Raison d’être

This is me at age six. Dig the black bow in my hair!

My tribute to Rose Marie!!! That’s her on your right.

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On “The Dick Van Dyke Show”, Rose Marie portrayed Sally Rogers. The character was in her mid 40’s, a brash, scratchy voiced, tough broad from the 60’s. When she wasn’t crackin’ wise with her hip and happenin’ fellow lovers of the La Dolce Vita circa 1963, she was one of three comedy writers for the fictional “Alan Brady Show”.

Oddly enough, Sally rarely ever actually wrote any comedy. But she sure as hell typed it!! As the only female on the writing staff, she was relegated to typing all of the comedic baubles and gems spewed forth from her office mates, Rob Petri and the “Prince of Borscht Belch” comedy, a one Mr. Buddy Sorrell.

Sad, sad sexism.

To fill the void in Sally’s abused life as the comedy writer she never really was, I decided that when I grew up, I’d make it up to her.

I’d write comedy.

As you can see in my blog, I too have failed. But like Sally, I damned sure typed it all!!! Every word.

Before I lapse in to a bad rendition of “Won’t You Come Home Bill Bailey” in someone’s living room during a party, I will contin—ah screw it!

MY THOUGHTS ON BLOGGING

A blog, I am convinced, is the Schwab’s Drugstore of the new millennium.As the story goes, back in the 40’s in the Golden Age of Hollywood, an aspiring starlet named Lana Turner was supposedly discovered slammin’ back a pineapple ice cream soda at the counter of Schwab’s Pharmacy in downtown Hollywood. Is it a true story? Didn’t matter to other ambitious starlets who also went to Schwab’s all decked out in their 1940’s finery and spent day after day at corner ordering everything on the menu because if they weren’t buying they couldn’t stay seated at the counter. They were hoping, praying dreaming that they’d land the same fate as Lana.

They didn’t.

They left the Schwab’s counter weeks later unemployed, despondent and 30 pounds heavier.

ABOUT ME

I live in Houston and according to my mother, I’m a free lance Journalist. That’s her way of saying “unemployed”. I write comedy; do it for a living, in fact. So yes, this is supposed to be a humor blog.

Other than that, I’m only semi-single and working diligently at completing that delightfully vicious circle soon.

I’m right handed, but mentally ambidextrous. I have a cat named Charlotte and she’s a stunning Calico. We met ten years ago when I saw her drinking a Pina Colada at Trader Vic’s.

Her hair was perfect.

In addition to my brilliant abilities as a scribe, I frequently make jokes at other people’s expense and I have a mole on my mid-section that looks remarkably like Klinger from “M*A*S*H”.

TURN ONS: Those special sunsets;  Friday nights, incredibly smart and funny people,  full contact origami, knitting likenesses of celebrity testicles; a daily BM

TURN OFFS: Chlamydia, Polio, war; rude people; white or blackheads; seeing weevils in my cereal; Dennis Kucinich;  scabs that look remarkably like bacon

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PS. The phrase I use, “Oh, what fresh hell is this?” sounds like Shakespeare—- but it’s not. It’s how legendary American writer Dorothy Parker used to answer her phone.

It’s pretty much what I say whenever a new man enters my life!