American Horror Sstory/Asylum: Episode Five

My..my..my..my..my.

Dr. Threadson revealed he is Bloody Face.

Or did he??????

Why would the creative team of Falchuk and Murray shoot their wad so quickly?  I mean, the identity of the person behind Bloody Face is this season’s Latex Onesey Gimp.   And by the way, I still feel that one of last year’s MAJOR AHS plot flaws was a failure to reveal anything about this black shiny masochistic device, as in why Tate wore it.  Why he killed while wearing it.  We all knew he could kill without it.   Remember the exterminator in the basement?   There were other murders he committed without the suit as well.

So, why reveal five episodes in that Threadson is Bloody Face?

Okay, I’ll accept that he might be a murderer–he might even be the real Bloody Face,  but I’ll bet you ANY amount of money that BF version 2012 isn’t Threadson, unless he’s also gotten that Dorian Grey thing down.  Remember, this season takes place in 1964.   For Threadson to still be whacking and hacking today, he’d have to be in his 80′s.  The Bloody Face that attacked the haunted house touring honeymood couple, Adam Levine and the Mila Kunis/Selena Gomez clone in the first episode, sure was agile and fast for an octogenerian.

We’ll have to dissect this further once we learn more about Threadson and his plans diabolique for future female victims.

Meanwhile, LOVED the homage to Ed Gein with the nipple’s clearly visible in the lampshade made out of skin in Threadson fabu 60′s bachelor pad.   Old Eddie was one extremely interesting homicideal maniac who was the inspiration behind The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Silence of The Lambs.  He’d kill, rob graves and keep trophies of his exploits.   A chair made or real human args and legs, etc.

Even the candy bowl on Threadson’s coffee table was the top of a skull.   Cool, as was the trap door in his…uh “work room”.    If you remember, Threadson took a fancy to reporter Lana Winters and promised he could/would rescue her from Briarcliff.   He made good with her promise.   He walked her right out, put her in her front seat of his car and even told an aproaching gaurd sent by Sister Jude to find him, that he no longer worked at Briacliff.  In fact, he insisted that the guard tell her that “he never had worked there”.

Makes me wonder if he was ever really a shrink and just a well educated maniac who lied his way in to Briarcliff to find who or what he was looking for.  I mean, hey–for a serial murder with a penchant for crazy, asylums make victims ripe for the picking.   And after last night’s episode, it sounds almost like Lana will be spared because she’s a reporter and this murderous psychopath-slash- narcissist wants his story told.   Perhaps Lana will get the story, but she’ll have to go tbrough  HELL to get it written.  He took the face off of Lana’s lover who he attacked in episode two and made a mask out of it.    He crudely placed her teeth in and around the lips and asked Lana to give it a big old wet one.

Nercophelia is bad enough, but add dismemberment to the issue?????

Ed Gein was in to that, too.

Also, I’ve inclined to think that Grace (the French chick with the shag haircut) never went under the knife for her sterilization.  I think she was abducted by the aliens from her cell (which by way, looked very much like the one Adam Levine’s wife hid from Bloody Face in).   She was awakened by this approaching bright light and grinding metal on metal sound and just before we went to commercial, we were offered an extreme close up of Graces face and eventually her eye, and in a pinpoint light next to her pupil,  you could see an image of something–it was either an octopus….a Portuguese Man of War…..OR….one of the tentacled but benevolent aliens that greeted Jodie Foster on the familiar beach of her mind in the movie, Contact.

Did anyone else see that or was I just having an acid flashback?

Anyway, she’s on an examining table on some nebulous sound stage and has some strange encounter with Alma, (I think that’s her name)  which was Tate’s wife that was supposedly killed by Tate/Kit, but as we know, was actually abducted by aliens.   So does this mean Alma is alive and living happily among the aliens or….did they simply need to move into her body to appear human to dupe the humans??????   You know aliens are.

Anyway, the next thing we know, she’s sitting in the  Commons Room and bleeding vaginally.    Tate/Kit sees her and thinks she was sterilized.  Just then the guards come in with the police and arrest him for all the Bloody Face murders.   They say they have his taped confession.

Which was something Threadson made him do in an old reel to reel recorder under the guise if he heard what happened in his own words there would be a better psychological connected to what really happened–or some psycho-babble shit.  Threadson sent the tape to authorities giving them their Bloody Face and allowing Threadson to continue to thrill-kill willy nilly.

No, I don’t think Grace was sterilized.  I think she was either crudely impregnated by the aliens or had an impromptu hysterectomy, not sure which.  I say this because of the conversation he and Grace had in their adjoining cells.   There was a lot of talk about wanting children…especially how much he and his wife Alma wanted kids.  I feel there’s a connection there somewhere.

