Koncept: Амеrika

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Thank the 50-stars on the American flag that theme restaurants aren’t as popular as they used to be. You still see a few around, but now, most of the finer eateries are more ethnocentric; truer in design and style of the very cuisine they serve.

But there’s still room for “theme” fast-food establishments. You know, creative “concept dining” for those in a hurry.

Or not. You can also dine in and still enjoy a fine experience.

Let’s just suppose for one minute, there’s someone out there who’s creative, hip, forward thinking and loaded to the gills with money to burn. He decides to try his hand at one of these concept fast food joints and chooses to open one with a Russian theme.

It could be an establishment that pays tribute to Mother Russia and her satellites when she was a world power. Before and during the time when the Supreme Soviet reigned, well…supreme. I think it could and would be capitalistic profit making venture that would score high Marx with consumers.

It would be called “Burger Czar” (Tsar for franchises in Canada)

Here’s a sample of possible menu items:

1) The People’s Fried Chicken Basket would be served with two left wings.

2) A nice, big Bolshevik of chili (served in an Onion Dome)

3) Tater Trotskies

4) Perestroika Burger: You get to ‘restructure’ your sandwich as you see fit. Ask for plenty of Red sauce

5) The St. Petersburger

6) KGB Tacos with Secret Sauce

7) The Gorky Pork Platter, served with a bed of Condoleeza Rice

Dessert: You have your choice of Kremlin Brulee , Minsk Meat Pie and Red Squares (strawberry layer bars),

And the breakfast menu would include the “Rootin’ Tootin’ Rasputin Biscuit”. It can’t be cut, stabbed, shot or burned, but can ONLY be eaten with several glasses of very, very, very cold water.

And a lot of ice.

Entertainment would be provided on several mounted TV screens located in various locations around the dining area. Each would be playing a continuous loop of everyone’s favorite Communist cartoon, “Mickey Maoist”.

In terms of cute mascot, “Burger Czar” could use a lovable, cuddly cartoon donkey, “Alexi, The Polit-Burro”

And of course, there’s a huge Gdansk floor. You can boogie all evening to the delightful sounds of “Nikita and the Chernobyl Savages”.

There would be Lenin napkins on every table, of course and for hygienic purposes, ALL food service workers will be required to wear a hair nyet.

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118 comments

  1. what about Borscht Karloff soup, Blinchiki choco shake and Golubsky scallopini-could all be fast food.

  2. i came up with the karloff soup but had to go to russian recipes for the others. not bad for a dumb ass, huh?

  3. Don’t forget the Khrushchev Chocolate Cookies–They will take over your lower GI without firing a single chip.

    Okay-kind of lame–but I didn’t sleep well and am in need of a hearty lunch. Where is that restaurant that serves squirrel pancakes?…

  4. Murph—I have to e-mail you some things that are perfect for your blog, which I’m loving by the way!! Love the comedy!! Can I send stuff to you at the law office address I have?

  5. I speak a lil German Russian Italian and a lot of Bull lol … so here goes … lol Я думаю, что БАРБЕКЮ должно быть на меню. Сторона на Америке

  6. is james kendrick on today? i understand he is of relations to the sisters kendrick. nice to have those kinds with us

  7. I don’t have a MySpace account but if you google my name you’ll see why it would be a bit of a conflict of interest.

  8. Yeah, murph, I understand completely. I’m just making sure I’m covering all the age groups. It’s all about getting my name out there and in the voter’s mind. exposure, ya know.

  9. are you nutz? Her leave the safe and secure confines of Karnfield??? Hardly. She lacked the sophistication to live anywhere external of that nasty little berg and that’s the truth, Kacks

  10. Kathy,

    We come from such F’d up stock. We were gang banged by neurosis from both sides. That we’re up and talking and relatively productive and NOT sucking on a Lithium bag while in fetal position under some thatch-roofed Mexican palapa, is a testament to us as individuals.

  11. Laurie I just put it on Ghost Hunters too. There’s another episode on at 8:00. Yes, dinner at Paula Deen’s sounds nice but I would rather have her fix it for us at her relatively new home. We could sit around that long island in her kitchen and watch her fry us up some vittles.

