Worthless Crap You Learn While Unemployed

Fear not kids, Laurie is OK!!!

I’ve been down lately because there has been much to be down about. But After 13 unmitigated hours of restorative sleep last night, I am looking at life a wee bit differently.

I said a wee bit.

In the meantime, soak up and take advantage of my decent mood. It won’t last long.

I was doing some research for a friend recently when I happened on some of the most interesting facts. I’d like to share a few with you if I may. You’ll be able to dazzle and wow your friends, family and co-workers with this shit!

Since I’m in dire need of one, I decided to look up the etymology of the word “salary”. Here’s what I found: it’s derived from the Middle English salaire and from the Latin word salarium, when means a payment made in salt. It’s also derived from salarius, which means, pertaining to salt. Ever heard of the phrase “worth his weight in salt”? Well, salt used to be negotiable. In medieval times, grunt workers were paid in salt. Hence the word “salary”.

There’s a very derogative word…an acronym actually, that many prejudiced, Archie Bunker types used to describe Italians. It’s “WOP”. It was coined around the turn of the century when there was a mass migration of Italians nationals to New York City. They’d arrive at Ellis Island for processing with nothing but the clothes on their backs and their dreams of “The New World”.

When they were entered into the U.S. system and paperwork was started, each sheet was stamped with three letters, W.O.P which signified that they entered the U.S. With Out Papers….WOP.

You uh like uh dat uh one? So, uh dare uh you go uh. Ees a nice uh, fun uh facta!

Here’s one that probably most people know. The slang term for a police officer is “cop”. That is also an acronym derived from Constable On Patrol.

All of your drinkers out there, know what a shot glass is, right? Well, here’s the interesting story behind the derivation of that term.

It stems from back in the days of cowboys and cattle drives. Cowpokes working the drives were paid sporadically. When the drives would meander near towns, the cowboys would ride their horses to the saloons (and there was ALWAYS a saloon) for some whiskey. Because they were paid so intermittently, they hardly had any money. Well, one smart barkeep figured out that the price of one bullet (which cowboys always had a plethora of) was comparable to the price of a small jigger of whiskey. One bullet for one jigger of whiskey, hence the word “shot”.

Other funky facts are as follows:

There are as many chickens on this planet as humans.
You have enough micro-organisms in your mouth to equal a cockroach, which as we ALL know is a pestilence carrying, filthy, nasty, ugly, germ-laden, asshole of a bug.

DATELINE: Australia—- A man was diagnosed with lead poisoning after he ate three feet of electrical cable a day. He said, “It had a sweet and pleasant taste, especially near the center.”

A sneeze leaves your mouth a 100 miles per hour.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. And the first one was built partly by a prison inmate. He later died in it for murder.

Tennessee used to be called Franklin.

Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark. What a pussy.
If ribbon worms can’t find any food, they will eat themselves. How very John Holmes of them!

The oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old.
More Monopoly money is printed in a year, than real money printed throughout the world.

Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years.

“Pants” used to be considered a bad word in England. Apparently, so are present day versions of the phrases, “I love you” and “I care for you” and “You mean everything to me. Please, marry me”.

Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women. (A Laurie addendum: Guess that’s why they call it a “lightning rod”)

Americans choke on toothpicks more that anything else.
The opposite sides of a dice cube always add up to seven.

A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

Reindeer enjoy eating bananas.
The man who played the voice of bugs bunny was allergic to carrots.

Sherlock Holmes never said “Elementary, my dear Watson.”
Every time you lick a stamp you licking in 1/10 of a calorie. Nummy. My ass can’t take that! I have to buy self adhesive stamps.

A blue whale’s tongue weighs more than you think….as much if not more than an elephant.

Di Vinci spent 12 years painting Mona Lisa’s lips. At Halloween last year, it took me three hours trying to take them off. See, I went as The Mona Lisa for Hallow…..never mind.

You can’t sneeze with your eyes open. Too bad.   How do you know where the snot lands?

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. Can you imagine what his co-workers thought when they saw this big, brown stain that looked like a tiny Rhode Island RIGHT by his crotch? That 1940’s crowd probably thought he was “dileeding” (dick + bleeding).

Walt Disney was afraid of mice. Most of humanity was scared of Walt when he was all hopped up on Opium.

Ted Turner owns 5 percent of New Mexico. 100% of New Mexico regrets the hell out of that fact.

Most Americans’ car horns beep in the Key of “F”.

Dolly Parton once lost a Dolly Parton look-alike contest.

Toto was paid $125 a week during the filming of the Wizard of Oz. In bones.

The Sears Tower in Chicago has its own zip code (postal code for my British friends).

People spend about two weeks of their lives at traffic lights!

Left handed people live slightly shorter lives than right handed people.

Armadillos are able to contract leprosy. That would explain that ugly ass exo-skeleton. BONUS POINTS FOR THAT ONE, SCOTTDAMMIT!!!.

Ten years ago, only 500 people in China could ski. This year, an estimated 5,000,000 Chinese will visit ski resorts.

The ant, when intoxicated, will always fall over to its right side. So, did most of my ex boyfriends!

The original name of Bank of America was Bank of Italy.

Toxic house plants poison more children than household chemicals.

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores. That makes perfect sense!

In Bahrain, a male gynecologist can only examine a woman’s private parts through a mirror.

If the entire population of earth was reduced to exactly 100 people, 50% of the world’s currency would be held by 6 people.

OK Kids, that’ll do it for fun facts today. I’ll be back tomorrow all sullen, petulant, ornery, taking umbrage and being just plain bitchy. In other words, back to my old self.

.

5 comments

  1. Hey Laurie –

    2 Things – I tagged you which means that I check you out and ….. good thing I have you in this mood today. Maybe you’ll do the Tag thing also – but up to you.

    Oh, btw – there is no million dollar payout awaiting you for tagging ppl or posting some things about yourself….which you already do….you just have to list 8 of them. Rules are, OF COURSE, on my blog – which my friend MikesGotNothin did to me.

    As for money – I made $5 playing guitar in old town alexandria on Sunday night. I’ll be donating it to Feed The Children.

    What happened to Bonnie Franlin asking me for 52 cents a day – the price of a cup of coffee. Is Starbucks aware that coffee only cost 52 cents about a decade ago?

    Chow.

    PS….Word on the street is that some men have lightning rods and some men have lightning twigs. What’s your preference?

  2. I love your writing style, Laurie! I am so bored at my job that I spend more time researching anything online considering my job is complete at 10am everyday– but thankful for my job. You’re hilarious.

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