What Is Bill Thinking?

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Why state the obvious?

Because I have to.

Former President Bill Clinton is pictured here, not looking very possibly First Lady-like. He seems excruciatingly bored and wanting to be anywhere else.

See how detached, distant and disconnected he looks as he sits there watching his wife, stumping on the stage of some nondescript arena in some nondescript Midwestern town espousing the same campaign rhetoric she espoused that morning and the same campaign rhetoric she’ll espouse that night.

There is much tedium in Hillarydom.

So, what do YOU think Bill is thinking?

I’ll give you some options or you can leave a few of your own.

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1. Why in God’s name did I marry her? Why didn’t I just pull a Vince Foster and put a loaded gun to my mouth? I could’ve married any woman, yet I get stuck with this fella. Why God? Why??????

2. Look at that ass! It looks like two hail damaged butane tanks glued together and shoved in tight, red stretch pants.

3. Somewhere out there, there are two fine looking girls naked in a hot tub. Or even a portly Jewess with no gag reflex, yet here I am, forced to listen to Ho Chi Minnie Pearl over there, regurgitating the same shit Carville wrote for me in back in ’94.

4. Ah Monica. Sweet,sweet Monica. I haven’t thought about her in years. Wonder how she’s doing. Man, we had some good times in the Oval Office. She was a good kid basically. I think she oughta write a book about our sexploits and make a little scratch on the side. If I were her, I entitle it, “It Takes A Spillage”. Now man, that is funny! Ex-prez made a funny! I gotta call Stefanopoulos with that one when I get out of here–whenever the hell that us. Geez, when is that bitch gonna shut up????

5. Wouldya just get a load of Hillary? She is just so damn smug. I remember when we were in San Antonio a few weeks ago. She addressed the crowd in her pigeon Spanish. They responded though. Now they know she’s a bitch in two languages.

6. Oh, I suppose you could say Hillary has her good points. She IS my wife…whatever is, is. And I guess we have a bond of some sort. I mean, after I’ve had mind blowing sex, I always call her to tell her I’ll be home in 30 minutes.

7. You know, it just occurred to me—if I would’ve given Monica some spot remover for that damn blue dress, I bet I’d be in my fourth term as President right now. Stupid U.S. Constitution and term limits. I’d settle for being king. Yeah, I could handle that. King Clinton and my constituents could form a secret society in which I’m worshiped. The media could give it a clever name like “The Clintonatti” or something. But why settle for a despotic regime? I could go even higher? How about Pope Bill? Yeah baby, now we are talkin’!!!

8. I’m thinkin’ about converting to Islam. I was talkin’ to Christiane Amanpour about it the other day. Something about after I die and 9,170 virgins in paradise feeding me cantaloupe balls for eternity kinda appeals to me. Tomorrow, first thing I’m gonna do is go to the bookstore to buy me one of them…uh….uh…what it’s called? The quarry? No, the Korman? A Kidman??? Oh, you know, one of them Muslim books for convertin’.

9.  I wish someone in the media would ask me about her policy on foreign affairs.   I’d tell ’em, she doesn’t even like having sex here in the states!!

13 comments

  1. He’s thinking …

    “Hmmmm. Well, I thought she was a woman… but now I think of it….. maybe she really is a man. I don’t know (sighhhh) … I just don’t think I can handle another night sex and leather. She can’t dominate me anymore!!!”

  2. “Ah, Gennifer Flowers. She was great. Why did I leave even after my 8 years were up? Why? Why? Why?”

  3. “. . . I’m starving; will she never stop talking? Maybe we can stop at KFC and get the Hilary Special: two small breasts, two huge thighs, and a left wing.”

  4. “check out the rack on the heifer in the 5th row…”

    or…

    “HOLY FUCK!!! THE RIGHT SIDE OF MY FACE IS MELTING!!!”

    or, judging by the way his arms are folded…

    “oh, up yours, you unlikable, sanctimonious shrew…”

  5. WHy isn’t it March 28th yet?!?!?!?! Curiousity is killing me…Email me a clue. C’mon, you know you want to….

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