Ponder Your Existence


In their song, “Name”, the Goo Good Dolls said it best when they sang, “Don’t it make you sad to know that life is more than who we are”.

It is, you know.

Now, I could get all existential and ask, “who are you?” …but nah, that’s not floating my boat right now. I am however, in the mood for introspection.

For starters, let me ask–which wine goes with Xanax and various mood stabilizers????

Moving on…

I was asked recently by Bagel, the Editrix-In-Chief of RationReality.com to write my own suicide note. Morbid yes… macabre definitely, but oddly eye opening in that I couldn’t do it. I even tried to make it funny, but the comedy wouldn’t flow. I couldn’t even be serious about it either. I’m not sure why. But I thought it was a relatively ingenious request.

And that ( like so many things in my Roulette wheel of a mind) got me thinking: has my life ever affected anyone else’s?

Had I ever really lead that groovy, “It’s A Wonderful Life” with George Bailey and Zzu Zzu’s petals in Bedford Falls kind of existence? The kind where one life touches so many others.


Had I ever ever done anything at anytime to ease the life struggles of any other human being?

Have I ever made life just a wee bit better for someone else?

Have I ever reduced strife?

Or have I just induced it?

I hope I’ve made a difference to someone… somewhere..at sometime, but I’m not sure.

So, as true dysfunctionals are want to do, I’ll transfer all of this heavy responsibility and accountability crap on to someone else…you’ll do nicely!!

Ponder these questions and please answer them:

1) Name the one person who up to this point, has had the biggest impact or made the biggest difference in your life . Tell us who, how and why.

2) Name the most uplifting song you have ever heard. The one that to this day either inspires you, moves you spiritually or emotionally OR gets your proverbial motor running. Give us the name, the artist and why it has the impact is has.

3) The third and final question is one of whimsy and fantasy. Let’s say the spirit of Stan Lee pays you a visit in your sleep. It’s not a dream, it’s Stan Lee for God’s sake and he’s offering you a sweet deal: he and the scheister advertisers who used to hawk Venus Fly Traps and X-Ray glasses in the backs of vintage Marvel comics, want to give you one…ONE superpower of your choice. It can be anything your heart desires–from being able to fly; having superhuman strength; having ESP or being able to fully understand Tennessee Titan’s QB, Vince Young when he speaks.

You willingly accept the offer.

Tell us, what would your superpower be?

And why?

angel4.jpg “Look Daddy, teacher says every time someone comments in Laurie’s blog, an angel gets some chicken wings”.









  1. 1. My sister. I can tell her anything, anytime, anywhere, and she’ll listen and even offer advice. She’s my biggest fan and supporter.
    2. Linoleum by Nofx. Works every time. Nothing made me enjoy my youth more than Fat Mike telling me my own story. Sorry, no gospel here. Jimmy Jazz by the Clash was a close second. I guess this is gospel to me.
    3. I want the power to make others realize their own faults and deal with them. I also want to be able to fly. I want to fly around and give people mental peace. If this was a beauty pageant, there’s you’re winning answer, America. Actually, I’d rather shoot lasers out of my fucking eyeballs. That’s real.

  2. 1. Betty Murdock-my middle school principal. I move to Houston in 6th grade from El Campo (which is not the 7th circle of hell–it is all the circles together) and didn’t know a single person. I was incredibly dorky (silver-rimmed glasses), incredibly sure of my intelligence and severely lacking in the ability to make friends. She kept her eye on me and would from time to time pull me aside in the halls on the way to class and tell me that she thought I was doing great and to keep up the good work. She was elegance personified and her compassion and intuition always lifted me up.

    2. Hard one–My favorite song (to get me going) is “What I Like about You” by the Romantics, but as far as uplifting (I know this is dorky but) “Don’t Wait for Heros” by Dennis DeYoung. He has a phrase that at times has encouraged me–he says “Winners are Losers who got up and gave it just one more try.” I know–corny-but I love Styx and Dennis DeYoung so that makes me biased.

    3. Teleporting. I’d love to be in a situation I hated and be able to snap my fingers and Bam-I’m sitting in a quiet restaurant in Rome sipping some wine, or Bam I’m standing behind Osama Bin Laden, I shoot him and Bam I’m back home watching college football.


  3. 1. My darling husband is the only person who has ever loved me unconditionally. I’ve tested the hell out of him, and he’s still here. He is a brave, brave man. Or really fucking stupid.

    2. The Pill by Loretta Lynn. I grew up in a place where people were actually like that.

    3. The power to write all the crap floating around in my head.

    KW: Mental peace for me please!

    LK: “Daddy, teacher says every time someone comments in Laurie’s blog, an angel gets some chicken wings” <– hahahahahahahhahaha

  4. Mmmm…Chicken wings.

    1. Without a doubt, my wife. I mean, how could she not? Good or bad, there’s no way I could come up with another person who’s had more of an impact on my life.

