American Horror Sstory/Asylum: Episode Five

My..my..my..my..my.

Dr. Threadson revealed he is Bloody Face.

Or did he??????

Why would the creative team of Falchuk and Murray shoot their wad so quickly?  I mean, the identity of the person behind Bloody Face is this season’s Latex Onesey Gimp.   And by the way, I still feel that one of last year’s MAJOR AHS plot flaws was a failure to reveal anything about this black shiny masochistic device, as in why Tate wore it.  Why he killed while wearing it.  We all knew he could kill without it.   Remember the exterminator in the basement?   There were other murders he committed without the suit as well.

So, why reveal five episodes in that Threadson is Bloody Face?

Okay, I’ll accept that he might be a murderer–he might even be the real Bloody Face,  but I’ll bet you ANY amount of money that BF version 2012 isn’t Threadson, unless he’s also gotten that Dorian Grey thing down.  Remember, this season takes place in 1964.   For Threadson to still be whacking and hacking today, he’d have to be in his 80′s.  The Bloody Face that attacked the haunted house touring honeymood couple, Adam Levine and the Mila Kunis/Selena Gomez clone in the first episode, sure was agile and fast for an octogenerian.

We’ll have to dissect this further once we learn more about Threadson and his plans diabolique for future female victims.

Meanwhile, LOVED the homage to Ed Gein with the nipple’s clearly visible in the lampshade made out of skin in Threadson fabu 60′s bachelor pad.   Old Eddie was one extremely interesting homicideal maniac who was the inspiration behind The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Silence of The Lambs.  He’d kill, rob graves and keep trophies of his exploits.   A chair made or real human args and legs, etc.

Even the candy bowl on Threadson’s coffee table was the top of a skull.   Cool, as was the trap door in his…uh “work room”.    If you remember, Threadson took a fancy to reporter Lana Winters and promised he could/would rescue her from Briarcliff.   He made good with her promise.   He walked her right out, put her in her front seat of his car and even told an aproaching gaurd sent by Sister Jude to find him, that he no longer worked at Briacliff.  In fact, he insisted that the guard tell her that “he never had worked there”.

Makes me wonder if he was ever really a shrink and just a well educated maniac who lied his way in to Briarcliff to find who or what he was looking for.  I mean, hey–for a serial murder with a penchant for crazy, asylums make victims ripe for the picking.   And after last night’s episode, it sounds almost like Lana will be spared because she’s a reporter and this murderous psychopath-slash- narcissist wants his story told.   Perhaps Lana will get the story, but she’ll have to go tbrough  HELL to get it written.  He took the face off of Lana’s lover who he attacked in episode two and made a mask out of it.    He crudely placed her teeth in and around the lips and asked Lana to give it a big old wet one.

Nercophelia is bad enough, but add dismemberment to the issue?????

Ed Gein was in to that, too.

Also, I’ve inclined to think that Grace (the French chick with the shag haircut) never went under the knife for her sterilization.  I think she was abducted by the aliens from her cell (which by way, looked very much like the one Adam Levine’s wife hid from Bloody Face in).   She was awakened by this approaching bright light and grinding metal on metal sound and just before we went to commercial, we were offered an extreme close up of Graces face and eventually her eye, and in a pinpoint light next to her pupil,  you could see an image of something–it was either an octopus….a Portuguese Man of War…..OR….one of the tentacled but benevolent aliens that greeted Jodie Foster on the familiar beach of her mind in the movie, Contact.

Did anyone else see that or was I just having an acid flashback?

Anyway, she’s on an examining table on some nebulous sound stage and has some strange encounter with Alma, (I think that’s her name)  which was Tate’s wife that was supposedly killed by Tate/Kit, but as we know, was actually abducted by aliens.   So does this mean Alma is alive and living happily among the aliens or….did they simply need to move into her body to appear human to dupe the humans??????   You know aliens are.

Anyway, the next thing we know, she’s sitting in the  Commons Room and bleeding vaginally.    Tate/Kit sees her and thinks she was sterilized.  Just then the guards come in with the police and arrest him for all the Bloody Face murders.   They say they have his taped confession.

