OK, so it’s Thanksgiving. Dinner is over and now that left overs are the order for the next couple of days—days in which you’ll experience that L-Tryptophan high. You now look around you and notice:
- Only the real asshole relatives go home late
- The kids have eaten enough fudge and pie and cake and cookies to give Mexico diabetes.
- You’ll be burping up turkey for days
- The men are in the den with their pants undone, the game is on the tube and the woman folk are in the kitchen, sitting around the table, all talking at once about about their miserable sexless and loveless marriages
But wait! You don’t have to put up with that! There are blogs for you to peruse.
And knowing that, you come to mine????????????
Well then, here you go. You get what you deserve.
This is a fairly easy multiple choice test of your knowledge of popular culture as has existed within the past 53 years.
I don’t like writing posts that are exclusionary, yet this one in particular, will be virtually impossible for most under 45, unless you had/have parents who raised you on at steady diet of “Nick at Night”, along with transformers and Rainbow Brite, whatever the hell that is.
So, take this test, my chidrins. You get one point for every correct answer. Let me know how you fared.
A. Ty Pennington
B. Claude, The Leather Queen Assmaster from San Francisco
C. Aunt Rosa’s Spaghetti and Meatwads
D. Wonder Bread
E. Vodka and Tonic
F. Milk and milk by products
G. Cod Liver Oil
•2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was…
B. Roy Orbison
3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, ‘We have met the enemy and…
A. It’s you
B. He is us
C. It’s Lloyd Nolan, the old curmudgeonly doctor from TV’s “Julia” starring Dianne Carrol, the first black actress to ever star in her own prime time sit com
D. He wasn’t home
E. He’s really mean
F. He’s got a HUGE ass
G. He’s French, therefore he surrendered
4. Good night, David.
A. Good night, Chet
B. Sleep well, ya bastard!
C. Good Night, Irene
D. Good Night, Gracie
E. See you later, alligator
F. Until tomorrow, ya prick ya
G. Good night, Steve
5. You’ll wonder where the yellow went,
A. When you paint your room baboon ass pink
B. When you lose your crayons
C. When you clean your filthy bathtub with so much hair in the drain that it asked if you wanted a falafel
D. When you use Tide
E. If you buy a water softening system; put it in a tan police officer’s uniform, slap on a badge and call it “Ponch”
F. When you use Valtrex
G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6. Before he was the Skipper’s Little Buddy, was Dobie’s friend,
B. Randolph Scott
D. Maynard G. Krebbs
E. John Cocktoastin
F. Dave the Whale
G. Zippy Tallulah Zoo
A. You’re a total dickweed
B. Your nose is growing
C. Pants on fire
D. Crap ass
E. Jump up higher
F. Uniroyal tire
G. I’m telling Mom!!!
B. Lois Lane
C. TV ratings
D. Simon Cowell’s bulked-up joy pecs
E. Red tights that boldly enhance your junk
F. The American way
G. Rupert Murdock’s gay nephew, Margaret
9 . Hey, kids, what time is it?
A. It’s time for
B. It’s time for you to get married, ya big Lezzie!!
C. It’s Ti me
D. It’s Time for Romper Room
E. It’s bedtime
F. The Mighty Mouse Gospel Show, Featuring Pat Robertson on the Hurdy Gurdy
G. Scooby Doo’s Good Time Hour brought to you by Schlitz—the beer Velma drinks
A. Holy shit
B. Oh no
C. Gee whiz
D. I’m scared and my brand new white underwear that’s now partially brown should indicate the depth of said fear
E. Oh My
F. Should be tranquilized and then forced to live in Scranton
H. Let’s run! I know a this wizard guy with a head like the late Peter Boyle
B. Wearing a uniform
C. Who keeps a basket of pine cones near their toilets
D. Over 30
E. Who’s teeth resemble an aerial view of Florida
F. Who says, ‘Trust me’
G. Who eats tofu and Skittles
12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women’s stockings.
B. Kenny Stabler
D. Rosie O’Donnell
A. Slather it on
B. Makes your libido runs it’s fastest and jump its highest
C. Tastes great on steaks and chops
D. Makes you look like a greasy Croatian immigrant
E. It’s a dream
F. A little dab will do ya
14. I found my thrill…
A. In Blueberry muffins
B. With my man, Bill. It’s OK, we can date. He’s a third cousin. The babies don’t come out funny or anything!!!
C. Attached to an electrical chord and hidden under my bed
D. Over the windowsill
E. With one of the Cowsills
F. On Linda Ronstadt’s album, “Heart Like A Wheel”
G. On Blueberry Hill
15. Before , was played by
B. Mary Martin
E. Sally Fields
F. Jim Carey
16. Name the Beatles
A. John, Steve, George & Ringo
B. John, Paul, George & Charles Rangel
C. John Paul, Benedict & Urban (they’re all Popes)
D. Ron Paul, George & Ringo
E. John, Peter, Paul and Second Corinthians
F. Ru Paul, Don, Jorge & Justice Scalia
G. John, Paul, George & Ringo
17. I wonder, wonder, wonder, who be doo doo doo (snare drum hit)
A. Who could it be now?
B. Who let the dogs out?
C. Who gave me the clap?
D. Who wrote the book of love?
E. Who be my baby daddy?
F. Who cut one?
G. Who’s that knockin’ at my door? Who’s that ringin’ my bell? Why that would be Sir Paul McCartney–a former Beatle–when he went through that incredibly lame period of schmaltz music back in the mid-70’s?
18. I’m strong to the finish
A. Cause I eats my cheese gnocchi
B. Cause I eats me spinach
C. Cause I live on Fire Island every summer…what do YOU think?
D. Cause I’m Max Fleischer’s bitch
E. And don’t you forget it
F. Cause Olive Oyl craves her some sailor man meat
G. To outlast the penile challenged Bluto
19. When it’s least expected, you’re elected, you’re the star today…
A. Smile, you’re on
B. Smile, you’re on 60 Minutes
C. Smile, you just woke up next to Mike Wallace…..and your butt hurts
D. Smile, we’re watching you
E. Smile, the world sees you
F. Smile, your mother just found your stash in your eight track player
G. Smile, you’re on radio
20. What do M & M’s do?
A. Not sure, but I hear the green ones make you horny
B. I don’t know, but the red ones give you The Cancer
C. Make you fat
D. Will dissolve your marriage BECAUSE they make you fat
E. Make you popular
F Melt in your mouth, not in your hand
G. Come in different gay ass colors these days
Okay, that’s it. Here are the right answers. And don’t even think about cheating. I know where you live.
1 d – Wonder Bread
2 g –
3 b – He Is Us
4 a – Good night, Chet
5 g – When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6 d – Maynard G. Krebbs
7 c – Pants On Fire
8 f – The American Way
9 c – It’s Time
10 e – Oh My
11 d – Over 30
12 c –
13 f – A little dab’ll do ya
14 g – On Blueberry Hill
16 g – John, Paul, George, Ringo
17 d – Who wrote the book of Love
18 b – Cause I eats me spinach
19 a – Smile, you’re on
20 f – Melt In Your Mouth Not In Your Hand