Manly Facts Men Never Want Divulged

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Magazine writer and editor Ty Wenger revealed in Redbook recently what every woman wants to know: What secrets are our husbands or boyfriends keeping from us ?

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Before we get into the specifics of the article, let’s discuss “lies”.

We all lie. We tell big ones, little white ones. We omit certain facts of a “pesky” nature.

One gender isn’t worse then the other when it comes to this human foible. Perhaps, the principle difference lies in why we lie.

In terms of the Penis People, men lie. Make NO mistake about that. And those who tell too many lies and keep too many secrets risk souring a relationship from lack of trust. On the flip side, some of the more innocuous lies are told and secrets are kept to keep the peace. But does that make the act of lying any less of a lie????

The same with women–we lie A LOT, but we’re not talking about how we women HAVE to lie sometimes in order to force his hand. When we do, does that mean we’re being manipulative bitches? Well, frankly yes, but how is that different from men who sweet talk women to get them in bed???

No hay diferencia, mi gente!!!

We’re all master manipulators and that means no reprieve—the battle wages on for the ultimate state of control.

I’ll post on women’s frailties later. Right now it’s about men, their secrets and the hidden things they think and feel and don’t want us to know.

This is the stuff Wenger attempts to reveal.

And take heed, my fellow Mammarians, some of Wegner’s 11-secrets that Im about to reveal will piss you off a bit; others may melt your heart to the point where that old boy might just get lucky tonight.

 

 

 

 

 

They are as follows:

1. Yes, he falls in lust 10 times a day — but it doesn’t mean he wants to leave you or fall in love with the source of his lust.

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Bitch!!!


2. He actually DOES play golf and cards to get away from you.


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Gee! I don’t understand that one!! What’s a little nagging???



3. He’s unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after he has made one to you.

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As a single female who wants to believe there is an emotional forever for me somewhere out there, the possibility of this one being true absolutely THRILLS me. (sarcasm implied)


4. Earning money makes him feel important.

Our shared bank account and credit rating are quite happy about that, too!

5. Though he often protests, he actually enjoys fixing things around the house.

Really???? Is my current paramour very good with handling a hammer, you ask? Only if I tell him it’s a new fangled fork!


6. He likes it when you mother him, but he’s terrified that you’ll become your mother.

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There’s NOTHING wrong with my Mother. She’s a healthy eater, that’s all. Besides, if beauty is skin deep….fat is just deep skin. It’s glandular, you bastard!!



7. In many healthy relationships, the guy loves us more with every passing year. Perhaps it’s in his own special way, but it’s true, says Wegner.

I desperately…DESPERATELY want to believe this one.

8. He really doesn’t understand what you’re talking about when you discuss “issues” in your relationship. It makes no sense at all to him — even though he will nod in agreement. But make no mistake, he is uncomfortable with your display of emotion.

He’ll try to avoid your wrath, ire and your tears at ALL costs. confused-guy.jpg

“Huh? Duh? Der? Uh, but I love you, Petunia! You’re very pretty. Uh….those jeans don’t make you look like you’ve gained the 20 pounds you’ve actually gained in the past two months!! Oh no, please don’t eat that box of stuffing mix!!! Here, take my 401K. All of it!. May I offer you a testicle, too??”


9. He’s terrified when you drive (with or without him in the car–it doesn’t matter, he’ s still scared FOR you and let’s be honest, with you behind the wheel, he’s scared for all of mankind, too!!) and yes sometimes he might have good reason to feel this way.

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10. He’ll always wish he was 25 again. Then again, women understand this. So do we.


11. Give him an inch and he’ll give you a lifetime.

Translation of 1 through 11:

We should let them be the dumb asses they can often be without chastising them for it. We should allow them a few nights and weekends to themselves. As in alone–without us. We’re not attached at the hip. We’re not that fragile. We should say yes to poker night with their buddies and let them go on golf vacations or a four day hunting excursions without us.

If we do this, Wegner says they’ll love us forever.

Oh really?????

Is this true, Gentlemen? How do you feel about this? Is Wegner right on the money or full of shit? Did he reveal anything that you really wanted kept secret from us? Can we get closer to you by relinquishing our grip on you and allowing you, “you” time?

Please, continue our education. Let us know.

And as for my Sisters of Fallopia, I’d like to know how you feel about this. I mean how do you REALLY feel about this????

Comment, won’t you?

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17 comments

  1. She’s right.

    Now, here’s #12.

    As long as she thinks it was her idea or she’s in charge, we get left alone.

    #13

    Accompanying you to the Ice Capades, Nutcracker or poetry reading by that newly famous Bulgarian poetess who chants her work means we get the prize of our choosing for a month.

    OK, two weeks.

    OK, Tuesday.

  2. I am absolutely terrified of my girlfriend’s driving. She involves emotion in driving. It’s more dangerous than eating angry. Even if that means deep skin. 😉

    What a funny post!

  3. I do not swear, drink or smoke. I never tell lies. I do, however, occasionally modify the truth. Especially so if I am goddamned drunk as an asshole or suffering from the lack of fucking nicotine.

