Yippee!! Toys With A Twist!!!

“Hey, Tina…you’ll be turning seven soon. What would you like for your birthday?”

“Gee Dad, that’s a silly question. You know I want a Toy Airport Passenger Screening set by Playmobil.”

And really, what contemporary kid wouldn’t want this fine, fun-filled example of a failing bureaucracy in an ever-growing fascist state?

Your child will have fun for hours watching X-rays and trying to figure out “who’s carrying a knife and/or in possession of an unlawful container of banned accelerant or incendiary shoes”.

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Each set comes with one passenger with enough melanin in his skin tone to warrant racial profiling and two Office of Homeland Security “officials”–both with TSA screening certification AND proof of two Scranton Public School System administered G.E.D.’s .

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The actual screening machine has a hand crank conveyor belt that moves, a plastic bin to place shoes and a metal detector wand that actually makes authentically embarrassing detection sounds, especially when placed near breasts and genitalia.

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Perfect for Global Terrorism enthusiasts ages four and up and at ONLY $14.99 , an absolute steal by Playmobil!

And new this spring, you can buy the Full Body Cavity Search Room. This comes with tiny, opaque surgical gloves and a miniature tube of AstroGlide…. at no extra cost.

But wait…there’s more!!!!!

Make sure your kids are the first on your block to get a Gitmo Detention Center Play Set and if THAT doesn’t get your progeny excited about the Geneva Convention, how about the Abu Gharib Prisoner Interrogation Fun Four Pack!!!!

Your kids will love this newest Playmobil addition with it’s three nude Iraqi prisoners and one bendable P.F.C. Lynndie England Action Figure. She comes complete with an Indigo Girls CD, a carton of candy cigarettes and opposable thumbs!!!

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10 comments

  1. I work with stuff that sets off the machines that test for bad substances (BTW never use the word explosive in an airport, it gets painful).

    So the machine beeps, security person says “there must be something wrong.” Re-tests, and beeps again. Confusion sets in, so I explain the machine might be accurate.

    Those back rooms at airports really suck.

  2. OMG–I’ve gotta’ an 8-year old grandson. I’ve gotta’ Pacemaker–I won’t get in the house!! Good job. LK…LOL!!

    TV

  3. This reminds me of an age-old question I’ve had since 9/11…”What were all of these TSA agents doing BEFORE 9/11?”

    Answer: Nuttin’ much.

  4. For an extra $1.97 you can get the new and improved(?) P.F.C. Lynndie England, twice the size of the original.

  5. I thought I already HAD a Lynndie England doll. Turns out it was a Peppermint Patty action figure. How embarassing.

  6. That was a great photoshop, Laurie.

    Wait. That a real toy?

    If they’re going to go for realism, they need to have the conveyor belt at the Philadelphia airport where you put your bags on it and the bags magically disappear for three days.

  7. Damn. This is funny. But I’ve never seen anyone in an airport with a smile on their face let alone everyone with the exception of a few in the “lounges”. But these days that would probably just get you in trouble.

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