I’m A South Park Conservative



I didn’t know I was what I was, until I had a conversation with the brilliant Buckley F. Williams, who’s one half of the hippest, funniest blog on the planet, The Nose on Your Face

Here’s how the telephone conversation went:

BFW: Laurie, based on your writing, I think you’re a (expletive deleted) South Park Conservative”.

LK: “Oh really? What the (expletive deleted) is that?”

It’s a phrase coined by author, Brian C. Anderson. His book, South Park Conservative: The Revolt Against Liberal Media Bias, explores the idea that the traditional mass media in the U.S. are biased against conservatives. But through new media, such as the Internet, cable TV, talk radio and yes…even BLOGS!!!!!…conservatives are slowly regaining some power.

So, I guess I’m a South Park Conservative.

From what I understand, we vote Republican (mostly, but not exclusively) and for the most part, we maintain the party platform, yet, we’re not necessarily culturally Conservative. We can be funny; we push–no–we shove the P.C. envelope–in fact, we can can and do call things as they are….not unlike the animated Comedy Central show of the same name.

It also means we’ll rail on the Republican Party and it’s leaders when warranted. No one is above criticism.

I’ll go ahead and admit that perhaps it was because I was a teenager in the early and mid 70’s, I still possess a few Liberal leanings. I still believe in certain social programs…BUT I’m Conservative enough to know that most are fractured, fragmented and in dire need of reform.

So, Buckley F. Williams, I thank you for giving me a name. I welcome the moniker. From what I can tell, I’m in good company.

Dennis Miller is perhaps, the big Gran-Pere /Kahoona of the movement. He’s the man who first dared to be funny while espousing a Conservative diatribe. Stephen Colbert is feigning it on “The Colbert Report”, but in truth, fair Montague–I actually think he might actually ascribe to a more conservative slant than he lets on.

Why do I feel this way? I don’t know for sure; I think it’s something about his ears….or maybe I should say his “ear”–singular.

Martha Martinez is an acclaimed Houston radio icon and an longtime friend of mine. She knows I think Colbert has a certain sex appeal that I find quite alluring. BUT…the heifer ruined that for me when she pointed out Colbert’s right ear.

It’s points out and to the right.

Out and to the right…

Out and to the right…

Look at me! I’m Kevin Costner as D.A. Jim Garrison in the assassination re-enactment during the trial scene in “JFK”.



Colbert’s ear thing bothers me. They look almost elfin in appearance…Spock-ish even.

Here… see for yourself:


And this one, too:


Do you see it? The way they bend outward? Do you? It’s there.

Now, I can’t watch Colbert without focusing on that damn right ear.

I thought for the longest time that maybe Martha and I were alone in our “ear-sessment” of Colbert. I mean, you never hear anyone making fun of his those two fleshy handles on either side of his head.

But I learned I couldn’t be more wrong.

His ears, apparently, are legend.

I found a picture of a guy who went as Steven Colbert last Halloween.

The ear likeness is frightening. The angles on both while exaggerated, are perfect!


Scary, isn’t it?

Colbert and his ear. That damn right ear.

Gotta wonder if Lisa Lobe is his favorite singer?


I know, I know….OUCH!!!!




  1. South Park Conservatives is my favorite book. I am a proud South Park Conservative.

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