Which was something Threadson made him do in an old reel to reel recorder under the guise if he heard what happened in his own words there would be a better psychological connected to what really happened–or some psycho-babble shit.  Threadson sent the tape to authorities giving them their Bloody Face and allowing Threadson to continue to thrill-kill willy nilly.

No, I don’t think Grace was sterilized.  I think she was either crudely impregnated by the aliens or had an impromptu hysterectomy, not sure which.  I say this because of the conversation he and Grace had in their adjoining cells.   There was a lot of talk about wanting children…especially how much he and his wife Alma wanted kids.  I feel there’s a connection there somewhere.

I also loved Chloe the hobbled nympho’s appearance at the bottom of the stairs near the school.   Sister Satan told Dr. Arden that she took her out to the woods.   Nah, she tossed her down the stairs just like Regan did with Father Karras at the end of The Exorcist.    The stairs even looked like the ones in the movie and lest we forget, the demonic connection is shared in the story line.  As we’ve learned over the past two seasons, Falchuk and Murray are not above pilfering (lovingly so) from their favorite horror movies.

Then there’s Anne Frank, supposedly Charlotte Brown, a housewife with one helluva bad case of postpartum psychosis.   After having her baby, she became obsessed with Anne Frank and assumed her identity.  Whether she’s Anne or not, she knew enough to be able to  completely out Arden as Herr Doctor Gruber or Gruper, an insidiously cruel Nazi SS  physician who toured the Concentration Camps performing ungodly experiments on inmates.

Eventually, Charlotte’s husband has to bring her back to Briarcliff–he can’t handle her and Arden performs a lobotomy on her.   She goes home and transforms into this Stepford Wife who’s in the process of throwing away all her Nazi homework.   But she didn’t get to all of the copies of photos and newspaper stories on the wall.    Just as episode five comes to an end, the camera keys in on one remaining photo hanging there.   It’s one of Hitler standing at a podium in the midst of some anti-Semitic/Final Solution speech and behind him is a scowling decorated SS officer and of course, it’s none other than,  Dr. Arden Gruper Nazi SS Angel of Death Sadist Tool.

Lastly,  did Sister Jude actually go out on the town, and with her red lipstick, seduce up a man at a bar and sleep with him?    Or was that just a fantasy of her previous life or of a life she wants to live outside of her monastic confines????    Arden did say he was going to press charges against her because Anne Frank lifted a gun off a visiting detective and shot Herr Doctor in the leg.  Just a flesh wound.

Sister Jude said the charges meant that it was over for her.  She was done.  Tooth pick inserted in the center and removed crumbless.

Here’s what I think:  Threadson will keep Lana hostage in his hellish lair o’death forcing him to write his biography….a hat tip to the movie Misery, perhaps.   Sister Satan will become increasingly more demonic and will form an unholy alliance with Arden to rule Briarcliff and with the help of the aliens, develop maniacal, imperialistic designs to eventually, THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ll bet Grace is pregnant.  Tate/Kit somehow gets a ‘get out of fail’ card and we’ll learn more about the human eating, forest dwelling creatures,  a sorority in which  the hobbled nympho will surely be blackballed.   Perhaps, the tubby teacher who saw her attempting to slither up the stairs near campus, will call the cops who’ll be able take her to the hospital where she might still be verbal enough to prove that she’s a prime example of Dr. Arden’s handiwork.

And then…maybe the Simon Wiesenthal-esque nazi hunter that Sister Jude contacted will finally get his man.

And in turn, so will Sister Jude.

Probably won’t be able to offer up an overiew of episode six next Wednesday.  I’m cooking for 11 people for Thanksgiving in my lovely, semi-well appointed new home.    I’ll be up to my armpits in dressing, cranberries and Kendrick holiday  mayhem.  See you back here for Episode Seven in two weeks.

Also, my epic piece on JFK assassination facts will be published Tuesday.  this year marks the 49th anniversary of his death in Dallas.  I’ve done a lot of research on regarding lots of little known facts about the case.   Interesting read, if I say so myself.