  12. well she calls me that and it really hurts especially since I lost them years ago. That girl is meaaaannnnn.

  13. i saw something on tv last night about alaska. lets go there. i look damn good in a sweater and a coat

  14. ok, nate. i think you are rather tall, dark hair with greying temples (slightly). since you are an architect, you probably wear glasses. you are medium built and you have large hands.

  15. I think that you are about 5’10 to 6′ maybe. If you are actually 54 then there is a huge possibility that your hair is thinning (could be wrong about this) I think that you are on the blonde side -not too dark of hair. I think that you are or at least at one time athletic. I’m not sure what your sport is or was though. I think that you are classy and as we use to call preppy. Obviously, you enjoy life and seem like a great guy. Now why on earth are you not attached???? Oh, I also think you probably are cute as a bug in a rug.

  16. I handle litigation matters–mostly commercial and mostly defense. Clients like Allied Mortgage, Public storage, Cooper Cameron Ironworks, etc… Employment, injury defense, premises liablity, contract, etc…

  17. he does get on nerves sometimes but the real beauty of the situation is that i can leave whenever and i also get to sleep with the boss

  18. Those are both excellent perks. Of course, before I made partner my boss was a 50 something guy so wouldn’t have wanted that perk at my office.

  19. i would guess not. he had his firm in sa for 15 years before moving it to boerne. now we are a small firm with no other attorneys in attendance.

  20. Sounds awesome. If he ever needs to do work in Houston and needs a conference room, etc…–email me and let me know.

  21. I’m sure–in a solo practice/plaintiff’s work you can have months that either kick ass or suck ass.

  22. laurie i just voted again. hey, you’re catchiing up with the hatemonger. only about 400 votes away from him

  23. And that is the real beauty–you get all the ass for yourself. It’s nice when you think about it like that.

  24. I know what you meant–I can only do 5 serious posts in a row and then I burst into either sarcasm or puns.

  25. Well ladies–hope you have a fabulous evening–I’m out until tomorrow–have to go help my 11 year old study for a vocabulary test–which is awesome because I don’t know the meaning of at least 1/2 of the words so I’m sure my assistance will be invaluable.

  26. Oh they’re here

    Karol…I just called Mother. acted dumb and when she told me the news, first thing out of my mouth was

    “You look pretty tonight, MOmmy”

    I went all eddie Haskell on her

  27. Leaving the current post up. Was assured by the Prime Minister that he’s writing a “vote for LK” piece which will encourage more votes.

    Doesn’t matter. Voting stops at 4 pm CST tomorrow.

    I have 210 votes as of one minute ago

  28. I’m coming after work on Tues also. I will stay until Sun. the Wes is going hunting and will come back to the burney town on Sun.

  29. i saw her house yesterday and there’s no way in hell she’s gonna be in thanksgiving. think she’s delusional.

  30. this is habit forming. i was a computer illiterate until laurie begged for us to join her. now i can’t go without a day not saying anything to all our pen pals.

  31. remember that time laurie when karol lived in AH and we all went out to the river walk? larry S. was with us and everyone was pretty looped at dick’s last resort and larry and wesssssss got up to sing and we were throwing wet napkins up at the ceiling????????and when we got back at Karol’s Larry couldn’t open the door and was crying out WESSSSSSSSLREEEEEE and just finally rolled out of the door?? that was funny

  32. My last two votes have been cast, one using each of my two computers. Which, incidentally, makes me a large source of your total number of votes considering that I started voting once twice every 24 hours a week ago.

  33. Oh my goodness that was funny.

    Hey Key, I tried to comment on yours too but it didn’t post. I’ll try again.

    I told everyone I know to vote for LK! I hope that is a little reflective in the polls.

  34. you should have been here last night. true to form we were. course, i can’t really say vile words because i, too, have a public reading laurie’s crap

  35. lol, Anyway, its time for an uprising. >:>. Im gathering members and were preparing for 2012. When the world is thrown into chaos we will survive and take control.

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