It was Sunday night and I was sick. Very sick.
My temperature was hovering at 103 degrees and I was slipping in out and of lucidity. My body was enduring these insane temperature extremes. I was burning up one minute, shivering the next.
Throughout most of the evening, I was hot and sweating profusely. Every muscle in my body ached. I was miserable. And the heat. My body was radiating heat.
At first I just kicked off the covers and hoped the ceiling fan above me would do its magic. The 80th Annual Academy Awards was on TV. I thought that it would make a decent disease diversion. Perhaps if I concentrated on the roguish good looks of that hot Spanish actor, Javier Bardem, I’d cool off.
In my fevered malaise, everyone looked like Danny Devito. I was so hot. I stumbled into the living room and lowered my AC to 68 degrees, then I laid down again.
Five minutes later, I still felt like I was roasting in Satan’s rectum.
I did the only sensible thing a woman half-crazed with flu would do…I grabbed several bags of assorted Birdseye frozen vegetables from my freezer and covered myself with them.
I placed a bag of cauliflower on my neck, a seasoned vegetable medley on my stomach and a package of pearl onions (in butter sauce) graced my very fevered brow. I was lapsing in and out of consciousness. I remember very little. Something about host, Jon Stewart and a joke. George Clooney said something and there were a few technical awards that I (mercifully) slept through.
I awakened in time to see Javier Bardem win his Best Supporting Oscar for his outstanding performance as the page boy coiffed villain in “No Country For Old Men”.
The Brothers Coen who directed him in this epic, gave him this odd, Prince Valiant hair style. A very strange, circa 1980’s bob.
He accepted his statuette and did so eloquently. I managed to crawl to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. This is what my 103 degree fevered eyes saw looking back at me:
I was hallucinating. And not the fun, “Here, eat this” kind of mid 70’s hallucinations.
This was just scary.
I went back to bed and the rest is vacuous blackness. But I regained consciousness long enough to hear this song as it was performed…one of the five nominated in the “Best Song” category. It’s from the little known movie, “Once” and the song is “Falling Slowly”, by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova.
It actually won the Oscar for “Best Song” and deservedly so.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t understand a thing they were singing, but I thought it was a very sweet song; melodically, it’s quite pretty. The next thing I knew, I was crying. At first I thought it was because of the sweet nature of the tune, coupled with my incredibly high fever.
As it turns out, I was half right. My eyes were actually watering because the bag of onions on my forehead had completely thawed and were starting to saute.