Worship My Blog…It Turns 1

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Yes chidrins, this blog; this little threadbare literary oeuvre has now been entertaining and dismaying your asses for one whole year.

It’s hard to believe my blog baby is one! ONE!!!!! Where has the time gone? I remember it’s birthday like it was yesterday.

(Initiate FLASHBSACK sequence)

I woke up one morning in late March, 2007 feeling a little out of sorts. I’d been carrying around the idea of starting a blog in my head for the past nine months and my brain was just full of stories, brimming actually, and I knew that something had to be done. My imagination was plump with vile, comedic ideas and long, rambling stories that have absolutely no social relevance.

So, I called my OB/PSYCH, who urged me to come to the library as soon as possible. I waddled into the Emergency Reading Room and told the librarian that I was there to give birth to my first creative process via the written word.

She brought me into to the ERR and told me to sit down at a computer desk and place my hands own the keyboard. I was nervous; I’d never given birth to a literary brain child before. So, I sat there all by myself and a million thoughts were running through my head.

I should tell you that at this particular point in time in my life, I was an unwed blogger. I’d be writing this blog all by myself. I knew it would be a tremendous responsibility trying to write comedy all alone on a daily basis, but I was OK with that; a lot of women were doing it…even the older ones; a guild in which which I happen to be a member. But make no mistake, I knew that I was still quite viable as an older female blogger. I was and still am fully capable of mixed metaphors and multiple sarcasms.

My OB/PSYCH entered the ERR and sat down beside me. We spoke briefly and then, he asked how I would to deliver my blog. Would I do it myself or would I use a surrogate writer? I told him that I’d be the sole writer. He then asked me how I’d raise my blog and I responded that while rather limited in style and scope, I felt it best that my blog start out in a WordPress environment, mainly because it was free, which was perfect for my situation at the time.

He agreed.

He then asked if I was ready. I told him that I was.

At first, we thought my blog was in a breach position. Someone else was already using the name I wanted, so that was rectified; I decided to use my name. Seconds later, ideas started spewing forth through my fingers and the keyboard was ablaze and my screen was filled with self-perceived brilliance. Delivery was a piece of cake and relatively swift.

No precepts were used to pull posts out of me.

I immediately took my blog home to the office I had prepared for it. I painted it sunny yellow and above my desk, I hung an inspirational mobile featuring the likenesses of the literary giants–Fran Leibowitz, Flannery O’Connor and Eric Estrada.

In the beginning, my blog was typical in that it had a voracious appetite. I fed it constantly. Posts about me and my life mostly, but I made a vow that I would NEVER feed it or my readers pablum. I have tried very hard to avoid that pitfall.

Then, as I got to know my blog and what it could and would digest. Initially, it suckled on the teat of conformity. That worked well in the beginning, but then I wanted to try new things. I wanted to pluck freely from the arsenal that was being replenished daily by my fertile imaginata. Eventually, I attempted observational humor, then moved on to opinion pieces and satire. I recently added a little political punditry to its diet. I had to pull back a little when I realized my blog was severely allergic to some things. Namely, certain Democratic presidential hopefuls. It may come as no surprise that many Conservative blogs also suffer the same nut allergy.

But maladies be damned!!

My blog did as nature intended: it crawled in the beginning. Slowly, carefully.

Now, this isn’t to say that mistakes haven’t been made. Sure, I made a few along the way, but I was a first time blogger! I was overprotective; cautious… even so, I still made mistakes many times. Now, those things were bound to happen, but it was in stumbling and falling that I learned so much.

I’ve tried to be a good blogger; a devoted blogger and I believe I can say without hesitation that I’ve always been extremely attentive. I’ve cared for it and nurtured it. Doted on it, actually. Every other hour, I’d obsessively check my blog’s Dashboard for comments. I’d go in and change it’s diatribes whenever they were messy.

It developed well. Within a few months, I taught it all about widgets and photo insertion and even how to embed videos. It was responding to me, too. Its views were increasing exponentially. I was happy. My blog was growing up.

But as I stated earlier, there have been hits and misses; successes and failures; such as the case with any brain-child. And my blog has had it’s share. In November, it was nominated (much to my surprise) as one of the 12 Funniest Blogs in the 2007 Weblog Awards. I was nervous and anxious for my little seven month old effort. It was so young and inexperienced and up against much older, far more established blogs.

Well, long story short, it came in dead last in the voting. Out of more than 19-thousand votes cast in that category, my blog received less than 250 total. It was bad; nay, it was horrible!!

The Buffalo Bills ’71 season kind of horrible.

