A Quiz That Has NOTHING To Do With Thanksgiving

OK, so it’s Thanksgiving.  Dinner is over and now that left overs are the order for the next couple of days—days in which you’ll experience that L-Tryptophan high.    You now look around you and notice:

  • Only the real asshole relatives go home late
  • The kids have eaten enough fudge and pie and cake and cookies to give Mexico diabetes.
  • You’ll be burping up turkey for days
  • The men are in the den with their pants undone, the game is on the tube and the woman folk are in the kitchen, sitting around the table, all talking at once about about their miserable sexless and loveless marriages

But wait! You don’t have to put up with that! There are blogs for you to peruse.

And knowing that, you come to mine????????????

Well then, here you go. You get what you deserve.

This is a fairly easy multiple choice test of your knowledge of popular culture as has existed within the past 53 years.

I don’t like writing posts that are exclusionary, yet this one in particular, will be virtually impossible for most under 45, unless you had/have parents who raised you on at steady diet of “Nick at Night”, along with transformers and Rainbow Brite, whatever the hell that is.

So, take this test, my chidrins. You get one point for every correct answer. Let me know how you fared.

1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
A. Ty Pennington
B. Claude, The Leather Queen Assmaster from San Francisco
C. Aunt Rosa’s Spaghetti and Meatwads
D. Wonder Bread
E. Vodka and Tonic
F. Milk and milk by products
G. Cod Liver Oil

2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was…
A. Sugar Ray Robinson
B. Roy Orbison
C. Gene Autry
D. Rudolph Valentino
E. Fabian
F. Mickey Mantle
G. Cassius Clay


3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, ‘We have met the enemy and…
A. It’s you
B. He is us
C. It’s Lloyd Nolan, the old curmudgeonly doctor from TV’s “Julia” starring Dianne Carrol, the first black actress to ever star in her own prime time sit com
D. He wasn’t home
E. He’s really mean
F. He’s got a HUGE ass
G. He’s French, therefore he surrendered

4. Good night, David.
A. Good night, Chet
B. Sleep well, ya bastard!
C. Good Night, Irene
D. Good Night, Gracie
E. See you later, alligator
F. Until tomorrow, ya prick ya
G. Good night, Steve

5. You’ll wonder where the yellow went,
A. When you paint your room baboon ass pink

B. When you lose your crayons
C. When you clean your filthy bathtub with so much hair in the drain that it asked if you wanted a falafel
D. When you use Tide
E. If you buy a water softening system; put it in a tan police officer’s uniform, slap on a badge and call it “Ponch”
F. When you use Valtrex
G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent



6. Before he was the Skipper’s Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie’s friend,
A. Bootsy Collins
B. Randolph Scott
C. Steve “Long Dong” Reeves
D. Maynard G. Krebbs
E. John Cocktoastin
F. Dave the Whale
G. Zippy Tallulah Zoo

7. Liar, liar…
A. You’re a total dickweed
B. Your nose is growing
C. Pants on fire
D. Crap ass
E. Jump up higher
F. Uniroyal tire
G. I’m telling Mom!!!
8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and…
A. Wheaties
B. Lois Lane
C. TV ratings
D. Simon Cowell’s bulked-up joy pecs
E. Red tights that boldly enhance your junk
F. The American way
G. Rupert Murdock’s gay nephew, Margaret

9 . Hey, kids, what time is it?
A. It’s time for Yogi Bear
B. It’s time for you to get married, ya big Lezzie!!
C. It’s Howdy Doody Ti me
D. It’s Time for Romper Room
E. It’s bedtime
F. The Mighty Mouse Gospel Show, Featuring Pat Robertson on the Hurdy Gurdy
G. Scooby Doo’s Good Time Hour brought to you by Schlitz—the beer Velma drinks


10. Lions and tigers and bears…
A. Holy shit
B. Oh no
C. Gee whiz
D. I’m scared and my brand new white underwear that’s now partially brown should indicate the depth of said fear
E. Oh My
F. Should be tranquilized and then forced to live in Scranton
H. Let’s run! I know a this wizard guy with a head like the late Peter Boyle
11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone
A. Over 6
B. Wearing a uniform
C. Who keeps a basket of pine cones near their toilets
D. Over 30
E. Who’s teeth resemble an aerial view of Florida
F. Who says, ‘Trust me’
G. Who eats tofu and Skittles

12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women’s stockings.
A. Troy Aikman
B. Kenny Stabler
C. Joe Namath
D. Rosie O’Donnell
E. Joe Montana
F. Steve Young
G. Skippy “Wandering Jew” Moscowitz


13. Brylcream…
A. Slather it on
B. Makes your libido runs it’s fastest and jump its highest
C. Tastes great on steaks and chops
D. Makes you look like a greasy Croatian immigrant
E. It’s a dream
F. A little dab will do ya



14. I found my thrill…
A. In Blueberry muffins
B. With my man, Bill. It’s OK, we can date. He’s a third cousin. The babies don’t come out funny or anything!!!
C. Attached to an electrical chord and hidden under my bed
D. Over the windowsill
E. With one of the Cowsills
F. On Linda Ronstadt’s album, “Heart Like A Wheel”
G. On Blueberry Hill



15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by
A. Jiffy
B. Mary Martin
C. Skippy
D. Errol Flynn
E. Sally Fields
F. Jim Carey
G. One of the Olsen twins.. you know, the homelier one (?????)



