When Size Matters

It was mid-March in Houston. The weather was warming up and thoughts of Spring were on everyone’s mind.

The playground at Hennessey Middle School was teeming with activity. Some of the boys were playing baseball, many of the girls were playing jacks or swinging.

Three chums watching the day’s activities were Mike O’Riley, Angelo Battaglia and Fabian Czniskowitz had been friends since first grade and here they were, two months away from ending their fifth year of matriculation within the Houston public school system.

They were talking about their weekend plans when somehow, the subject of penis size came up. The boys realized that they’d never seen each other’s members and they began to question who had the most significant penis in terms of size.

Mike O’Riley volunteered to show his first. He said “I’m Irish..that makes me lucky. Mine will be the biggest, just because!”

He quickly pulled down his jeans just enough to display himself.

“Yeah…I guess you can be proud of that”, said Angelo, then added, “But take a look at my big, Italian pepperoni!!”

And with that, he showed the boys his member.

“Well, that’s something, but you ain’t got nuttin’ on me!!” That’s when Fabian whipped his out and the sight almost floored the two lads!! Fabian was a good three inches longer and at least, an inch and a half wider then his two friends.

Out of jealousy and because the situation was rather uncomfortable, Angelo and Mike started to taunt Fabian. The teasing depressed him.

Despondent, Fabian went home after school and addressed his penis size and girth issue with his mother.

“Mom, what’s the deal? Why would my friends make fun of my penis just because it’s so much bigger than theirs? Is it because I’m Polish?”

His mother quit folding clothes and looked at her son. “Well Fabian, you are Polish but that has absolutely nothing to do with your situation!”

“Then why mom? Why is my winkie so much larger than that of my two best friends in the fifth grade?”, Fabian implored.

“Well son, it’s because you’re 21!”


  1. Funny, but now you stirred up horrid memories of playground competitions. Gee, thanks.

  2. What would a (presumably) straight woman know about penises? Talk to promiscuous gay men from metropolitan areas to find the real scoop. I’ve seen (etc) thousands. Also read your list of boner sizes by state; are those averages or the biggest? Either way, those stats are wrong!

And now, you may opine your ass off...

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