Hurricane Survival Tips

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For those of us who live along the American shoreline….more specifically, the Mid Atlantic and Gulf Coasts, we know that the month of September is often the most active in terms of strong hurricanes. While 2005 was a horrific year for storms, 2006 was quiet and so far, 2007 has been as well. Yet, the month has just reached the halfway point and Dean and Felix both reached Category 5 status before making Mexico and Belize their meteorological bitches.

So with that said, we can never be too careful. We must remain vigilant.

This was proven true as Hurricane Humberto literally formed from a cluster of thunderstorms near the Upper Texas Coast and then into a Category One hurricane making landfall, all within a scant 14 hours time.

Here at Laurie Industries, your safety is our main concern.

Each year, we receive several and publish suggestions  regarding the best way to prepare for an impending hurricane or what to do once Mother Nature’s fury is upon you.

This suggestion comes to us from Dean and Karla Faye Pettigrew of the Free Bird Mobile Home Park and Tire Wholesale Warehouse in Bayviewchanneldena, a mostly blue collar suburb of Houston, where one would find most of the refineries and plants associated with the area’s vast petrochemical industry.

Dear Laurie,

How are you? We is fine and everything.    Me and Karla Faye is reddy to go shoold one of them big ass hurrycanes come back Texas way. We lucked out and all with Umberdo but remember back when that nuther last big ass storm done come through this airea back in 2001 or thereabouts.

Me and Karla Faye is young..just 20 years old and  we don’t got no fancy book learnin’ like you, but we knowd when there is danger. We had to leave our trailer park for the water that Tropical Storm AliceSon brung with her. It rained like 23 inches in day, you remember that shit? Anyways, the water come up to the door of the trailer and was rising.  We had to git out fast.  Man, that water sho’ was high!

‘Bout as high as Karla Faye was that afternoon, as a matter of fact, that old heiffer!!

The crazy bitch even went back in for her carton of smokes she forgot and she’s so skinny that the current almost swept her away.   Man, I was skeert I’d lose her.  They’d find a body in the water a week later and I’d have to go identifee her through her dental records.  

She only got that one front bitin’ tooth and she calls that “Old Yeller”.  

Well, Miss Laurie, we learnt a whole lots from the esperiense and we’s ready should we get hit agin…more drectly that what did Hamburdo done. Namely we learnt that you should, have your smokes with you at all times!

Here’s our “Hurricane Git Ready” list and we also included a picture that a newspaper fella took from when we had to evakwate, evakyouwait, uh…split in a hurry the last time. Like I done already told you, the water come up so fast, we hardly had time to excape the trailer with all the provishins! We know better now and we’re ready!

Thank you and keep on rockin’!    Skynyrd forever!!

Dean and Karla Faye Pettigrew

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The Pettigrew’s Hurrakane Git Ready Kit

Toilet Paper…………………………………. check

Bud Light……………………………………. check

Keystone Ice…………………………………. check

Budweiser…………………………………… check

Red Dog……………………………………… check

Important papers such as EZ Widers and deed to trailer…………………….check

Misc. bottles of alcohol & other shit, like mustard………………….check

Big ol’ piece of plywood to float your gacked out old lady and booze on…….check

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6 comments

  1. Forgive me. I re-read this and just now caught “Bayviewchanneldena”. So funny! Ya gotta be from Houston to get that one.

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