My blog understandably, went into a 404 systems error for a while after that, but I understood. It needed downtime to process. The nomination and subsequent loss in the Weblog Awards was it’s first real introduction to that wacky real life theory of convergence: that good and bad things often happen at the same time. It was a disappointment, but disappointments are unavoidable facts of life for a blog and it’s blogger. There’ll be more obstacles and hurdles ahead. Good times, too.

I was very proud of it though. Very proud. It was an honor just to be nominated.

THAT FUCKING CONTEST WAS RIGGED!!!!

Oh, I’m so sorry and quite embarrassed by that outburst. You see, my humor blog suffers from sporadic and intermittent Tourette’s Syndrome. It was born with it.

You know, a mirth defect.

Anyway, we’ve recovered and life has moved on and so have we. One year later, the bog has received just under 165-thousand hits/views and I couldn’t be happier.

My first year as a tenant in this big, multi-family, public housing unit we call the blogosphere, has been wonderful. I’ve met some extraordinary people; some I know will remain in my life, for the rest of my life and I am grateful.

It’s been a tremendous first year and I’ll probably stick around for one more….maybe. I know I have at least six month’s worth of material in me. But 2008 will probably be my last year. I’m still debating whether to extend or not. The problem is that I love to write, but I gotta make some scratch and blogging just isn’t cutting it. So, I think I’m going to write a book. A series of ridiculous short stories probably. I anticipate tens of people buying it and even fewer reading it.

There are many to thank…especially those who found me first:: the always faithful Christine from Magnolia, Greg from Dissonance (your support G man, was and is overwhelming!!), Siggy from Sigmund, Carl and Alfred who was the first blogger to e-mail me and the first to link to me, to Furry Chocolates, who was one of the very first bloggers to leave a comment and who’s never left my side.

And of course, to my sisters, Karol and Kathy, who loved me first.

Lastly, to my readers; I thank you all from the bottom of my slightly enlarged heart. I’ve given you a year and you’ve given me a reason to write. I am indebted. I appreciate your input and your support so very, very much. There are literally millions of blogs out there and you choose to read mine. You come here of your own accord, you sample my writing and some don’t come back, but many of you do daily..some hourly. You leave comments that are good, bad and indifferent. I hope you always will tell me what you think.

As long as it doesn’t reflect badly on me.

Anyway, stay with me for the time we have left and I promise, much, MUCH more hoot to come. ..

I must go now to prepare this one year old for “the terrible two’s”..

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38 comments

  1. I’m not worthy to worship at the Blog of Kendrick!

    It’s amazing what a keyboard and a turkey baster produced.

    Congratulations on the one year birthday of your Baby.

  2. I KNEW it was too good to be true! All of this, daily, for free! I hereby reserve my copy of the undoubtedly hillfuckinarious collection of short stories that I will: 1) proudly tote around, telling people “I know her!” till they avoid eye contact, 2) quote, relentlessly, and 3) eventually leave behind on a city bus.

  3. I blew up one of those tiny really cheap balloons that make you hyperventilate and sometimes pass out IF you don’t get a horrific pounding headache, tied it off, and popped its ass in honor of your blog’s birthday.

    Well, no, I didn’t, but I would have if the package of balloons hadn’t been left in the back of the car for heaven knows how many years because who cleans out the back of their car once the kids are gone, except those anal types who walk funny so the corncob won’t fall out, and melted. The balloons, that is. Anal types melt DOWN. Balloons just melt. It’s science.

    Tonight, I plan to bake a chocolate cake a la Betty Crocker, but I shall tell people it’s homemade because HEY. I made it in my home, didn’t I?

    Come on over and have some with me. Bring ice cream; I left mine in the back seat of the car (it was icy and slipped out of the bag onto the floorboards) and I really don’t think anybody would want any now. However, if you do, bring a spoon. And maybe a spatula for scraping. I haven’t cleaned it up yet because who cleans out the back of their car?

    What time should I expect you? Let me know and I’ll leave the front door unlocked. I live out in bumfuck nowhere anyway, and never lock up, because, unlike velociraptors, possums and raccoons don’t have opposable thumbs, and they’re also short, even when they raise up on their hind legs, and, unlike velociraptors, they don’t work well in cooperation.

    The doorbell has a short in it, so knock and then just walk in. I’ll apologize ahead of time for the psychological trauma you’ll encounter if you see me in my robe. The Smithsonian wanted it for their antique clothing display but I’m still using it.

    Many apologies for saying “ass” and “fuck” up there. I’m really quite civilized and sophisticated, and there are cultured cheeses in my refrigerator. Even though I NEVER say “ass” or “fuck,” I just felt like saying “ass” and “fuck” today.