16. Name the Beatles

A. John, Steve, George & Ringo
B. John, Paul, George & Charles Rangel
C. John Paul, Benedict & Urban (they’re all Popes)
D. Ron Paul, George & Ringo
E. John, Peter, Paul and Second Corinthians
F. Ru Paul, Don, Jorge & Justice Scalia
G. John, Paul, George & Ringo



17. I wonder, wonder, wonder, who be doo doo doo (snare drum hit)
A. Who could it be now?
B. Who let the dogs out?
C. Who gave me the clap?
D. Who wrote the book of love?
E. Who be my baby daddy?
F. Who cut one?
G. Who’s that knockin’ at my door? Who’s that ringin’ my bell? Why that would be Sir Paul McCartney–a former Beatle–when he went through that incredibly lame period of schmaltz music back in the mid-70’s?



18. I’m strong to the finish
A. Cause I eats my cheese gnocchi
B. Cause I eats me spinach
C. Cause I live on Fire Island every summer…what do YOU think?
D. Cause I’m Max Fleischer’s bitch
E. And don’t you forget it
F. Cause Olive Oyl craves her some sailor man meat
G. To outlast the penile challenged Bluto



19. When it’s least expected, you’re elected, you’re the star today…
A. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera
B. Smile, you’re on 60 Minutes
C. Smile, you just woke up next to Mike Wallace…..and your butt hurts
D. Smile, we’re watching you
E. Smile, the world sees you
F. Smile, your mother just found your stash in your eight track player
G. Smile, you’re on radio


20. What do M & M’s do?
A. Not sure, but I hear the green ones make you horny
B. I don’t know, but the red ones give you The Cancer
C. Make you fat
D. Will dissolve your marriage BECAUSE they make you fat
E. Make you popular
F  Melt in your mouth, not in your hand
G. Come in different gay ass colors these days

Okay, that’s it. Here are the right answers. And don’t even think about cheating. I know where you live.

.
1 d – Wonder Bread
2 g – Cassius Clay
3 b – He Is Us
4 a – Good night, Chet
5 g – When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6 d – Maynard G. Krebbs
7 c – Pants On Fire
8 f – The American Way
9 c – It’s Howdy Doody Time
10 e – Oh My
11 d – Over 30
12 c – Joe Namath
13 f – A little dab’ll do ya
14 g – On Blueberry Hill
15 b – Mary Martin
16 g – John, Paul, George, Ringo
17 d – Who wrote the book of Love
18 b – Cause I eats me spinach
19 a – Smile, you’re on Candid Camera
20 f – Melt In Your Mouth Not In Your Hand

21 comments

  1. Got ’em all except #5….what a gross idea for a toothpaste ad, although I have to say, Pepsodent WAS one great-tasting toothpaste.

  2. OK, Pepsodent follow-up….can you name the delicious pepsin chewing gum that claimed that it “aids in digestion”? It was delicious, and I never had any digestive problems. Haven’t thought about it in years. Thanks, Laurie, now I’m off to search E-bay for stale chewing gum.

  3. OK, now I feel old. I remember when my dad stopped using Brylcreem.

    You know sometimes sitting at the kids table is the best way to go.

  4. I remember something about Beeman’s. That wasn’t the clove gum, was it?

    Anyone remember the Noxema shave cream commercial? The one with the blonde saying “take it off. take it all off” with the Stripper music playing in the background? How far back does that go? Late 60s/early 70s?

  5. The Noxema ad was late 60s….used to embarrass me if it came on while my parents were watching. My, how times change.

    I think Beeman’s might have made a clove gum too, but their flagship product–to the extent that chewing-gum can be a flagship–was pepsin.

  6. This isn’t a commercial, but my sister, Kathy and I used to watch Lawrence Welk that came on every Saturday night and we would dance to the music. I think it came on right after Dobie Gillis. Laurie was too little to remember that. Such wonderful times. Such innocent times.

  7. 18 out of 20!!! Representin’ for Gen Xers everywhere! (BTW, the Rainbow Brite slur? Ageist and uncalled for…)

    Happy Easter, funny lady!

  8. I was 100% WITHOUT the multiple choice…

    But of course the multiple choice is what made this post great…and what make me think you are really cool.

    Cause you referenced some of my favorite pop culture heroes and phrases:

    Bootsy Collins
    Fletch
    Dickweed
    Fats Domino (and by extension, Happy Days) and…
    Candid Camera

    However, I don’t appreciate you casting aspersions (one of my favorite phrases by the way…I use it to death) on Paul McCartney and schlocky 70’s music. I know you’ve probably had enough of silly love songs, but I look around me and see that isn’t so…

    What’s wrong with that? I’d like to know…

  9. Man, I’m really feeling old and outdated! But, thanks, it gave me some great memories. Are we all on a choclate high yet? Have a great Easter!

  10. Well thanks for making me feel old. 19 of 20 I was thinking Sandy Duncan in Peter Pan.

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