My Brief Sabbatical (Updated)

baerbub.jpg

Hey Kids,

Brief sabbatical. 

Those are heartbreaking words indeed.

You see, in light of a few recent events in my life and the fact that I’m not sleeping at all and everything tastes like I’ve been making out with pine trees all night long, I’ve decided to take a very, very brief respite from blogging.

Less than a week–that’s five days–count ’em if you’re Ptolemaic math dweeb.

In truth, I’m just not feeling “fresh”.

Actually, my body’s f*cked up homage to conifer essence is driving me nuts. I really don’t understand why everything tastes  the way pine cleaner smells.  Because of that,  I must’ve spat out a hundred dollars worth of food in recent days. Everything tastes nasty and acrid.   It’s as if my whole body has been taken over by a weird pine phantasm; the spirit of some bad dollar store room deodorizer. Even my tee tee smells like Renuzit. I can’t for the life of me figure this out, so that’s another reason for my brief time away from Blog Central.

I’m also considering a weekly podcast. Gee, would anyone be interested in listening to the pedantic ramblings of one angry and bitter, Houston-based, middle-aged pundit with shriveling ovaries and one errant testicle, I call “Maverick”???

Let me know.

In the meantime, please feel free harass and harangue Key at his blog. And if you tire of his rage and anger, and really, how could you not, may I suggest a little ribald and randy humor by checking out Ration Reality, Veggie Macabre, Comics I Don’t Understand, Emonome, Views from Minnesota, Murphy Klasing’s Blog, What Pushes My Buttons, The Nose On Your Face, Yo Yo Dyne, Dissonance, The Leaky Brain and and of course, the brilliant Vonnegut’s Asshole. In fact, every blog on my blog roll is a wonderful read. They’re all friends of mine, except for Key.

And I’m not particularly fond of Sigmund, Carl or Alfred.

All links are alive and ready to be clicked. Look to your right.

I’ll be back here bright and early on Monday, November 19th. I have to come back next week because next week will be a humor blogger’s trifecta. I’ve got an absolutely fascinating post about the Kennedy assassination. The 44th anniversary is November 22nd, you know. It’s also Thanksgiving (or as I like to call it, our gay Uncle Bruce’s favorite occasion to “eat, drink and be Mary”) and of course, there’s all of evil ribbing that must be targeted at the Aggies of Texas A&M before the annual Turkey Day slug fest with THEE University of Texas Longhorns on the 23rd.

Join me next week, won’t you?

Thanks for understanding.

In my absence, if you say anything negative about me or trash me in any way in the comments section, just remember… I have your ISP numbers.

And I know people.

Oh yes, make no mistake my friend…..I know lots of people.

LK

.

.

73 comments

  1. Laurie-Say it isn’t so…Your blog is my first click each day–alas I shall likely fade into a blur of obscurity now. That almost sounded intelligent–like an educated ivy league, Iran-loving liberal.

    Okay, I’m back–have a great holiday and we shall talk when you get back–email me when you return!!

    -Murphy

  2. laurie is preparing for thanksgiving and she’s giving me all her attention to helping ME. with 23 heathens coming to my house for the festive bird, i need all the help i can get.

  3. laurie will be making her infamous mashed potatoes, her popovers and shes even going to bake a buttermilk pie. hear that, PM? laurie’s turning domestic!

  4. don’t let her hard exterior fool you. laurie is an excellent cook extroidinare (did i spell that right, PM)? when she gets in that kitchen and gets creative, it gonna be fabulous.

  5. Laurie will spend her sabbatical trying new things.

    She will be opening the box marked ‘Hoover.’

  6. It is rumored all the Sisters Kendrick are great cooks and domestic divas.

    When they aren’t de-balling cattle.

  7. LK – I will miss you dearly. I’m glad you’re taking a break to refresh yourself. Stay away from spearamint, wintermint, and peppermint too because I’m not sure what’s up with this pine scent business.

    And hell yes I’d listen to your podcast.

    Take it easy and come back soon.

  8. Hello Kevin-in regards to your question about deballing-I think that came from PM but I can tell you one thing…I’ve never touched a bull’s hangies much less cut one off. We’re glad you enjoy Laurie’s blog. She doesn’t need The Sisters to make people laugh. Karol and I are along for the wild ride too! Not to worry, she’ll be back with guns “a blazin”. I think she’s waiting to get some good stuff to write about after the dysfunctional Thanksgiving for which we are preparing. I can assure you all that there will be stories. And hurt feelings. And comedy.

    Have a great Wed. to everyone—-

  9. good morning, america. how are you? De-balling came from me when i told PM i ride the fence line and help de-ball the bulls (castrate). ever done or seen that before? kinda gross. NOT! i don’t do that!!!!! i don’t even know how to ride a horse.