Until then have a great holiday, kids.

Oh and have a turkey leg for the hobbled Nympho.

American Horror Story/Asylum: Episode Four

A bar fly is admitted to Briarcliff for observation.

Mandatory, I suppose, and the reason why is that she took umbrage to a few anti-Semitic remarks by other bar patrons.   This enraged the petite Semite who apparently went Sharia all over the bar.     The long arms of the law embraced her and she ends up in Briarcliff, where ‘treatment’ is to begin the next morning.   This little morsel will serve as a delightful experimental blank canvas for the likes of a sadist like asylum hatchet man–and I mean that literally–Dr. Ardin.

Speaking of, he injects Chloe the nympho whose legs he hacked off right around the knee during last week’s episode with something that he says could would/could make her live forever.   I am assuming that she’ll soon be one of the creatures living on sloppy human seconds out in the woods.

Meanwhile, Lana The Reporter and psychiatrist, Dr. Threadson are becoming friends.  He admits to her that he doesn’t think she’s ill–ill being a big ol’ Lesbian and furthermore, he thinks he can cure what ails her.

Uh-huh.

Meanwhile, the new girl is in the Common Room writing someone with the monotonous Singing Nun warbling on the Victrola in the background.    Lana warns her that she’ll get a caning if anyone see’s her writing.   She puts her pen away just as Dr. Ardin strolls into the Common Room.  A look of recognition rushes over her face and she approaches him.

“You!” she screams.  “You were there!!!   At Auschwitz.  Don’t you remember me doctor?  I am Anne.   Anne Frank!”

And then there’s a tussle with the guards and we go to commercial.

Okay, let’s check the math of this new plot dealio.     Anne Frank was 15 when she died in Bergen-Belsen.  Now, had Annie survived as she explained to Sister Jude, she’d be around 34 in 1964.   Plausible for plot purposes?   I guess so.  The woman claiming to be Anne Frank looked 34-ish.   She explained that she had actually survived the Death Camp but was very sick with typhus during its liberation and in the ensuing mayhem, slpped by unnoticed.   She was able to recuperate and eventually married an American soldier who brought her to the States.   She said she learned of her celebrity status when she realized her diary had been published, but insisted on living an anonymous life in the US so the legacy of an amazing 15-year-old whose diary would become required reading for every school age kid on the planet…except maybe Afghanistan…would endure.

She also told Jude that she recognized Arden as  Hans Gruber a high-ranking Nazi SS physician who was stationed at Auschwitz, where Anne and several members of her family were initially taken after their arrest .  She said he practiced all kinds of horrific experiments, especially on women.   He’d pick an inmate, take her into his lab from Hell.  She’d return days..sometimes .weeks later as some kind of  spaced-out zombie.

Her character has the slightest German accent.   Nice touch.

Meanwhile, two detectives pay Briarcliff a visit.  They want to speak to Dr. Arden about roughing up that prostitute in Episode Two.  Remember the one he made wear a nun habit and show him her ‘mossy banks”.   She apparently pressed charges and told them about those kinky photos she found in a dresser drawer WHICH included Nazi stuff.

MOST RIDICULOUS SCENE OF THE EVENING

In Dr. Threadson’s treatment of Lana includes aversion therapy.  She’s forced to look at slides of women in various cheesecake poses.   She’s also been given morphine–I think–which makes her throw up periodically.  The theory is that she’ll soon associate a pic of a hot chick with abject nausea, hence aversion therapy.  When that doesn’t seem to work, he brings in an Ashton Kutcher lookin’ fella who’s nude and tells Lana to study his parts.   She does and nothing happens.   Threadson tells her to reach out and touch him, she does, then he tells her to touch herself.

She does, but only ends up puking.    A reaction I could have predicted.