I also loved Chloe the hobbled nympho’s appearance at the bottom of the stairs near the school.   Sister Satan told Dr. Arden that she took her out to the woods.   Nah, she tossed her down the stairs just like Regan did with Father Karras at the end of The Exorcist.    The stairs even looked like the ones in the movie and lest we forget, the demonic connection is shared in the story line.  As we’ve learned over the past two seasons, Falchuk and Murray are not above pilfering (lovingly so) from their favorite horror movies.

Then there’s Anne Frank, supposedly Charlotte Brown, a housewife with one helluva bad case of postpartum psychosis.   After having her baby, she became obsessed with Anne Frank and assumed her identity.  Whether she’s Anne or not, she knew enough to be able to  completely out Arden as Herr Doctor Gruber or Gruper, an insidiously cruel Nazi SS  physician who toured the Concentration Camps performing ungodly experiments on inmates.

Eventually, Charlotte’s husband has to bring her back to Briarcliff–he can’t handle her and Arden performs a lobotomy on her.   She goes home and transforms into this Stepford Wife who’s in the process of throwing away all her Nazi homework.   But she didn’t get to all of the copies of photos and newspaper stories on the wall.    Just as episode five comes to an end, the camera keys in on one remaining photo hanging there.   It’s one of Hitler standing at a podium in the midst of some anti-Semitic/Final Solution speech and behind him is a scowling decorated SS officer and of course, it’s none other than,  Dr. Arden Gruper Nazi SS Angel of Death Sadist Tool.

Lastly,  did Sister Jude actually go out on the town, and with her red lipstick, seduce up a man at a bar and sleep with him?    Or was that just a fantasy of her previous life or of a life she wants to live outside of her monastic confines????    Arden did say he was going to press charges against her because Anne Frank lifted a gun off a visiting detective and shot Herr Doctor in the leg.  Just a flesh wound.

Sister Jude said the charges meant that it was over for her.  She was done.  Tooth pick inserted in the center and removed crumbless.

Here’s what I think:  Threadson will keep Lana hostage in his hellish lair o’death forcing him to write his biography….a hat tip to the movie Misery, perhaps.   Sister Satan will become increasingly more demonic and will form an unholy alliance with Arden to rule Briarcliff and with the help of the aliens, develop maniacal, imperialistic designs to eventually, THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ll bet Grace is pregnant.  Tate/Kit somehow gets a ‘get out of fail’ card and we’ll learn more about the human eating, forest dwelling creatures,  a sorority in which  the hobbled nympho will surely be blackballed.   Perhaps, the tubby teacher who saw her attempting to slither up the stairs near campus, will call the cops who’ll be able take her to the hospital where she might still be verbal enough to prove that she’s a prime example of Dr. Arden’s handiwork.

And then…maybe the Simon Wiesenthal-esque nazi hunter that Sister Jude contacted will finally get his man.

And in turn, so will Sister Jude.

Probably won’t be able to offer up an overiew of episode six next Wednesday.  I’m cooking for 11 people for Thanksgiving in my lovely, semi-well appointed new home.    I’ll be up to my armpits in dressing, cranberries and Kendrick holiday  mayhem.  See you back here for Episode Seven in two weeks.

Also, my epic piece on JFK assassination facts will be published Tuesday.  this year marks the 49th anniversary of his death in Dallas.  I’ve done a lot of research on regarding lots of little known facts about the case.   Interesting read, if I say so myself.

Until then have a great holiday, kids.

Oh and have a turkey leg for the hobbled Nympho.

American Horror Story/Asylum: Episode Three

“There’s a big fat storm coming, Sister. “

Wow, Satan In A Wimple–you said a mouthful!!!

What a difference a week makes.    Seven days ago, the meek little convent rodent known as Sister Mary Eunice was possessed by Old Scratch himself during a botched exorcism of a young country boy.   She was shy, reserved, vulnerable and frightened by her own shadow.    This week,  she’s a mean, angry, slut murderer.  The very antithesis of what she was.  Gee, I guess demonic possession will do that to you.  She looks different; she talks different…her mannerisms are completely changed.

While in the common room, telling the inmates of fair Briarcliff that a storm is coming (art immitating life in the damndest way–Huricane Sandy), Sister Jude has decided that showing a movie when the storm hits,  will help quell the neurosis that will no doubt result from thunder and lightning.  The movie is a storm in it’s own right. I can’t remember the title, but it’s about sex, violence and the ‘death of  Christians”.  When describing it to the inmates.  Sister Mary Eunice (Sister Satan)  announces that fact with a gleam in her eye.  Her pupils, I swear, turned red when she said it.  That’s when one hip inmate who didn’t speak a lick of the King’s took one look at her and said in a frightened whisper, “SATAN!!”

