Season-ings

Soon, I will be seeing the start of my 52nd Autumn.   

And yes, I know living here in Houston forbids me from actually seeing the summer end as the fall begins, but don’t feel too sorry for me all you Yankees.   I can still see a varied form of what you’re about to witness;   I’ m talking about  that incredible annual autumnal spectacle of arboreal color changes and falling leaves.   Truth be told,  I’m already seeing  the leaves change color,  but of course, that’s because of 41 consecutive 100 degree days.  But hey…dead leaves are dead leaves, right ?    Does the reason how or why  they died all that important in the grand scheme of things?    And so what if I’ll be looking at them while sweating profusely?

Even so, I’ll know when the fall is here.  All the signs are already pointing to its pending arrival.   Here it is late August and the days are already getting shorter.   I went walking this afternoon and the shadows are growing longer quicker.   And it’s getting darker earlier.  At 8:15 pm, I looked out my window and my balcony was illuminated by the street light.   And even though it’s hot here, you can feel an underlying change in the air.   Maybe its wishful thinking but I know I can feel the change.     I’ve always been able to feel it.

Okay, so I won’t be wearing my sweaters, leggings and boots any time soon.  So, I won’t be watching  the leaves change color per se, but for me, leaf viewing won’t be as nearly as important as  feasting my eyes on a 100-yard long field of very manicured grass divided in ten yard intervals by white chalky hash marks..  

Ah yes…football season  will begin soon and in  here Texas, that’s everything.   Hell, most of us cut our teeth on plastic kick off tees!!!

Make no mistake, football season is the hallmark of the autumn in the Lone Star State but there’s more to it than that…at least there is for me.  It’s personal. 

I love the fall.  For me, it’s the time of the year for renewal far more than the spring.   Detroit released its new cars.   There are all the new fall fashions to look at and wish I was young and thin enough to wear.    I have always loved the promise of the new school year.    The first cold front that eventually blows in, allowing cooler temperatures would prevail.   Plus, like a big leaf, I seem to always do a little falling myself in the autumn.  I seem to meet a great guy and fall in love more easily during this time of year.  I don’t know why.  Maybe I look better covered up by more clothing and in darker environs.

Oh, who cares.  I welcome the fall, regardless of how paltry it might appear to  be down in these parts.  It’s a wonderful time of the year.  

Look out men!!!

Aside from that warning, I’ll leave you with this seasonal joke:

A couple goes to an art gallery. opening.  They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves.
The wife doesn’t like it at all and moves on, but the husband stays put and just keeps  looking.
The wife  returns to her husband, still staring at the portrait.   She’s a bit annoyed and asks,  ”Well come on, let’s go.  What are you waiting for?”  The husband replies, “Autumn.”

So am I ya’ll; so am I….but for different reasons.  I’m not in to chicks, man.

Knock Off Toys: When You Can’t Afford To Give The Very Best

It would take less than five minutes for me to drive from my home to a well-known shopping area here in Southwest Houston commonly called “Harwin”.  

Harwin is actually a street on the city’s Southwest side and it’s home (as my grandmother would say) to, ”Every color of the damned rainbow”.  It is an area rich with Arabs and other Middle Easterners.  They live next to Latinos who are from countries MUCH further south of our border than Mexico and they’re neighbors with a slew of non-Occidental types.   I dare not even venture to guess their specific home countries, but suffice it to say that they all live and work in this area with few issues and their shops are wondrous places jammed packed with incredible “wrapped in plastic” things, floor to ceiling.

And at these stores, you can get incredible deals on “brand name” merchandise such as:

• Louis Vwitton handbags
• Coco Channel parfum
• Soney Playstations (with Panasonic guts, they’ll tell you)
• Oscar D. Larenta clothing
• Aramoni suits for men
• Ralph Lawren Pollo shirts (contrary to the title, these are not shirts with chickens on them) 

Ah yes, the knock offs. 

In Houston, Harwin is king when it comes to knock-offs and if ye seeks, ye will find some halfway decent stuff.   I mean, you won’t find great deals on the real thing.  These are fake and the prices reflect that–not to mention the quality, but it gives the everyman…and woman…..the chance to clutch or wear or take home a false semblance of how the proverbial ‘other half’ lives.  

