The Halloween Post

Personally, I love this time of year.  Now through Christmas Eve, actually.   I love the chill in the air, the way it forces our T-shirts to morph into sweat shirts.   I love the social whirl; we’re busy; harried.  There are things to do, people to see.  The season changes and so do we.

This festive time of the year brings with it a glorious caloric and carbo onslaught.   We eat too much; we drink too much.  It’s a happy time; a poignant time.  Family comes together in joy and dysfunction; in unity and death threats.

Actually, this particular violence of which I speak is specific to my klan.  It’s usually reserved for late November and most of December, culminating on December 25th, the date of the Annual Kendrick Family Holiday Receipt Exchange.

But that’s another post.

An while October officially kicks off party season,  this really isn’t family time per se.  No, this is the month to party with friends and co-workers.   And this weekend should officially kick things off.   That’s when the most discriminating hosts, start hosting their Halloween soirees.

Have you been invited to a costume party?  Looking for a costume idea?  One that’s unique?  Different?   Offensive?  Then, you’re in luck, because I’ve done the searching for you and I have found many.  Hell, my Halloween post last year was a hit; maybe this one will be, too.

And well, since I’m a decent and generous sort,  I will imbue you once again, gentle reader, with another look-see into the world of the macabre, the funny, the unique, the expensive, the cheap, the clever, the wacky and let’s face it, if it’s on this blog, the totally tasteless.

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Not sure what this costume is exactly, but I have a feeling this guy is gonna need a Moil to get it off.

This is a repeat from last year’s post.  It’s fabulous in it’s simplicity.  All I ask is that you have the bod to pull this off.

Otherwise, behold..the ULTIMATE sausage pizza!!

If you’d like to be current and yo on your zeitgeist, then you can go with this Latex mask of my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Baumgarten.  Yeah sure, the box will tell you it’s a mask of Sarah Palin, but nah…I know better.

She also had that same oddly shaped unibrow that went back to her ears, then almost completely encircled both of her eyes.

Yep, this is Mrs. Baumgarten. I always knew her face would make a great Halloween mask some day.   As teachers go, she too was a “meeeeyaverick”.

Of course, I MUST insert the obvious joke here….”Trick or Teat!!”

Uh, don’t ask because I can’t answer you.   I’m not sure there IS an answer!!

Lately, I’ve been really getting into the unintentional comedy that exists in Japanese culture. I know it’s my Occidental perception thereof , but trying to figure what they’re attempting to convey is very amusing. I’ve spent hours on You Tube watching Nipponese videos, game shows, Public Service Announcements and what have you.

They’re hilarious.

When I found a Japanese costume website, I couldn’t help myself. Here are a couple of offerings from those who slurp Miso under the Rising Sun.

As you can see in this costume, the Japanese have no hang ups about animal genitalia.

But they sure as hell have hang downs!!!!!

halloween9.jpg

Feast your eyes on the “Crotch Giraffe”. Or the Groinraffe maybe?

halloween10.jpg

And finally, if you’re really broke, take a tip from Picasso and several different face shots in full page ads in various magazines.  Cut them up; place the various parts from different faces on your face somehow…I don’t know, use tape or glue or spit, then go to your party as a scary guy or Steve Buscemi’s uglier brother…if that’s possible.

So, there you go. My annual homage to All Souls Day.

Be careful out there–this is the time of year when lots of things either do a bump or go bump in the night.

You do the meth...I mean math!!!

I’ll leave you with this: you ALWAYS spell Halloween with two eyes!!

happyhalloween3.jpeg

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107 comments

  1. i had those greasy cheesy enchiladas at lunch and i am really bloated-too full for the fish sticks

  2. fish sticks? I bet you threw them on a plate, fixed him a huge salad (in a soup bowl) some chips and dip and put in on his tray and ran it inot the den gingerly placing it on his lap (while he sits waiting on his throne), so you could rush back to get on board. HUMMMMMMMMM?

  3. you arent too off base with that one. i took a tray to him with only the sticks and lots of ketchup and ran out of the room. forgot to give him a napkin-course he called me on it.

  4. Laurie, you need to tell about the haunted house on the hill(by the way NI too bad you didn’t witness that!) and how you had it exorcised by that drama teacher you had.

  5. Now children hush…once upon a time in a small hickey south texas town there lived a family of crews’s. They didn’t realize the evil existence they handed down to their offspring. The matriarc of the family Crews was our Nannie, aka Noan Crews to the town folk. She lived all alone in a huge old turn of the century house complete with wrap around porch. NTR will appreciate the architetural appearance of this old monster house. It had two front doors with colorful stained glass windows. This is where this story actually begins….hit it Laurie!

