Hillary Clinton and Religion

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I am by no means an expert on the Former First Lady turned Democratic presidential hopeful or on religion for that matter.

I don’t know Hillary Clinton personally, but I, for some reason, don’t get the feeling that she’s a particularly spiritual person. I would think that if she ever had a sizable problem, she would go straight to her cell phone and call a cadre of lawyers, political advisers and PR experts to immediately embark on “damage control” as opposed to falling on her knees in prayer.

Perhaps, she utters Sydney Blumenthal’s name when she needs “divine” inspiration.

Or maybe, she used to… BEFORE his January 7th arrest. Always remember: you can’t spell “I’m drunk”…without the letters “D-U-I”.

As far as religious affiliations are concerned, Hillary Clinton’s bio indicates she’s a Methodist.

OK…fine. I’ll buy that.

Again, I don’t know the woman Hillary Clinton is, but I don’t like the politician she has become. I think ALL politicians are glad handers, they’ll say whatever they have to to advance their agenda, but in my opinion, Hillary has carefully honed deflection, transference and rationalization to a fine art.

Still, I wonder about the woman. I wonder what she’s like when the camera isn’t on her, when she’s alone, in private–away from her constituency, the pundits and the pollsters.

I wonder if she ever contemplates life and love and her marriage and her daughter and her future, both in and out of politics?

Does she pray?

I don’t know, but I’ll give her this much—I happen to know that she will contact religious leaders on rare occasions.

A friend of a friend of a former broadcasting colleague who’s traveling with the Clinton campaign for a national media outlet, recently told me of a little known trip Mrs. Clinton made to the Vatican.

She sought an audience with Pope Benedict.

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The two met in his Papal offices and by all accounts it was a productive meeting, for the most part, but the two two reached an impasse with regard to abortion and birth control. In fact, there are reports that voices were raised.

But civility was restored, at least outwardly and it’s our understanding that Pope Benedict offered an additional olive branch by inviting the American Democrat to appear with him on his Papal balcony before a throng of Catholic faithful. The plaza was teeming with humanity. Easily, more than 25-thousand people were present.
The pair opened the doors and made an appearance and were greeted with an enthusiastic response.

They stood there, soaking it all in and then, according to observers, Hillary must’ve been struck with an overwhelming sense of competition. She leaned in toward the Pope and said, “I know how to make this crowd grow really wild.”

Automatically sensing a Protestant/Catholic showdown, Pope Benedict asked, “Oh really? How?”

Hillary looked at him smugly. “With one wave of my hand, I can make every American Democrat in this crowd, go crazy.”

“You’re on!” said Pope Benedict.

And with that, Hillary waved her hand and smiled, and true to to her word, about 50 people cheered and applauded.

Pope Benedict smiled and said, “Impressive. Impressive indeed–for a Methodist. But never underestimate the power of a pope. I mean, we ARE talking about the one man who IS God’s vicar on Earth!!”

Hillary rolled her eyes and said, “Please, power my ass! The Catholic church is DONE FOR. It’s over!  YOU Bennie…are a paper tiger.  Make that a “papal tiger”….HA!!   Your church has been plagued by scandal over the centuries and now pedophilia???? With the latest child sexual abuse convictions, I think it’s just a matter of time before the entire Cathlolic Church implodes. And if that isn’t bad enough, archaic rules are the reasons why there are fewer and fewer seminarians each year. Hell, the only reason why there are as many priests here at the Vatican today is because there’s a concert by the Vienna Boys Choir this afternoon!!!”

Pope Benedict was fuming.

“Well, Mrs. Clinton you are entitled to believe as you wish, but I can assure you; with one swift movement of my hand, I can make EVERY living, breathing human being in this plaza happier than they ever have been in their lives. They will know joy beyond their wildest dreams and they will express that joy with wild, uproarious response in this plaza today!”

“Alright, Pope Benedict, I don’t believe you, especially since I AM one of the most powerful women in the world, but you go ahead…knock yourself out! ”

That’s when Pope Benedict raised his hand and slapped Hillary across the face.

The crowd went wild.

14 comments

  1. First!

    Don’t you hate goobers who do that?

    That’s a funny joke, but at the risk of raising the anger of any DUmmies who may be lurking, I think that joke would have been funnier if Benny had shoved Hillary off the balcony.

    Or is that a little hateful and intolerant?

  2. God’ll getcha for that, Kendrick. El Papa wouldn’t slap even Hillary. Prob’ly.

    10 Hail Mary’s and no cookies for a week.

  3. That is hillarious. I would love to see the Pope slap Hillary–in fact I’d love to see anyone slap Hillary. Of course, making fun of the Pope is reserved for us Baptists-so watch out for the lightning. 😉

  4. “I cannot pray a lie.”
    — Mark Twain

    Therefore, I suppose Hillary’s ability to “pray” would be OUT.

  5. Hilarious. I’d slap her given a chance. I can’t put my finger on it, exactly, but I can’t stand the woman and don’t trust her any farther than I can pick her up and throw her. I’d try to pick her up and throw her though.

  6. Don’t tell anybody, but if that had really happened, I’d be taking lessons and turning Catholic tonight.

    Oh, was that politically incorrect of me? Oopsies.

  7. The Pope would make us all very very very Happy=Happy-Happy ,that is we that don’t like her.

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