Observations Part 5

OK…first let me say that I AM NOT A SISTER OF SAPPHO!! Save for that little college thing, I am straight. With that said, I think Paris Hilton is not pretty—as a rule. I do think that she oozes a certain sexiness that would appeal to the base/primordial/feral sensibilities of the every man.

And Rosie O’Donnell.

I have also seen pictures of her that I are not flattering at all. In addition to being completely contrived as a human being, if you’ve ever taken the time to look at an array of photos of Paris (and really, why would you???) in certain poses–she looks just like a bird. I mean, she’s got an incredibly, long. pointed and slightly “hooked at the bottom” nose.

I noticed this about her when she first forced herself on the scene as a celebrity famous for being a famous celebrity.

Because she’s so painfully and obviously aware of her nose, you rarely see her in candid shots. She’s always posed…ALWAYS and no doubt, a consultant just as contrived has shown her how to pose to minimize the size and shape of that honker of hers! I assure you, she can open large bottles with that thing!!

While candid pics of Paris are hard to find, they’re not impossible. I found one of the “Air-Ass” that exemplifies my point exactly–she reminds me of a bird.

A beaked bird.

Oh and yes..this rant does indeed stem SOLELY from jealousy!

paris2.jpg . birdmouth.jpg

As jealous as I am, I’m still honest and this bird photo is so Paris!!

Moving on….

To me, this great country’s ex-Attorney General, Alberto Gonzales–Bush sycophant that he is—looks just like a troll.

alberto4.jpg . imagestroll1.jpg

Something about the nostrils, I think.

This next comparison struck me in the days, weeks and months after Katrina.

I’ve always been a fan of strange director, John Waters. I’ve always appreciated his love of the inane and his use of grotesques. In my more herbal and chemically enhanced younger days in Austin, Texas, there was nothing I liked more than getting in an altered state and then going with my rowdy friends to watch a John Waters flick…especially those with Divine–the perfect drag queen. You youngsters should make John Waters requisite viewing.

Anyway, John Waters and Michael Chertoff, the Secretary of Homeland Security look alike.

johnwaters6.jpg . chertoff2.jpg

The collection of public domain photos of President Bush are amazing! There’s a wealth of stuff to choose from. Someday soon, I think I’m going to post nothing but interesting presidential photos. Interesting? How about just plain weird?? What makes this even better are the facial expressions the camera captures. You may not realize just how expressive he is, but the camera does.

I found this photo of the President with his mouth askew and remembered that I’d seen stills of actress, Elizabeth Montgomery as Samantha Stevens’ same nose/mouth twitch combo that always precluded some kind of William Asher inspired on-set hijinx–such as turning her husband Darren’s boss, Larry Tate into a prize-winning Shetland Pony. That was so gosh darn funny!

The hilarity ensues….

.bushbewitched2.jpg . bewitched.jpg

This next comparison will be debatable. This is the best photo I could find that demonstrates that either actor Kelsey Grammar looks like a younger Fred Thompson OR…..former actor/politician, Fred Thompson looks like an older Kelsey Grammar.

fred3.jpg . kelsey.jpg

This one might be a long shot, but here goes. I suggested this and my friend called me “a short and insane woman with obvious eye floaters”. But I can see it.

I’m not a Dr. Phil fan. I read his first book and hated it. He’s a pop psychologist who depends entirely on his PhD. I respect Doctors of Philosophy, but not Dr. Phil. He bothers me. So when I went looking through 29 pages of photos of the good hack, I found one picture that reminded me of the Cradle of Texas liberty.

Yes, the top of Dr. Phil’s wavy head with that rounded point thing on top, reminds of the upper facade of The Alamo:

Here, I’ll prove my point:

drphil11.jpg . alamo77.jpg


Here’s an interesting look at disgraced NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak and FOX News Host and “drop-all-of-the-last-syllables -of-every-word-she-utters” Anchor, Greta Van Susteren.

lisa.jpg . greta.jpg

The two only slightly resemble each other, but I wanted to include Miss Greta in the mixed because like Lisa, she has that now familiar look on her face. You know the one–that…

Oh great! I need to be in goddamn Rupert Murdoch’s office in 15 minutes and I’ve just soiled my knickers/panties/drawers. Ouch! It burns!! Shit!! What the hell did I eat“…



And we end this edition of Observations with a comparison sent to me by my friend, Lana H. You’ve probably seen this before–it’s making the e-mail rounds, but here you go….again.





Click here to be taken to Observations:  Part 6 


  1. The afternoon drive-time radio guys I listen to dubbed Michael Chertoff “Skeletor” because he’s so gaunt and bony-lookiing.

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