  6. when our nannie died, her old house was sold and demolished but the stained glass door in her house was given to our mother. after her demise, an old friend of our nannie’s also died, leaving her old stained glass door very similar to the one our mother got. so mother bought it and installed the two in our new house. they were to be the back doors.

    your turn laurie

  7. how about the time you went parking and a scary old man came upon your car and you sped off later finding his hooked hand on the door handle

  8. We had a rather large house that was connected aurally by an intercom system. One upstairs..one in the play room..the den and in the hall upstairs.

    As Iv’e mentioned before, we girls had our own phone line upstairs and our parents were real sticklers abnout us not talking on the phone after 9pm. One night daddy wakes up in the middle of the nioght nad hears what he thinks is a woman’s voice haiving a conversation.

    Kathy take it.,..

  9. Or when Kathy went to the prom and Beverly and wanda spilled pig blood on her when she was named Miss KCHS.

    Then Kathy telekinetically set the KCHS cafeteria on fire.

    I think a movie was made about that.

  10. hey laurie, diddle this. what about the time audry m. was caught spying on us while we were outside and someone yelled he had a gun. everyone fell to the ground except for elaine and she stood there saying whats going on?

  11. Those damn doors where yanked(another southern term) out of that old house when Nannie died and of course our parents had them refinished (of course!) and put in their new house on the hill as NI mentioned last night. Who the hell are you???? anyway, after we moved into that house we noticed strange things happening. That movie In cold blood, truman capote wrote the book you know-just came out and the other two sistas and I witnessed an evil presence for sure one night.

  12. the night the banister was yanked reall hard and kathy sprinted over into my room and then we heard laurie moving a very heavy dresser in front of her door.

  13. going on with our story… daddy got up only to find what he thought was a conversation going on betwix two women, namely nanny and mrs. porter.

  14. laurie, what about the ghosts in my house in sa? remember that seance and kathy was pulled to the floor? hahahahahaha

  15. no, the time I’m talking about is the stair case incident and how the rail was loose and after we all were upstairs in our rooms, we heard that familiar sound of someone coming up the stairs shaking the rail. Even though we all had our radios on we all three heard it. I called out to Karol and she said did you hear that and I said yes. I leaped in one jump across the hallway and into her room and we slammed the locked the door. Meanwhile, Laurie the youngest but meanest of us heard all of this and as unbelievable as it seems, one-handledly moved her dresser and desk in front of her door in a matter of 1.5 minutes!
    We were convinced that as was in the movie, “they” had killed our parents and were comiing up the stairs for us. we were actually scared to go downstairs in the morning. Oh by the way they weren’t killed. Next story will be about the pocketwatch.

  16. the seance in sa in my home in alamo heights? remember the smell of cinnamon and kathy being pulled to floor? kathy, you remember.

  17. yea I remember that shoe thing-scared me to death. It just jumped up in the air and turned over. Laurie, remember the old lady dressed in white lace in the hall mirror?

  18. I am not mean! We all have our roles in the family. I was prettiest and cutest and smartest and funniest and Kathy was the oldest and cKarol was the middle child.

    There you go.

  19. Laurie,

    I noticed that Sawhain reference. Blessed be.

    The pizza guy didn’t do anything for me. But the sheep was cute.

    As long as the discussion has turned to supper – can I still call it ‘beanee weanies’ if I use Vienna Sausage with pork & beans?

  20. my second daughter saw a man coming up the front stairs once wearing a boller type hat. he disappeared before he got to the top. very strange

  21. Laurie tell then what you saw at Karol’s house at alamo heights= I mean when you were living in the pool house and little virgil was talking to some old lady outside.

  22. laurie saw a woman in a wedding gown walking into a wall mirror-even heard the rustling of her dress

  23. Karol’s house she lives in now is large and scary. I hear noises there all the time. that’s why she has a dozen dogs.

  24. Karol’s deceased mother-in-law used to call it the grace. it’s a tingling that starts at your feet and works it’s way up. no other way to describe it but “having the grace”

  25. that house in SA that Karol lived in years ago was indeed the most troubled house I have ever been in. Especially the front portion of the house. the living room was very haunted-that’s where we had the meeting with the angry ghost. We had lit candles and all of sudden the flame grew at least 12 inches high and I was pulled to the floor. Honest-we were scared to no end. We stopped immediately and ran out of that room.

  26. i was given that gift of reassurance. i wasn’t scared at the time, but it did wear heavy on my mind for several years after that happened.

  27. i can’t believe you don’t remember that. the candle’s flame would rise up and we could see a form in it.