Harwin is no different from being in New York.  I remember the last time I was in the Big Apple.  I was on Canal Street and heard hawkers standing by sidewalk tables shouting, “Louis Vuitton purses, here.  LV, ladies. Come on now!  Lawd have mercy!!”

The well hidden fashionista in me had to check it out.   I looked at his wares.  Oh, it LOOKED like Louis’ best–from a distance…and if you squinted, but up close, you knew it was a purse made of naugahyde and you could practically scratch the recognizable golden-colored L and V off the front. 

I would imagine every metropolitan city has its share of knock off districts like Harwin, but these cheap facsimiles aren’t limited to clothing or electronics, such as a Pannisonic clock radio and DVD player (with Sony guts, as the accented salesman will insist)

Toys have their knock offs, too.   For example: 

Behold!!!  It’s “Benign Girl”.  Why?  I guess that’s because “Malignant Female” was already taken.

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This is Spaderman. 

 

And I think you say it all together–like one big last name, as if he was Jewish.  I’m not even sure what’s with the wild eyes or the mouth.

Or how calling it, “Spaderman” even fits.  

Maybe that’s not webbing all over him.  Maybe he’s really a cock-eyed tailor who’s a smidge zaftig (for a man), suffers from rosacea and that’s just renegade thread all over his body from trying to make Mr. Leibowitz a nice shoit, already.

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Yeah, Nightmare Feddy is sweeping the nation. 

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Every little boy and gender confused girl will no doubt want…nay, DEMAND a “Robert Cop 3″ in their stockings this Christmas.

 

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Titanic-Bot sounds like ALL kinds of fun waiting to happen.   

At first glance, it’s an innocent luxury ocean liner–the pride of the White Star line and its large,  protruding rudder is the envy of every other vessel.

 

Then will a little digital maneuvering, you’ve got a robot.   What fun!!!

Some assembly required.   Iceberg sold separately.

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Every boy I KNOW wants a Prist action figure. 

This one comes complete with  cassock, a white collar, a large gold Plus Sign necklace and ten (count ‘em) TEN Diocesan transfers to smaller, out-of-state parishes once all the nasty “accusations” start to rear their ugly heads.

 

Some assimilation required.  Altar Boys sold separately.

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“Speed Racing”by Brick.  Marketed specifically for its “Handsome Appearance”

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Now, the obvious joke would here would be to say something like, “Oh yeah, the Pirate Cutlass.  Guess the Pirate Olds 98 or the Toronado was already taken”.

But I actually LEARNED something from this knock off toy.  I never knew what a cutlass was, other than some automotive line from Oldsmobile.   But it’s actually a knife.  Yeah, it’s a is a short, broad sabre or slashing sword with a straight or slightly curved blade, like the one you see here.

Who knew?   I will admit, didn’t.

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“Up in the air…It’s a bird!  It’s a plane?  Nah, it’s just SpecialMan”.

  

What gave it away?  The tiny head?   The odd, elbow macaroni shaped hands which for some reason, are the largest things on his body??

His talents include changing clothing in a phone booth, fooling with world with his uncanny disguise–black horn rimmed glasses and on his good days, he can count to seven.

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And finally…

 

Pocket Monica Jump-Jupm Chess.

HOW EXACTLY DOES ONE PLAY  JUMP-JUPM CHESS, POCKET MONICA????  

The instructions say, “Kick others back in the race-ahead game, but don’t get caught or you been kick out”.

How true.  How many times has that happened to me when I’ve unsuccessfully tried to Jump-Jupm Chess and got caught then kick out in this race-ahead game.

Gee, no wonder this game is a choking hazard.  

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PS…I was sent these photos as an email.  I didn’t get them from knockingoff.com or epicawesome or engrish.com,  but obviously, that’s where most of these photos came from.  Please support these links and tell ‘em, Laurie sent you…but I will gladly do as long as I’m not playing Prist or with my new Benign Girl.

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