Sister Mary Eunice Von Demonburg gave her an “I’ll deal with you later” look and trust me,  she did…she killed the woman while praying, on her knees on the floor of her dingy, dirty cell, with scissors in the throat.

Sounds like a clue from the game, Clue.

Sister Satan immediately piled the body into a wheelbarrow and took it to the forest where she encountered one of the Creatures–at least I think it was one of the Creatures.  This one, obviously drawn to the location in search of a fresh, hot lunch, had very human looking arms and hands.    There was no exchange.   The show segued straight to commercial

After 60 seconds worth of Proctor and Gamble propaganda, we return–it’s the next day; the day the Nor’Easter will hit.   Sister Satan brings the mail in to  Sister Judes.    Included in the bills and super saver shopping notices, is a newspaper from June 28th, 1949, the day that Sister Jude, when she was known as Jud’s office.   Now if you remember from last week,  that was the day Sister Jude (then known as  Judy, a gin joint singer and all-purpose fun  girl, had run over a young girl while driving home with a snoot full.   It was a fatal hit and run apparently.   It’s also been haunting Sister Jude ever since and one of the principle reasons she became a nun.  As if that could eliminate any and all guilt.   Because it doesn’t and never will,  Sister Jude freaks out.  No one is supposed to know anything about her sordid past.

Enter paranoia and the frightening realization that  Sister Satan–who no once seems to notice has become a far more fun character to watch–knows everything.  Omniscience must be one of the few perks of possession.   She’s gotten into Sister Jude’s head but good!!!   She comes back into her office with a carafe of communion wine that she claims someone is drinking on the sly.  She’s also wearing bright red lipstick, the same shade Jude wore back during party days.   Sister Satan tries to get her to taste the wine, knowing full well she’s an alcoholic.   Instead of sampling the grape stompings, she forcibly removes the lipstick which Sister Satan said she applied at the insistence of Dr. Mengele Arden.   Remember, this pervert has the hots for the nunlet.

Now, Sister Satan decides to get in and romp willuy nilly  in Dr. Arden’s head.   She enters his office, coming off as the same naive monastic he’s knows and lusts after.  Her purpose is to seduce him.    She was wearing a garter belt and exclaimed that she was and I quote–”all juicy”as she exposed her “mossy banks” to him with her legs akimbo on his desk.   This appalls the good doctor apparently, he likes his women to be pure, touchable only through fantasy.    Dr. Arden bitch slaps her.    Sister Satan just laughs and calls him a panty waste.

In the meantime, the storm starts to move in–thunder, lightning, driving rain.  Hitchcockian weather to be sure.    The phone rings in Sister Jude’s office, she answers it and it’s the voice of the little girl she struck and killed all those years ago.   Oh, this is not good.   Sister Jude is mentally screwed up as a result.  Why is this happening?  Who knows within the asylym walls that she’s a killer.   She grabs the decanter of communion wine and starts drinking.

She drunkenly enters the common room that’s been turned into a theater and makes an announcement. It starts and in the darkness, Tate, Lana the Reporter, the Vague French Girl and Nymphomaniac make a run for it.  They actually make it outside, thanks to the nympho who bought them some time by uh….well, “inflating” one of the guards who’s been searching for the Mexican, the woman with David Ferrie like eyebrows, who sensed Sister Satan was in fact, Sister Satan.   She knocks him out and starts to run down the hall where her fellow escapees are waiting, but she’s  cornered by Dr. Arden who decides this stormy night is the perfect occasion for him to finally sample her sexual wares, since he’s the last staffer in all of Briarcliff to do so.    He forces her to assume the position and unzips his pants, but apparently, the doc and his body part that rhymes with his occupation is either ridiculously small or badly misshapen.  The nympho laughs at it which enrages the doctor.  He hits her over the head and knocks her out.

Meanwhile, Sister Satan awakens Sister Jude from her drunken slumber and tells her there are several inmates missing.  She gets up and starts to look for them and encounters some crazy looking alien that we’ve not seen before.  It’s a quick shot; you just get a fleeting plance, but it looked like a typical alien to me.     This assumption is backed by an earlier radio weather update, in which the announcer blamed the storm for all the strange lights people have been reporting in the sky, possibly downed aircraft.