  4. To me these seem like true or false questions.

    1. True
    2. Only sometimes. With me I’d like her to be there and participate.
    3. No, not me.
    4. Again, not me. It makes me feel secure though.
    5. I’m good at this sort of thing and I did it because it needed to be done. No complaints.
    6. Don’t want to be babied/mothered. That would not be good at all.
    7. Sure. Absolutely, as long as they don’t turn into a wicked bitch.
    8. That’s 50/50. It depends on specifics but keeping the peace is very important.
    9. Nah, I’ve never had any girlfriends that were really bad drivers. However, I had one that ran my land-yaught into a gas pump one time. Other than that, no.
    10. NO! I was lucky to get out of that decade alive.
    11. In my case, if it’s right, yes.

  5. I would love to be in love with #4 and #5, but I am too much of a control freak to accept these things from men.
    I like how Greg says a flat out yes to only the one about lust 😉

  6. That translation you had at the end is pretty true. It has taken me thirty years to stop feeling rejected and angry about the hunting trips, or other little guy get togethers while I stayed home to keep the fires going. I finally woke up and realized that there were places to go and people to see and no reason not to enjoy “my time” also. Gosh, men have known this for years! How did we allow this to go on for sooooo long? Everyone needs their space and that’s the secret to happy relationships. If you don’t resent then loving is much more enjoyable. Thanks you guys for teaching us what you have always known!!

  7. Ah, pop quiz! 😉

    1. On a slow day.
    2. Or to get away from the other woman.
    3. Commitment is just a shiny object ready for the dangling to get some ass.
    4. Duh. But your money is also good to pay for his stuff.
    5. Sure…like a sandwich, the home theater system. No, make that home theater system only. The rest can be delivered.
    6. Unless her mother is Susan Sarandon. 😉
    7. He’s probably balding.
    8. No, no. He nods so it will end soon. He’s uncomfortable because you’re blocking World of Warcraft.
    9. Unless you drive the Amtrak. Now that’s hot.
    10. Not true. He always wishes you stayed 25.
    11. Give him an inch! Only if he swings that way.

  8. I have tried to tell my wife these things for years! She’s not buying it though, thinks it’s just me. I sent her this link so she can see otherwise. I won’t give a detailed list but, pretty much all of these things are true. Well, except #1, it’s more like 25 times a day. Oh, and #10, too young, more like early 30’s. Well OK, I have to point this out — #8 is especially true — LADIES — commit this one to memory, burn it into your brains — men do NOT want to discuss ANYTHING even remotely related to “relationship issues” — we ARE NOT comfortable with emotions — and any man who claims to be — is the type of guy who has figured out how to get into YOUR pants, and as soon as he’s tired of them, he’ll act out some of those fantasies from #1! If you ladies are in so much need of emotional conversations, get yourself a girlfriend with whom you can share. Men don’t want to hear about it. Period.

  9. 1. Depends on the day and the view.
    2. Not really–but guys need guy friends just like gals need gal friends.
    3. True-But once made-some men (good ones) pride themselves on the fact that they are honoring it.
    4. True
    5. Definitely True
    6. True and ABSOLUTELY TRUE
    7. True as long as it is reciprocated both by actions and by a healthy sex life.
    8. True that we often don’t understand it–but give us time and we can learn to pretend to understand it well enough to give you some comfort.
    9. Not me-I drive like Hell-no one can be worse so I’m comforted by other drivers–and bored.
    10. 16 actually
    11. True but see #7. 😉

  10. #8 – We definitely understand what you’re saying. However, we don’t understand WHY you’re saying it. We’re happy to help, but we don’t understand why you’d ASK for help.

    The rest? Pretty much so, yes. Exactly.

  11. “In terms of the Penis People…” HA! I love that. It’s the sequel to “Terms of Endearment.”

    “As a single female who wants to believe there is an emotional forever for me somewhere out there…”

    Oh Lord. Come on. Relationships take effort after the new-luv-smell wears off. If you stayed in love the way you do when you first connect, you’d be dead in 12 months. You know that. 😉

    “In many healthy relationships, the guy loves us more with every passing year.”

    I’d say that’s true, if you’ve been lovable. Men don’t like jerks anymore than women do. The main barier is criticism. Even if you’re only critical of him when he’s not around, he’ll get that vibe, and it will mess everything up.

    “He really doesn’t understand what you’re talking about when you discuss “issues” in your relationship.”

    Partly true… for most of us, it’s that women talk about the relationship like it’s a third person in the room. That creeps us out. Also, we have lower expectations (I think), so as long as no one is throwing a toaster and we’re having sex twice a week, we think everything’s OK.

    “He’s terrified when you drive…”

    I have to admit, that’s true. I’m never as comfortable with a woman driver as a man. I think it’s the sense of rhythm or something… they just drive different, and it’s nerve-wracking. Never thought of that before just now, though.

    “Give him an inch and he’ll give you a lifetime.”

    YES! Don’t criticize. We got enough of that from our mothers.

  12. Hey Rick…indulge me ONE freakin’ moment of feminine weakness, will you?

    I assure you, I’ve failed at more relationships than you’ve ever entertained, so don’t even THINK about lecturing me on the ways and means of “new love smell”.

    Hell, I invented relationship “new love smell” dissipation.

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