  28. were you drunk and can’t remember it? we were asking it questions about the house and all of a sudden that flame went up and we were screaming and I feel to the floor but I promise you that I was pulled. We had been drinking wine but this was real…

  29. Hey Brad-your my neighbor to the north. Beautiful weather we have been having, isn’t it???

  30. i personally haven’t felt any cold spots in this house but there were several in my house in san antonio.

  31. i remember feeling a strange sensation, scary is more like it. holly’s perfume was splendor and one night not long after her death, i woke up smelling that fragrance. don’t know why i got up but i did and went into my laundrey room which is upstairs. i got a scary sensation, chills ran through my body and i ran back to my bed and curled up against my husband and went back to sleep. strange

  32. some boys found a dead dog on the street and put in under my window. It was awful-this was after Laurie pulled her Kotex hoax on me and these guys . They never let me live that down although in those days that was a very private thing, only after we had our 20th HS reunion could we laugh about it!

  33. Hi, glad to meet all of you’ll and it has been great fun and reading. I look forward to reading Laurie’s blog, it is the greatest! So, Happy Halloween and the Day of the Dead!

  34. i remember one night i heard scratching on the front of house, right next to your bed. first, i heard a car go by then the scratching noise. don’t know why i was sleeping with you, but i almost died of fright. that house was a block from main street and when you looked out the front window, the streets were bare and scary

  35. Hey everybody. Switch gears here. What about the scariest movie you’ve ever seen?

    Mine was hands down–Halloween!!!

  36. The day of the dead on Nov. 1st. for us to remeber those who have past before us. Which I think alot of people are looking for answers from their dead love ones. I think it would be perfect for you Laurie to go to this one (Georgia O’Cannor) she was just on the news early this week. And she went to the Tomball’s old fire house to help some of the dead to past on. She was even on Channel 11 news. I think she is from around here in the Tomball = Conroe area…

  37. That doesn’t surprise me Kathy that you would have some psysic abilities. I get a sense about you.

  38. No, luck in meeting any men at that Bank, they are all into those young beauty girls, under the age of 30! But, that OK and I’m enjoying myself now, with my new horse and new freinds in the horse business. It was so neat to here all of you’ll scary stories, better than TV!

  39. I can get a certain feeling about people. It’s not easy to do through text but looking at your picture on the other post helps. I get the feeling that Kathy, you’ve lived in Europe though I can’t tell when or where specifically.

  40. I’m picking up something about the military too, but I’m not sure. I don’t think you were in the military. Father? Husband maybe? A definite Male figure.

  41. Linda, you are so amazing. yes I have always felt that I had lived in Germany during the war and either or was killed, I have a preoccupation with WWII history and anything about it. When Schindler’s List was released I almost fell apart during the scene when that little Jewish girl in the red coat ran and hid in that wooden box in the abandoned aprtment. then later on you see this little red coat on a dead little body lying in a heap of bodies. The whole thing was in black and white except that little red coat, I cried cause I think it was me.

  42. yes I did have a green formal for my senior prom and green is my favorite color. wow this is weird..With this I’ll say goodnight to all….

  43. I do love the trompe l’tits photo. And although I didn’t read all the comment thread tonight, I did last night. Enjoyed the mystery about unknown guy/gal who says he/she knew you and your sisters. It’s 2 am. I gotta start reading your blog a little earlier.

  44. Tell us the story of the seance with Ms. Waggs. I was there. I remember being in the “game room”, candles, and something about the Beatles manager she talked to or something. Then going to the den and seeing your grandmother or some aunt in the glass door. Do you remember that? Also wasn’t there dog shit down by the front stairs. And didn’t Sherry J. use the upstairs phone one day and some one was on it!!

  45. One of these days, I’m going to write about that whole nasty, vile experience. I know the house was haunted…more with sad people and bad memories than ghosts per se, but there were some very strange things that happened within those four walls.

    It’s amazing how perception can turn a nice big house from castle to prison. I was glad to move in and even happier to move out.

    I’ll write about it someday. Cheryl, I want yo to meet Key. Key this is Cheryl, my oldest friend. We met in Mrs. Porter’s kindgergarten class in the year of our Lord….1964 and have been friends ever since.

    MY GOD!! That’s a long time!

  46. hey cheryl-your walmart is very nice-spent an hour and a half there and bought $150 worth of NOTHING!

  47. I can only remember dressing up as Casper the Friendly Ghost. I’ll never forget the way that plastic mask smelled. I don’t remember going as anything else.

    I have only one memory of trick or treating in KC. And that was dressed as Casper–in a brown CARCOAT no less and knocking on the Cannon’s front door when they lived on South Line.