The trio of escapees run through the woods and stumble upon body parts…even in the wind and rain, they’re able to deduce its “The Mexican”.   Take looks behind a bush and sees one the creatures, this very gross, bloody humanoid looking thing, chowing down on an arm.  It gives chase.  There’s another…then another.  The Creatures look a lot like James Carville eating bar-b-que.  They’re scared.  So scared by the Creatures that they actually return to Briarcliff.

With the door open.

We then are taken back to Dr. Arden’s lab where the Nympho is coming to.   Since she laughed at the doctor’s tiny bubbles, he punishes her.  She is hobbled below each knee cap.   She isn’t going anywhere and its safe to say that her days of giving BJ’s are over.

I enjoyed tonight’s episode, creepy and strange as it was.

A couple of other items of note:   Lana the Reporter tried to get Dr. Threadson to give her Lesbian Teacher partner a message.   Due to his hatred of Sister Jude and her crazy ass ways, he agrees.   He goes to the teacher’s house, but she’s nowhere to be found.   If you remember, she was attacked by someone–or something.   Dr. Threadson found some blood on the carpet, but nothing else.   When he reports this to Lana, she’s worried and also finally convinced that Tate isn’t Bloody Face.

Okay, Miss Teach is missing.  What doees THAT mean?

Now, this episode began where last week’s left off:   with Bloody Face stabbing Adam “One Armed” Levine as she watches from the confines of a closed cell.   She thought she was safe.

Nah…

He burst through the door and started slashing her but Adam, despite being stabbed, minus one limb and about four quarts of blood, manages to attack Bloody Face from behind.  Wifey finishes him off with several two armed stabs and might I add, it was very much the same way/style in which Sister Satan stabbed “The Mexican”.

Hhhh’mmmm……

She grabs Adam and they attempt to escape the Asylum only to be knocked off at the pass by Bloody Face.  They turn and run the other way.  Lo and behold, there’s ANOTHER Bloody Face waiting for them.   There’s a whole freaking litter of these bastards roaming the halls.  One pulls a gun and shoots the couple.  They remove their masts to reveal two townies, trying to scare  tourists who come to the rubble of Briarcliff  for a good old-fashioned scare.   This time though, things got out of hand, to put it midly.

But as any karmic devotee knows,  what we put out in the world always comes back to us.  The two townies are then confronted by yet another Bloody Face.   This one had no bloody wounds on his chest.  They lay eyes on him and they’re scared.  Slack jawed scared.    Their fates are uncertain.   The opening theme started just as Bloody Face walked towards one of the guys, who resembled a  poor man’s Billy Mumy.

How many Bloody Faces are there?

What in the hell is going on here?   I’m even more perplexed than last year.

This episode while entertaining, was like this Hollywood screenplay on acid.  It included almost every genre of horror known to man:  demonic possession, human maming, murder, cannibalism, monsters, space aliens, criminal insanity and a very drunk head nun in charge.

Tonight, we saw that there’s a massive power play  underway for total control between Sister Jude, Sister Satan and Dr. Arden.   Sister Satan is pitting them against each other while getting her licks in.

Literally.

Scariest moment tonight?   A drunk  Sister Jude having a hit and run flashback while reciting in spoken word, the lyrics of “You’ll Never Walk Alone” from the movie and musical, “Carousel”.  Odd.

One of the funniest moments?   As Sister Jude announced the cast of the movie being shown in the common room, she called the magnificent Charles Laughton “a huge wuss”.

The portly Oscar-winning actor was gay or bi-sexual at the very least.

And lastly, very little was mentioned by Tate who was tied down to Dr. Arden’s examining table from Hell.  The doctor wanted to see if he had any more strange little mechanical shape-shifting spiders hanging around his jugular vein.  The doctor makes an incision, Tate screams and appears two scenes later with no marks or bandages.  The doctor also acts as if the spider was a spying device; something all about espionage from the KGB…the Germans… maybe even the Jews.   Everybody, he says, is interested in learning more about ‘his work”.

What exactly IS his work?  And what’s the connection with the bevy of Bloody Faces?  The neck dwellling spiters?  The human eating Creatures??   A Satanic nun?   So many attempts to usurp Sister Jude’s authority?   The aliens?  I have no clue.  All I know is that this is one crazy salad in an even crazier bowl with Satanic nuance dressing and Hollywood screenwriters trying to outdoor themselves each week, tossing it.

Pun completely intended.

Based on something Sister Jude’s said in next week’s preview, I wouldn’t be surpirsed if we find out that I’m more right than wrong in comparing Dr Arden to Dr. Mengele, the Nazi “Angel of Death”.

See ya next week.