My Own Private Blog Addiction

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And God gave woman the power to speak and she said…”Oh come on, Laurie! You’re out of work and bored off your ass. Keeping a blog with take your mind off of everything. Besides, you love to write. A blog could change your life”.

And it was in those words, the prophetic words of an old college friend uttered back in mid-March of 2007, that I found my blog…..

And it was good.

And I knew my blog and my blog knew me.

And so began the most tumultuous relationship I’ve ever known.

I got it bad. How bad? Well kids, I woke up this morning, laying exactly where I fell asleep—face down on top of my keyboard. I looked down and my boobs and the keyboard were one. I pealed myself off and inspected the two fleshy impersonations of Telly Savalas I have on my chest.

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On my left one were imprints of the caps lock…A..S…D and F keys.

On my right one, were the obvious indentions of the K..L.. ” and enter keys.

Two minutes later, I changed shirts, then looked in the mirror.

My boobs now had this odd texture to them. It looked like I was stuffing my bra with these:

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That did it. Old Waffle Tits can no longer deny it—I have a blogging monkey on my back. I am addicted.

Ridiculously so.

It’s a drug, I tell ya–far, FAR worse than this:

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Or this….

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Or this….

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Or even this….

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Well, maybe not that…

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Anyway, there’s a test you can take to see how addicted you are to blogging. It’s hardly anything new and has made the blogging rounds in recent months. I’m sure many of you have heard about it. Some of you might have actually taken the test already and you’re thinking, “Kendrick, this is old news!” Well, sorry, Critically Distant Mom!!! I didn’t have anything else to write about and besides, did those posts include a photo of a shower massage?????

A “hand held” one, no less????

I think not.

If you haven’t taken the test, here’s your chance. How addicted are you, Blog Barker?? Wanna find out? Click here.

By the way:

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Suck it, Betty Ford!!!!

13 comments

  1. Next time you do that, and you know that there will be a next time, post a shot of the actual waffleish gazongas and I’ll believe you. Til then, I think you are BS-ing.

    I don’t think that can happen, for real, can it? I mean, other parts, yeah, but on your boobs?

  2. Laurie:

    After I got the image of 2 Kojaks nestling on your chest out of my head, I laughed my ass off…and then I felt all awkward, like men do when they think about what hand-held shower massages can do that we can’t.

    But, great stuff, anyway!

  3. I don’t need a stinkin’ test to tell me I’m absolutely addicted to blogging. Okay, I can’t click on the test from work… but guaranteed I’m way too addicted.

    And as for the shower head massage…I say if you can’t beat em, join em.

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