    I don’t remember any other time. There was a Halloween party at the City Hall…I also went as Casper. My God, was that the only costume I owned??

  48. It was that smell, you know? Remember how new toys smelled on Christmas morning? God knows what man made carcinogens we were breathing in (more so for us oldsters–cancer causing shit was far less regulated back then–but I can still smell some plastics today as an adult and when I do, I’m immediately whisked back to age 6 or 7.

    Christmas had such a palpable feel to it. An excitement that rivals anything I;ve felt as an adult.

  49. The smell of turkey roasting on Thanksgiving morning triggers memories for me too. I like Thanksgiving. It’s one of my favorites. I like the night before. Being with Karol and Kathy as we sit around with a glass of wine, talking about the time we’ll get up to _”shove the festive bird in the oven”, what other things need to be baked, cooked, made, frozen.

    Then there;s the meal, the gastric distress afterwards and in true Kendrick form…unheralded drinking finishes out the day.

    BELCH!

  50. Yeah, drinking has always been a big part of my thanksgiving celebrations. I remember spending one thanksgiving with my sister, her Lithuanian boyfriend and her accupuncture specialist. She made this rediculous feast and it looked great. But her boyfriend and I had polished off a fifth of Russian vodka by meal time and her and the accupuncture lady had downed several martinis so nobody ate. We just drank. Good times, no weight gain, familiar hangover, priceless.

  51. Hi Key. Nice to meet you too. Hi Karol. The new Wal-Mart is a big thing around here. It was good to see you. If you are ever in town again give me a call or come by.

    I think you should start on that book soon Laurie. Let me know when you are going to have a chat session again. That looks like fun.

    Going trick or treating tonight with the granson. God I am old!!! Or did I just start really young?

  52. Not sure I know the legend of KeyCoon. You know what I think of when you say Coon?!! I did read the blog about you having sex with a racoon or something to that effect. Wasn’t real sure where that story was going?!?!? Please feel me in, I would like to know more. Is Key from TX?

  53. Yep, I do remember those two queens. Ellsworth is still around. He wears some of the Dutch Mans old sweaters he bought at one of my garage sales back in the 80’s! Do you get child support from Key? You should after giving birth to a human/coon!!

  54. Key is a cheap bastard. He only pays me in insults. I thought about taking him to court. But he’d just hole up in someone’s attic, eating momentos and moth laden wedding dresses.

    I’;ve given up on Child Support. I raised our daughter Bagel as best as I could. I think she obviously takes after her father.

  55. Hi there NTR and yes I do like jewelry-but the Kendrick girls all like bling. karol has the big rocks though. I am pretty low maintenance but seem to be getting meaner the older I become. Laurie is different in many ways but we are all cut from the same cloth-coming from Nonie that is probably pretty accurate! I am proud of both of my little sisters-they are strong women who have endured many critical times. We have a great time together. we are all we have…….How was your day? Must still be at work? just got home myself and will be going over to my youngest daughter’s home(she has the cutest little 3 month baby girl) and help hand out candy. I’ll be back later-I want her to go on line and meet you all. Actually my son in law would fit in very nicely!!!!

  56. All is forgiven NTR…there was no issue to begin with.

    As for YOU Key, it pained you a great deal to show as much restraint to call me a “high maintenance being” as opposed to “high maintenance bitch” didn’t it??? Don’t lie..I know it did.

  57. So are we meeting tonight or tomorrow night? Karol in indisposed (the bunco squad is at her place tonight) so I guess we could concentrate on her, Laurie. I sure hope Linda visits cause I would love to hear more from her. That was really freaky. She knows things. I really got that feeling about her. can’t explain it though. Do not
    worry NTR Laurie doesn’t hold a grudge-if she did tthen she wouldn’t be talking to me now!!!!!!

  58. How did you come up with the name Bagel? Is she cute? It is really hard raising kids nowadays. I should know. I have 4 girls, 27, 22, 16, and 11. Two out of the 4 are like I was in high school, scary. How old is Bagel? Does she take after you or her dad? Is she a blonde?

    Have a safe and Happy Halloween

  59. Bill,

    Thanks!

    You take good care of me.

    And thanks for your help regarding the Side widgets. I have a computer literacy level that would make most of Senegal seem like Fullbright Scholars.

    LK

  60. Ok, I read Animal Husbandry. That picture of you, Karol and Kathy is really good. When was that taken? You look very happy in that picture.

    Now the picture of you in the hospital, well lets just say child birth didn’t agree with you!!

    Went trick or treating on snob hill with the granson and Callie. Had alot of fun. I’ll send you a picture.

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