As this goes down (or doesn’t go down) Sister Jude has gone to Briarcliff head collar in charge–we’ll call him Maxie Priest— to tell him that Dr. Arden has got to go.  He’s a perv and a war criminal.  When the Bishop asks her how she knows the latter bit o’info, she tells him that Anne Frank, the new inmate told her.  He looks at her with a feigned look of incredulousness–mainly because he knows that cat is a perv and a war criminal.  In fact, when Jude leaves his office, he calls Arden to tell him the jig up and to ‘take care of any housekeeping”.  Aw man, what a downer!!   He gets this news JUST as grabs a fresh new syringe with the hobbled nympho’s name on it.

Jude is also battling with the fact that Sister Satan has busted her about her drinking.  She told Maxie Priest that Jude was a drunken pile of crap when addressing the inmates after the movie during the storm.   She redeems herself and her guilt by threatening to beat AND neuter  Grace (the French chick) and Tate (whose accent gets more Bostonian as each episode progresses)  for getting caught having sex in the kitchen while making bread.

We also learn later that Arden still intends to have a little fun by forcing Anne Frank into his lab.  He’s angry that she’s been telling everyone he’s Nazi sadist, Dr. Hans Gruber.

She says  nien, nien!   He vas most certainly at Auschwitz.

Nien, nien insists Herr Doctor.   He’s from Scottsdale.

HA!   Great line.

He then locks the door so the fun can begin, but she pulls out a gun, one she pick-holstered from one of the detectives who came to Briarcliff to investigate Miss Mossy Bank’s accusations.  She shoots Arden in the thigh and demands he gives her the keys.   He does and when she opens the door, she finds the legless nympho in a various state of physical transformation.  Her face was all contorted.

Forgive me for saying this, but I looked at that screen and I know that was a banged-up Hank Williams, Jr–minus the beard, shades and attitude–lying on the filthy laboratory floor begging to be shot in order to be taken out of her his/misery.

IN CLOSING

Tonight’s episode was strange.   It was more disjointed than usual and almost completely devoid of Sister Satan who’s quickly becoming my favorite character.   Previews indicate she’ll be back next week BUT the big question is–will Lana be back?????

Threadson’s brief tour of duty at Briarcliff is almost up.  He told Lana that he fully intends to take her with him when he leaves.  He doesn’t know how he’ll do it, but he says she’s going home, which in plot-speak, is a cue for something dire to happen to one or both of them.

I think Threadson has the hots for Lana.   Her lesbianism is a kinky, turn on to him and her so-called treatment and cure are just ruses.     If he can free her from Briarcliff, perhaps he thinks she’ll be grateful and offer up a little sampling of her mossy banks.

Then again, he ALSO said that he saw a lot of himself in her.  Perhaps THAT means he’s a big old closet queen and by getting intoher  head (maybe literally speaking) he can wrap his head around his own homosexuality.

But before we put this bad boy to bed, let’s take a gander at the current character salad that’s being tossed before our very eyes:  we now have walking dead, flesh-eating forest creatures, carotid artery dwelling spiders, space aliens, serial killers that wear fleshy masks,  chronic masturbators (that scene with chronic handyman was HIGH-larious yet somewhat disturbing), Lizzie Borden ax wielding killers, more entrails on display than at a butcher’s shop, the reincarnation of Anne Frank, a Dr. Mengele wanna-be, lesbians, threats of sterilization, one hobbled nymphomaniac, a nunlet possessed by Satan him or herself and one fantasy of Lana winning a HUGE award for in-depth reporting of all the atrocities at Briarcliff.   Then the scene in which she explains how she escaped, segues to her entering Threadson’s office asking when they can begin therapy.   So then does that mean  her winning the award a fantasy?    Was it a flash forward?   A flash backward per chance?????

I think the writers are putting plot lines in a salad spinner and whatever manages to break the grip of centrifugal force and float our of the opening, gets inserted into the script that coming week.  Seriously.What’s left??   I guess  I’m waiting for the episode featuring a transgendered witch named Rolley, a Visigoth who’s into tartan plaids and a talking ocelot with a penchant for baking pretzels.

AHS is….was and always will be as illogical as a Pollock painting.   I don’t even think Dr. Arden could dissect its plotline appropriately.

Yet, I still watch.

See ya next week.