Pass The Kleenex

Some people ask me, “Hey Laurie, you crusty old bitch!! Does anything EVER get you down?”

My God!!! Pull up a chair Grasshopper and listen up, Cujo.

There is MUCH that phases me; much that moves me.

For example, I’m bothered by the fluctuating Nikkei.

I’m upset that a Houston steak house is offering a two-for-one Gaza Strip platter, complete with salad bar and two sides.

And I’m worried about Kim Jong-il —NOT because he continues to allow North Korea to produce nuclear weapons, contrary to previous legal, international obligations under the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty and his own commitment to make the Korean Peninsula free of nuclear weapons–but because he eats veal.

At least, I think it’s veal.

I deserve to cry. I’ve earned it. I’ve lived through life in a small town, college,too many break-ups to mention, a near fatal car crash, abject unemployment, the loss of dearly loved loved ones plus two Darrens on “Bewitched”.

While all these things still concern me greatly and can elicit an emotional response, I am even more moved by music.

I’m told by shrinks and behaviorists that smells can take us traipsing down memory lane faster than anything in the world. Maybe, but here in LaurieLand, it’s music.

If I should ever hear “You Are the One” by the Sugar Bears while simultaneously smelling British Sterling mixed with the hormonally fueled flop sweat of a 13-year old boy trying to kiss me in the back row of the Rialto Theatre, I think I just might implode from nostalgic memory.

So, in light of my most successful post of last week, in which I played music from the late 60-s and 70’s that was emotionally significant to me, I thought I’d try my hand at sad songs that tug at my heartstrings. You might not agree with my choices because one woman’s “Color My World” is another woman’s “My Own Worst Enemy” by Lit.

These aren’t necessarily break up songs, but songs that because of the time or place or the people I was with, just make me wanna cry, look for something sharp and/or reach for the Phenobarb…..that’s all.

So, in case we are of like tear ducts, grab one of these….


You might need it.

OK, my little human skid marks: our first offering is from Edwin McCain. This song ALWAYS moves me. Ignore the video. It’s the work of some idio-zealot who finds the feigned love lives of overtly thin actors —who regurgitate contrived dialog with that networks 15 regular viewers glued to the CW’s diaphanous nightly programming— interesting.

Dance with me, PM.

To this song.

This one is for Walter. His death still moves me to the core. I miss him like hell.

This is a sweet little song from 2001. “Wherever You Go” by The Calling. Here it is with Portuguese subtitles.

Kate Bush’s “A Woman’s Work”. I connected with this song about when I was a mere female sapling in the early 80’s. This song played at the end of “She’s Having A Baby” and I was hooked.

I do like Miss Katie and I THINK this is a sad song; I just can’t understand a damn thing she’s singing.

Whenever I hear Night Ranger’s 80’s opus, “Goodbye”. I can practically smell my twenties. Sniff! Sniff! Yep, there it is…beer and regret.

Stevie Wonder’s “Lately”.


This next song is an offering from Ellis Paul. It’s “The World Ain’t Slowin’ Down” an was featured prominently in the movie, “Me, Myself and Irene”. It’s actually a happy, kicky little number, but it reminds of a particular;y negative time in my life that…. well, let’s just say it was a psycho-social abortion wrapped in a violent emotional homicide and the perpetrator of said heartache made matters worst by pouring alcohol, salt, lemon juice and oh, what the hell…ACETONE directly into every already raw, aggravated mucous membrane.

That’s all I’ll say about that and there’s one more thing I should mention; ignore the video of a meeting of the Student Alliance for A Falafel Free Society that runs simultaneously under the song.

Salam just the same, ya’ll.

“Bell Bottom Blues” by Derek and The Dominoes.


This next song is a Moody Blues classic. Actually, it’s by The Blue Jays, a short lived collaborative effort from  Moody’s founding members, Justin Hayward and John Lodge.

“I Dreamed Last Night” is a beautiful song, really and shouldn’t make me emotional, but like a well timed cramp, it certainly does.

It was edited to go with someone’s lovely vacation video. It features a visit to a castle with a very (I’ve decided to call it “interesting”) cross-cultural design that can be found somewhere in deepest, darkest England.

Architecturally, it’s Tudor meets Japanese Kabuki.

Must be located in Far East England.

As morbid and maudlin as this may sound, I want this classic Louie Armstrong tune played at my funeral. And yes, I want crying and wailing and tear-smeared mascara.

And that’s just on the faces of the menfolk.

Mr. Don Henley is a Texas boy.

Mr. Don Henley knows how to make this Texas woman emote.

And emit……

Ooooh sing it, Daddy!

And lastly, I might write like a man, or so I’m told, but make no mistake about it, I am a strong, proud woman. And this song from the late, great Dan Fogelberg gets me every time. I’m crying as I type.

No wait! I’m a strong, proud woman, right? I’m not crying. This clear, watery stuff is just my body leaking. It’s either that or it’s really “prolific eyeball sweat”.



  1. you have nothing serious that a little british sterling can’t fix. remember the little phrase-“that which does not kill you makes you stronger” and with all the hell each of us sisters have gone through over the 30+ years, we could be considered as herculeses. i know i am.

  2. And here i thought you were a long cool woman in a black dress.

    And while i’m asking, why is it that women – many/not all – put in their profile that they can “pull off that little black bikini”….?

    I’m here to tell you that I CAN PULL OFF THEIR LITTLE BLACK BIKINI ALSO.

    I’m just saying.

  3. what, exactly, does that mean, jc? that they can pull it off means they can get by wearing the black bikini because they have the figure for it or that they actually pull it off themselves with their own hands? guess i’m a dumb blonde here.

  4. Thank you for freeing me from my Dan Fogelberg shame. Every Christmas, when they start playing that @#$% “Auld Lang Syne” song of his, I’m so irritated by it, then I get sucked into the story, and by the end, I am a blubbering mess. “Oh, the grocery store! Oh, wah, the parking lot! Wah!” Every. Goddamned. Time. I see now that accepting my own sentimentality is clearly the wiser choice.

  5. First my kids wanted to know why I was chuckling then tearing up, then I decided to continue your topic at the Chamber, just writing it got my waterworks going, and now the kids want me to stop hugging them.

  6. the last song would be every women’s dream—to have their man either write or sing to only them. why are we such hopeless romantics??????

  7. I think “You are so Beautiful” would be that song for me. Just a few words, but they sound so sincere.

    I’m not romantic, so much as vain.

  8. Well, I enjoyed the stroll down your musical memory lane. But Laurie, come on, you’re from Texas. No Gene Autry? No Willie Nelson? No Bob Wills and His Texas Playboys? Not even Kinky Friedman and His Texas Jewboys?

  9. Pete, we girls may be from Texas but not all Texas girls like ALL of that country time music. I can testify that the only boots that have been on my feet were go-go boots, knee boots, pant boots and now this winter I purchased Ugs(short for ungly)boots. I tried on some western boots once and they hurt so bad I couldn’t wait to get them off. That’s not so say that many, many Texas gals love them and look great in them-I guess I was too preppy as a young girl and just got set in my ways! The music goes as well…..

And now, you may opine your ass off...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s