What’s Appropriate

Here I am. Now 49 years of age.

Good lord!!

I looked in the mirror at midnight on my birthday this past April and stared inquisitively at my eyes wondering if I’d see anything different.

Nope.

Nothing.

I’m still a great piece.

Age, I’m learning IS what the ubiquitous “they” say….it is relative. Sure, it makes a difference in the box you check on certain forms and it could ultimately lower the cost of my airline tickets and hotel rooms someday soon. But really, we’re only as old as we mentally allow ourselves to be.

But in the here and now, I’m fine. In fact, I’m better than fine. I embrace my age. I welcome the ceremonial calender flip that I perform on this day each year.  Since turning 49, I have been looking forward to what this  year will life brings.    It excites me and I am renewed.

Dare I even say that I’m……hopeful????

Huh?  Who is this person that types this???

What woman art thou that thus be screened in optimism and so stumblest on my blog?

And what have you done with her?

Nothing.

Tis I.

Me.

The one who is older, yet newer. Better.  Stronger.  Semi-impervious. I feel everything is almost…ALMOST as it should be.

Appropriate.

On that note, let us segue into the wonderful world of propriety.

When I was growing up, I was forbidden to call boys. And then I was always told, let the boy make the first move–DON’T chase him. I was served a heaping helping of platitudes such as “Men won’t buy the cow, when they can get the milk free”.

Yeah, right Mother and women only buy vibrators for neck messages.

Anyway,  a colleague and I were discussing when it’s appropriate to sleep with a guy.

First date? A resounding NO!

Second date? Let him get to what our mothers’ described as ” in between second and third base”.

Third date?   Yes, probably…though more often than not, first dates usually end up in a sultry remake of Moses parting the fleshy seas, especially if wine, whiskey or Roophies are involved.

Regardless of when the deed is committed, the dynamics change simply because the deed WAS committed.  Shortly, after the after glow (providing there is any) we assume are hardwired gender traits.    HE’s debating whether there will even be a follow-up date, while  we women have already bought the last three issues of “Bride’s” magazine without leaving the bed AND we’re thinking china patterns.

In taking appropriate behavior one step further: when you meet an older person, you are ALWAYS to call him or her Mr. or Mrs Much Older Person; you NEVER refer to them by their first names. They’ve lived long enough to be shown the respect they’ve earned.

It’s appropriate.

You see, Dumplings, it’s a darn good thing that we have propriety. Just think how chaotic and uncivilized the world would be!

We have stop signs and deodorant. We have Chapstick and flat irons and Anusol. Propriety makes for a better society. We have these oh so relevant things so we don’t collide, stink and perspire, frizz or scratch in areas that are inappropriate.

Additionally, we should always send a handwritten thank you note for anything requiring a show of appreciation. And only do so in black ink. A ‘thank you note” is the proper thing to do.

Whenever we write or type anything, we must remember that propriety, just doesn’t necessarily mean the act of sending a note, it’s also in the content. We use punctuation or rather symbols that represent punctuation. Without these representatives,  we’d have to spell the words themselves and that would be both suggestive and too, too graphic.

For example–say,  a Mom needs to write an excuse for her daughter to refrain from gym class that day.  imagine the content of note  if we DIDN’T have punctuational symbolism.

“Lisa is in the midst of her menses (period)”

It pertains to other areas of life, too.

“Bob keeps striking out with the ladies. He tried to pick up this hot chick at the bar, but he ended up going home alone (underscored) again”

The doctor is very concerned about Ted’s suspicious rectal polyps (semi-colon) the cancer screening test is set for Tuesday”

I think you get my gist.

Anyway,  I just drank copious amounts of Chianta and I’m feeling incredibly relaxed (calma.…er uh “comma”) so I must close now.

,.

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2 comments

  1. Happy 48th you fabulous young thing! In the words of the late George Burns — “Young. Old. Just words.”

    Have the best birthday ever and remember the universe is yours to capture!

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