While perusing the Intrawebnetsphere last month, I stumbled upon a great blog calledCookie In Hand”, that included the clever post you are about to read.

I then felt compelled to leave a comment which was hardly as ingenious, but it seemed to work and since I am now GAINFULLY EMPLOYED AGAIN (is that Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus I hear in the offing???), I didn’t have to time to write anything else.

Dig it.

Dear Tech Support;

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance- –

Particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 NBA 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix theses problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: “http:I thought You loved me.HTML” and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5But remember, overuse of the above applications can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5., Happy Hour 7.0 and Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT INSTALL Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support.




  1. on 16 Mar 2008 at 8:21 am4 Laurie Kendrick

This was very clever. I enjoyed it very much.

I too, am looking to upgrade soon.

I got so damn tired of all the 404 errors I was encountering with other computers. Each one of them crashed and repeatedly. Ultimately, I had to come to terms that the problem was complete and utter incompatibility; with my circuitry, mainly.

Plus, to add insult to injury, I found their printers frequently scanning other documents when I wasn’t looking.

I stopped trying to figure out computers for a while. I refused to even log on and I didn’t go near one for five years. But after a while, I realized that I needed one; I wanted one. I missed the way it gave me entre to the world.

So, I bought another computer recently…about a year ago, to be exact. It’s an older model…gently used and might I add, very well broken in. I like it because its keyboard is still very responsive to touch and I am delighted with every download, which is slow. I prefer a slower process, which I find is prevalent in older, stable models. And that’s a very good thing.

True, it doesn’t have a lot of bells or whistles, but it’s dependable. It does exactly what it says it will do and it’s brilliant with attachments. Late model computers don’t seem to understand how attachments work but older computers do.

I’m also very impressed with it’s hardware and I’ve been pleasantly surprised that an older model has as much RAM. It’s performance is stellar and the best part? Floppy discs don’t seem to be a problem either.

All in all, it’s an AMAZING educational tool. My computer has taught me amazing things. In fact, it’s schooling me in many ways.

And that means I am content. I am happy and for the first time in my almost 49 years on this planet, I actually love computation. I really do!!

Gotta go. I suddenly just realized that I’m in the mood for a megabyte.

Laurie Kendrick


  1. I think this is a must read for all of us Singles and wannabe couples – it is just so true. Is this why so many Singles just enjoy the dating so much…

  2. To: Tech Support

    Last year I upgraded my system from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began creating problems within the system processing and that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

    Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

    Applications such as Poker Night 2.3, Girlfriend 3.2 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the entire system whenever selected 😦

    I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while running my other favorite applications. Whichever module or software I enter, only Wife 1.0 seems to run and nothing else.

    I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall from Wife 1.0 to Girlfriend 7.0 does not work on this program. Can you help me, please!!!

    Dear User,

    This is a very common problem men users of the Wife 1.0 software complain about but it is mostly due to a primary misconception of the software.

    Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.

    Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within the system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 anyway, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed !!

    You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under “Worries Invited For Ever (Wife 1.0)”.

    I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding general partnership faults (GPFs).

    You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action to solve this major IT problem of yours will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.

    In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

    Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.

    Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend you to install the latest gift software like Flowers 2.1, Necklaces 3.2, and Chocolates 5.0.

    Note: Do not under any circumstances, install Secretary With Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application; in fact it is a deadly virus for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

  3. Congrats on the new gig LK! As for the post above–another warning that many should be aware of–if Nagging 5.3 is added too often, Husband 1.0 will install Deafness 2.9 and eventually Deaf/Mute 9.3–which is a deadly program to the entire system.

And now, you may opine your ass off...

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