “Are we stuck together FOREVER?”
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned looking some what bedraggled. “Yes,” he informed the couple, “You CAN get married in Heaven.”
“Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground, saying things under his breath.
“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple.
“OH, COME ON!!” Saint Peter shouted, “It took me five months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?