First let’s establish which hillbillies we’re talking about…the good ol’ West Virginia salt-of-the-Earth mountain folk like this?
OR…that other kind of Hillbilly? The filthy, duhty kind from Hope, Arkansas:
Hill looks good in this photo, doesn’t she?
Anyway, let’s stick with the West Virginia Hillbillies shall we? Here goes:
After having their 11th child, a W.V. couple decided that was more than enough..mainly because they couldn’t afford to buy a bigger bed.
So, the husband goes to his veterinarian in the town not far from his tiny, mountaintop home. He tells the vet that he and his sister “don’t want no more chidrins…eleben are’ nuff” and that he “gots to have somepin’ done ’bout muh baby makin’ manhood cuz we kin barely sleep in da same baid lessen’ she get all babified”.
The vet told him that he know’d of a preeceedure called a “vasectomy”, but it weren’t cheap and the vet ‘spect that the old mountain man could nary afford it. The hillbilly asked “What costed less dollars?” and the vet said he done thought he know’d of a sure fire way to fix his problem for a whole lots less of money.
The vet told the guy to go on home, buy him one of them powerful strong firecrackers called “a cherry bomb”, then light it, then right quick, plop it into an empty beer can he done already drunked, then put the can up to right side to his ear, then count to one to ten.
The hillbilly looked at the vet real suspicious like and said, “Now looky here , ya dadburn fool! I ain’t got no fancy book learnin’ and I ain’t the smartest tool in the outhouse, but I kain’t see how no galldurn cherry bomb in a old beer can I done already drunked and puttin’ that ol thang by my dadgum ear and countin’ from to one ta ten is gonna help any with my havin’ babies problem! You teched in the mind, Doc? ‘Cuz I think you is crazy!”
“No, I ain’t. I’m fine. Trust me!” The vet said. “This preeceedure was MADE for people just like you-ins!”
So, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can, placed it by his ear then started to count to ten.
At this point, he paused and placed the beer can betwixt his laigs and continued countin’ with the other hand.
By the way, this procedure also works very well in Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Missouri, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, both Carolinas and by changing up the characters somewhat when referring to the specific geographic locations of College Station, Texas and of course, Warsaw, Poland.