    Happy Birthday, Laurie’s Blog.

    I’m serious. When are you coming over?

  4. LK’s Blog turns ONE and the world of blogging is better for it.

    Hippo Birdy 2 U,
    Hippo Birdy 2 U,
    Hippo Birdy Deer Laurie,
    Hippo Birdy 2 U!

  5. Happy Birthday! I’m so glad I came across your blog.

    The humor helps me get through the day!

    Cheers!

  6. Happy Birthday, Laurie! I just left a comment over at Siggi’s since that is how I found out that it was your day today. I hope you will have a fun celebration!

  7. Happy B-Day!!! I hope you have many, many, many more.
    You are a very talented person Laurie, keep up the good work. I look forward to your blog everyday. Well, actually it is THE highlight of my day!

    I hope you do write that book old friend! I will be the first in line to buy it!

  8. If I’m having a bad day, coming here always cheers me up!
    Thanks for all your hilarious contributions.

    I originally visited your blogsite to check-out any possible discussion concerning paranormal stuff (related to your old radio show) only to find the cupboard was bare. Instead, however, I found a really funny lady who writes amazingly — and one who frequently expresses as much disgust for Hillary Clinton as I feel. Very therapeutic!

  9. Hi! Yay for you. I have been blogging for 3 years now and my blog has always felt like my baby. So glad I didn’t abort. That baby may become a forgotten step-child, undernourished with holey shoes, but it’s your kid none the less. Time flies when your blogging.

  10. Happy Birthday, I hope to read many more of your Great stories! You alway make me smile, Thank You LK!

  11. Happy Blog Birthday! You, my friend, are hi-larious! I love it!! πŸ™‚ You and Charlotte should have a Pina Colada to celebrate.

  12. I promise to be one of the 10s who buy your book.

    As long as it isn’t called A Good Man is Hard to Find.

  13. Happy blog birthday! I’ve been enjoying your blog for the last couple of months and I was surprised that it was only a year old. I only have one word to describe this blog.

    BRILLIANT!

  14. “No precepts were used to pull posts out of me.” Snort!
    “A mirth defect” BAHAHAHAHA

    Laurie, what will your readers ever do without you?
    Please let us know where the book signings will be. πŸ˜€

  15. “No precepts were used to pull posts out of me.”

    -That kind of writing is one of the many reasons why your blog is chock full o’ WIN!

    Congrats, Laurie, on one year of bloggernacious excellentiousness. We at Ration Reality appreciate your friendship and your talent. Count me among the tens of readers when you get that book published.

    “Zol Zayn mit Mazel”

  16. Thank you Soy and the mere fact that you’ve allowed me into your blogging life, is mizvah enough.

    You and Bagel are like mishpokah to me.

    Onward,

    LK

  17. Can’t believe you have been doing this for a year! Good things are have come out of it and there will be more to come. Congrats and keep on keeping on…….

  18. Congratulations on your blog-anniversary! I would totally grab your blog-face right now and blog-make-out with you a little, whether or not that made you uncomfortable… πŸ˜‰

  19. May Allah bless you and your wonderful blog on this one year anniversary. Without creative geniuses such as yourself, the Internets would consist of suicide-provoking mundanity (i.e. recipes, what I did last night, and why you should vote for Hillary politico propaganda posts) and Viagra advertisements only.

    Your blog stands as a testament to Womankind’s ability to form coherent sentences. Even though you have abandoned your biological imperative (sex slave and baby-producer), you have achieved a vaulted status just below Man.

    Keep up the good work LK πŸ™‚

  20. Laurie,

    Congratulations on the inaugural year of sharing your gift with the rest of us. Please keep up the great work; in fact, make that pretty please.

    Have I told you that you make me laugh out loud? Well, you do, and I like it very much.

    All the best,

    Charlie

  21. J Peeps,

    I am flattered beyond the realm of my own comprehension….especially coming from you, my friend with the cranial expanse.

    However, please note that my days as a sex baby and slave producer only prepared me for my task as a jocularity intense blogger. I am pleased to be (as you so deftly pointed out) just below man’s colon in social status.

    When man gives a shit, I’m there to receive.

    In your own special way, JP, I know this comment is a compliment and I take it as such.

    Seriously, thank you.

    LK

    (Thank you too, Charlie. I am touched)

  22. Love ya LK as you know. So glad you found my blog early and helped shape it into slightly more than pure dribble. Your the best! Congrats on 1 year!

    -Murphy

  23. Congrats on one year, Laurie!

    Your posts are bright lights in my … or … aww geez, wait … no, never mind, i’m just seeing spots again.

    I look forward to every post but you know that!

    Is somebody blushing??

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