I Call It As I See It

I’ve written a lot about perception. My own amazes me because sometimes my mind perceives certain things completely independent of my body. And vice-versa.

I once thought that was neurologically impossible. I’m here to tell you as I sit here, in full synaptic Technicolor, that it’s quite possible.

With perceptions being what they are here in Laurie Land, I also poke fun at Hillary Clinton.

A lot. There are a myriad of reasons why I perceive her to be a prime candidate for ribbing.

The number one reason? She’s Hillary Clinton.

My feelings for her have very little to do with her politics. I go by how I feel and my gut reaction.

For starters, her Hormel approved cankles are enough to rag through 2012. Then, there’s the cavalier way she publicly handled every one of Bill’s acts of infidelity…especially the Monica Lewinsky mess. Something tells me it took a bevy of Strasberg trained acting coaches to even get that performance out of her.

That bothered me.

And I want it known that my feelings about her, have nothing to do with her being a Democrat…OK, well maybe a little. Still, the fact is, I just don’t trust Hillary Clinton and to be honest, I wouldn’t trust her, regardless of political affiliation. There’s something about her that wreaks of insincerity and dishonesty. If she were to say, “Mitt Romney’s hair looks hideous today. That means the campaign is obviously running low on integrity AND hair product!”, I wouldn’t believe her. I’d have to SEE Mitt’s hair for myself.

I also fear the one-two punch of Hillary in the Oval Office and Bill as the First Gentleman. I would worry she’d entitle him with something ridiculous, like World Pope. And if that couldn’t be arranged, Hillary would have to do something drastic to keep him occupied. I can see it now: “Hooters–West Wing”.

Anyway, that’s the way I feel about “Old Girl” and as a result, some conservative blogs perceive me as a conservative pundit. How funny is that? Moi? A pundit??? I’ve always thought I was rather A-political, but hey, who am I to deny the more knowledgeable???

So with that in mind, I was looking for something that would give both of my readers a reason to keep on reading, so I started trolling the blogosphere to see who’s funnier than me.

I came back with my opinion quiver completely EMPTY.

But….

I did find one great photo in a random photo gallery. ‘ It’s a great pic of Hillary that I’ve not seen before.

She’s standing on some random dais somewhere, a smile so broad and goofy looking, it could ONLY have been fueled by a snoot full of nitrous oxide. Standing beside her is a bored and rather disapproving looking Barak Obama, looking down at her…and looking down on her. You almost expect one of those dialog balloons (the likes of which are used in comics) to appear over his head and in it, the words, “Thank God for the clarity of the Iowa Caucus! I can’t believe I was actually loosing to this crazy cracker bitch!!”

Here is the photo in question.

obama-hillary.jpg

I thought the camera really “captured” something here. Hilary’s expression is telling, but with her hand placed like so, her image in this photo JUST BEGS to be altered and radically morphed into the first thing I perceived when I first saw it.

Ready?

Scroll down.

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You kinda have an idea where I’m going, right?

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Keep scrolling.

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More.

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More.

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I’m talking about her hands, here people!!

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A bit more to go

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One more big one for Momma

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Ta Da!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

obama-hillary-fly.jpg

(Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

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37 comments

  1. Ian: I suppose under that notion, Ms. Clinton is at war with herself. She needs no help in her demonization.

    LK: I like the anticipation of the image–made me laugh harder I’m certain. But then you wrote this for men–knowing full well that we are intrigued by anticipation–well, only when we know for certain that there is something at the end that we are anticipating. 😉

  2. hey murphy. how was your holiday? i’m glad it’s over and i’ll also be glad when dec 26th rolls around.

  3. It was great–I know what you mean about being glad it is over. It is a huge emotional and physical buildup with an anti-climactic ending. Very frustrating indeed.

    Plus–I basically don’t like much of the food at Thanksgiving except the canned version of Cranberry sauce. (I’m a cheap date obviously).

    Family was in happy mode though so it was fine. Christmas is a whole new batch of hell though. 🙂

    How was yours?

  4. I always try to stay out of political discussions, because I just don’t love politics. But I see what you are saying about Hilary. She does seem to have a flashing neon sign above her head reading LIAR at all times

  5. Kristiane,

    I try to stay out of politics too. I really don’t know that much about them, but politics and politicians are just so damn 0much fun to rag on.

    Hillary tops the heap. She lends herself to abject comedy because she takes herself, her politics and “her moral” code so seriously.

    Moral code…..as if.

    I find her more tight-assed than Bush in that regard. St least that reprobate she’s married to could laugh at himself. OF course, it usually preceded a huge lie, but laugh he could!!

    LK

  6. IF you DON’T fly to Philadelphia on New Year’s, you will regret. it.

    Sometimes, the universe gives you distinct signs and hands you gifts, Key. This is one of those times. It’s your call, but you know the expression…

    Don’t go to Philly? Stay alone with your willie.

    Read this in a Star Wars–Obewan Voice…..“Take a chance, Key. Take a chance!”

  7. I did just get raptured, but when I got up there this kind little angel looked up and said, “I’m so sorry there has been a mistake”–next thing I knew I was sitting at my computer typing this message.

  8. Ian,

    Blogs are about freedom of expression. I have the right to do, say, think what I want…so do you.

    I saw Hillary’s hands in the ridiculous position around her face and a fly was the first thing I thought of. I did it for comedic expression.

    The fact is, I don’t like Hillary or her politics. I poke fun at her and will continue to do so. That’s my God given right. Those who agree with me call it comedy. Those who don’t call it demonitisation.

    Interesting how irony works, huh Ian.

    LK

  9. The internet, the phone…air travel makes this big old world quite small. The fact that you have a free ticket to fly anywhere makes it convenient, too.