  10. i’ve seen it done only on tv and if it looks horrible from that distance i can only imagine how horrible it looks in person. we have cows, no bulls and my longhorn came as a steer

  11. i remember one time my husband had to help deliver a calf, her legs first. the mother couldn’t walk or stand after that and i think she died and so did her calf

  12. Nope. Was around to watch puppies being born. Goldfish too, except I had no idea what was happening.

    I’m pretty much a city boy.

  13. Actually, I wouldn’t mind seeing that, karol.

    Truth is, too many city folk are clueless about reality of life, where food comes from, etc

  14. Laurie is hearing Twilight Zone theme music, even as we speak.

    She is opening the mystery box, with the word ‘Hoover’ printed on the outside.

  15. actually, i had a jealous boyfriend at the time and he gave me a choice. so i was a college cheerleader during the football season and that was it.

  16. yea, i was the best one on the team because i was the skinniest and they could hoist me up on their shoulders during a yell

  17. once i was on someone’s shoulders and she didn’t bend down low enough for me to roll off and i injured my neck. wasnt serious

  18. yes…and from what I’m told, it’s been well received.

    Actually, I’m only providing LK material. She’s doing the writing

  19. Yup.

    I harbor a dream to be a gentleman farmer. I’d sooner look at a horses ass than some of the folks up in DC.

    I’m looking to improve myself

  20. If I must. I was a sophomore in high school and I owed my friend Alex a favor for throwing up all over his car. He had been dating a girl for a few weeks when he came up to me with the ‘do me a favor’ look. “Well, what do you need and how much is it going to cost me?” What followed became a part of my legacy as a teenager. ” Well, KW, my girlfriend has this friend that doesn’t get out much…” Fuck, this is going to be horrible. As he pulled the picture out of his pocket, I could only imagine what monstrosity I was about to witness. ‘Please have a full set of teeth’ I thought to myself. Well, to my surprise, his girlfriends’ friend was hot. From the shoulders up. He gave me her number, I called her, set up a date and was on my way to pick her up. It was 7pm on a warm evening just outside the city limits of Alvin. Earlier I mentioned she was hot from the shoulders up. That’s all you get to see in most school pictures. I didn’t think to ask Alex why this girl didn’t date often. I found out when she answered the door. She was in a wheel chair. Before you start calling me a bastard, finish reading.
    Just as the idea to run came to my mind, her giant of a State Trooper father made his presence known. “Son, I’ve got two rules for you to follow tonight. One: have her home by 11. Two: don’t touch my daughter unless you are helping her in and out of that hunk of shit car of yours.” Well, I most certainly did not want to meet an early death at the hands of this bear of a man, so I decided I would play his game.
    I’ll get to the point. We went to Sonic, talked about her dad’s gun collection and I winked at her a few times just to be a nice guy. So, like most of my encounters, we ended up at a park near my house. There was tequila involved and we got to talking. At one point, I realized she was rather intoxicated and decided she needed to get home. It was 10:15 and I didn’t want to test her father’s patience. She wasn’t having it. She looks at me and tells me to well, know her in a carnal sense. “You’re drunk, I’m taking you home.” But she insisted. And I was seventeen. You don’t have to tell me a third time. She explained that I should wheel her over to a rather stout, low hanging branch where she could hang while I did my business. Well, it was different, I’ll keep it clean because I’m a gentleman. I was fast, but not fast enough. By the time I got her out of the tree and into the car, it was already 11:30. I knew I was in for some shit. On the way to her house, I devised a plan: wheel her to the front door, ring doorbell, run, drive fast. Didn’t quite work. He was waiting at the door and opened it and I froze. He ordered her inside and gave me a death stare. Then he smiled. ” Son, anytime you want to date my daughter, you have my blessing.” Confused, I decided not to argue. ” Sir, I’m really…” he cut me off ” I know you’re late, but it’s ok.” I couldn’t help it. ” Sir, I don’t understand.” He pulled me in close and told me something I will never forget: ” This is the first date she’s been on that didn’t end with me having to pick her out of that fucking tree in Dickinson.”

  21. Good stuff, key!

    As for the gentleman farmer stuff, well, I might have been stretching things a bit. What I’d really like to do is own some land in the country…like that.

  22. At least you HAD a yearbook.

    As soon as the clock hit 12 noon, the principal pulled out his 2 six shooters. Got 18 of us.

    When he asked if there was a lesson to be learned, I noted that it’s not smart to fool with a principal with 2 six shooters.

  23. now c’mon PM. you didn’t have a principal like that. without giving too many details, what were your high school years like?

  24. Dang, 98 comments and counting…that’s a record right?

    And who says your blog is not A#1???

    LK, you rock!

And now, you may opine your ass off...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s