    2. “It is Well with My Soul” by Horatio G. Spafford would have to be one of the more inspirational. Not that I’m necessarily into listening to hymns for fun, but for some reason the modernized version of that one always stuck with me. Random, huh?

    3. Although I would seriously consider taking him up on being able to fly, I think that it would eventually get old. I could live with the ability to become invisible. Most of the time I’d like to fade into the background anyway, and I think that it would be easier on others if I wasn’t visibly moping on the fringes of their lives. That, and I could sneak into movies for free.

  5. 1. Myself. I know that wasn’t what you were looking for, but when I thought about it I am exactly where–good or bad–I have chosen to be. I can’t control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.

    The second most influential person (obviously) is my sexy redhead trophy wife.

    2. “I’m Walkin’ on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves, 1985. We were expecting our first, college was over and I felt every positive vibe the song provides. Still do.

    3. The power to let people see themselves realistically. Kinda like the opposite of what happened to Jack Black in Shallow Hall. He saw others as they are, I want the power to allow them to see themselves as they are.

  6. 1. I would lie if I didn’t say that I had the most impact on my own life. Why? Because I experienced the lose of a child several years ago-not just a baby, but a young woman eighteen years old who had her whole life ahead of her. She was beautiful inside and out and had personality personified. I was amazed that I didn’t have to resort to pills, alcohol or therapy. I survived somehow.

    2. The song, “When You Walk Through A Storm” gives me inspiration every time I hear it because I did walk through one and I held my head up high.

    3. Never really thought about having any super powers. But if I were given any, I would zap out all the deadly diseases, forever. Sounds like an answer a beauty pageant contestant would have. But it’s true.

  7. You made me think today, Laurie! Great post!

    1. My music teacher Peter McLaughlin who I still perform with today. His unwavering passion for music has always lifted me up and urged me to continue my musical study. He showed me that music is “cool” even when everyone around you says otherwise (i.e. choir and band in high school… now I could care less what people think).

    2. “Count on Me”, done by several musicians but noted here by C.C. Winans. It is the, say, theme song for my best friend and I and reminds me that no matter what is happening around me, there are people in my life that will stand by me.

    3. WhoreChurch hit it on the head … to let people see themselves realistically. Whether it is someone that suffers from low self image, someone that is annoyingly self-important, or someone who just doesn’t see the potential in themselves… I’d like to help them see who they really are, wave my magic wand and place them outside of themselves and the situation for just a little while.

  8. Thanks Laurie for giving me a reason to turn on my brain today, I’ve been a bit short of mental stimulation recently which has made me quite bored and lazy. So, here goes

    1. My father has been the largest influence on my life. I will be eternally grateful that I had a dad that loved me, took care of me and liked me. He amazed me and still does even though he died in 2000. He worked hard to support his wife and six kids. He handled the death of his first son with grace and dignity. I never heard my father say a harsh word about anyone but wanted people to be honest about their feelings towards him upon his passing, “let people know that when I die if they thought I was a bastard they should be honest about it and say it.” He accepted and supported his second son when he learned that he was gay at a time when fathers didn’t do that. He taught me the love reading, the importance of noticing the little things and he encouraged an eye for detail. He taught me by example what a truly kind and loving husband a man can and should be.

    2. Inspiration: Imagine by John Lennon. Emotion: You Belong to Me by Jim Reeves. I can’t hear this song without crying, it was my dad’s favorite. Get my juices flowing: anything by Marvin Gaye, favorite Marvin song Lets Get It On.

    3. I first thought that maybe I’d like to be able to turn water into wine, it would save me a lot of money, but that tricks already been done. So, I’ll go with the ability to heal people. Yeah, I know that’s been done too but it’s way cooler than the wine thing!

    Finally, I just want to add a personal thought from one Lori to another. I have no doubt you’ve touched many people throughout your life and I’m one of them, you have been a great inspiration to me. As the old saying goes “laughter is the best medicine” and you have healed me many, many times.

  9. 1. Number one would be my father, even though we fought like cats and dogs, I really respected him. He was a very fair man and he really hated that people would treat others so unfairly at times. He was able to support 5 kids and a wife, plus ge always helped his mother. I miss him so!

    2. My all time favorite song that always helped me was “Rumors” by Fleetwood Mac, it always seems to lift me up when I hear it

    3. I’d love to have clairvoyance and I’d love to be a great writer I’d use both to help so many people who really need my help.

    Thank you, Laurie for another outstanding blog post!

  10. wow, you are like Lori’s 1st friend that she has has had for more than 6 months??? Hmmmmmm, when is the hammer gonna drop on you??? TICK TOCK 😉

    1. God
    2. Godsmack ‘Go Away’
    3. Zapability of fake people trying justify their past and who make try to shape a boring existence into short stories filled with shiny adjectives, boring analogies, and inane, non-witty drivel or wishing Zales would have never extended me credit one Xmas season 18 years ago.

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