    Go. Meet your destiny Key. Even if you find out it isn’t in Philly, just by the mere fact that you went will mean you’ve made the effort to leave your old life behind. Those are points on the big Cosmic scoreboard of life.
    Effort alone can be extremely relevant in cases like yours.

    You have every reason to try.

    Just remember…sometimes destiny is represented not by who we meet, but also by who we don’t meet.

  10. Yes, by who we meet…and by who we never meet.

    But it can also be unsealed by what we choose not to do. For example, the man who for whatever reasons, decided not to fly on American Airlines Flight 11 on the morning of September 11th.

    Or the people who were booked on a later flight, but had to change their booking to Flight 11.

    We toy with destiny constantly.

    That you have friends in Philly is a good thing. In case, things don’t work out with her, you have options. But understand that love doesn’t always happen upon first glance. What you feel for her, without ever having laid eyes on her is a tremendous foundation. Don’t be too quickly to judge that package in which it comes.

    Sometimes, you don’t know you like turnips until you try them.

  11. Sounds like my little boy has grown up. I’m very proud of you, Key and I’m pleased that we were able to share this moment like two adults.
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    .asshole

  12. All I know is that Karol said I wasn’t bad looking–after that I didn’t read anything else. 😉

  13. Here is Ian demonizing Lottery players: (From his blog):

    “I wasn’t going to write this, because I just can’t think of any way to put it without sounding preachy or moralistic, but I just don’t understand why anybody plays the lottery.”

  14. oooh, shit I don’t know, wait for it, wait for it, here: Ian, if you don’t know how to communicate without sounding ‘preachy’ then maybe you’re just a preacher. In using such terminology, you cast your self in a rather hypocritical light that almost wwreaks of self righteousness. If you don’t know, then you are ignorant. I know why people play the lottery. I know why people screw for crack. We call these vices. I don’t, however, know why anyone would vote for Hilary. Even a lotto playing crack whore would tell you ‘that cracker bitch ain’t right’. So, instead of ‘I don’t know why’ may I suggest, ‘i am ignorant to such things, so I cannot speak of them’. I wouldn’t dream of speaking on a serious matter or accuse anyone of anything without having at least a basic knowledge of the subject. This is why I rely on my wits (not much to rely on) because I can honestly say I don’t know much about anything.

    I’m off to therapy.

  15. Gee, I seem to have stuck a nerve among you and your readership.

    So Laurie, let me get this straight. In your first response you say that Hilary Clinton needs no help in her demonisation. Do you mean by that that it’s OK to hate her, because she brings it on herself?

  16. Yes, Ian. Humans are allowed to hate those worthy of such emotions. And most certainly, she has made many enemies. Would it be ok for me to receive my paycheck because I bring it on myself? It’s fine when she receives praise when she actually earns it, why is it wrong for her to receive harsh criticism when she earns it. I assure you, as much as Bush has received, we should be ultra-critical of our candidates.

  17. That wasn’t my response to you Ian…go back and re-read the comment. That was from a reader–Murphy Klasing, a prominent attorney from Houston..

    I can’t and won’t address that. That’s for you two to harrange over.

    I can and will only address the fact that I willingly placed a fly over Hillary’s because first and foremost, her hands were in the same position as a fly’s when it stands over it’s food. I also placed a fly over Hillary’s head because it was funny.

    It’s comedy, Ian. It’s satire. Take it as such.

  18. Ian:
    My comment was meant tongue and cheek although she is in fact a demon so there is no need to demonize her further. The point is–as LK put it earlier–she can talk about whoever she wants–Hillary is not the enemy–she is just very dislikeable. (is that even a word?) But you see what I mean. I think you stumbled onto this blog with your serious hat on–take it off and lighten up a little–that’s all I’m saying–and hey, leave those poor lottery players alone-they are nearly people too.

  19. at this point i don’t know who will get the nomintation but i don’t feel this nation is ready for a woman to lead us yet. she does have the balls to do this-i give her that. would her hubby know how to be a “docent” when tours come through the whitehouse? would he be a trend-setter with casini made suits? i just don’t know.

  20. Say LK, may I count on you moving to Costa Rica when Hillary is elected? What you call fun is mostly just jealousy, or perhaps just being mean to another accomplished woman.
    I really enjoy your blog when you stay winthin the bounds of your ability.

  21. Nope, I’m staying put, Jimmy.

    Sorry.

    You see, Alec Baldwin’s false promise to move out of the country after Bush won in 2000 kind of took all the glory and glam out of that threat.

    Look my friend: you’re entitled to your opinions. I welcome them and I welcome you. I want you to come back. But this is a humor blog. You’re obviously familiar with it. That said, you know my style. I’m a pundit, no more, no less.

    Yes, I have a blatant disregard for Hillary Clinton’s politics based on Hillary Clinton’s core being. I’m not scared to admit I don’t trust her and feel she is the very definition of disingenuous. It’s not jealousy, I assure you. It’s personal opinion, one that like you, I am entitled to and I will continue to opine about Hillary and Bush and Noam Chomsky and Chavez and any other public figure (political or otherwise) worthy of an occasional comedic salvo.

    If you like Hillary, fine..great. Vote for her. Campaign for her, cut your hair like hers. Whatever, but please adhere to the basic philosophical tenets of a country that’s thrives on a two party system. Do not tell me or anyone who doesn’t share your point of view that they are wrong or God forbid, jealous.

    Ah, but this is the way of the world, is it not??? I’m brilliant if people agree with me. I’m a mean, jealous, uppity bitch if they don’t.

    Fine.

    But I will tell you this. I’d like to commend you for the not so subtle dig at the end of your comment regarding staying within the bounds of my abilities. Seriously. It was a nice touch.

    To be honest, I would’ve said something like that myself.

    LK

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