Recipes For Disaster

But only if you don’t follow them AND if you don’t prepare them with love…for love.

Eeeeeeew!!!!  

Then is this a blog about cooking??? Rreally???   Has someone finally domesticated the unbridled Houston maverick???

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking–what the hell Kendrick doing posting a blog about recipes?  Perhaps, I am softening in my old age, but yes,  I am becoming something of a champion for the culinarian.

I do this by attempting to become one.   That said, I will announce

here and now before both of my readers that I do believe that I am quite possibly, simply, madly falling in love.  The object of my lunacy is  wonderful man who titillates eight of my five senses.  He is wonderful in ways that even I, wordsmith that I pretend to be, can’t even summate.  He is real and kind and generous with his time and his affection and spirit and the best part?  He’s not an evil or a narcissistic psychopathic blog troll.

He barely knows what a blog is.   Isn’t that great????

This ridiculously handsome and talented gentleman has Latin blood coursing through his venas and is quite the foodie.  Because of pre-existing conditions (progeny who have yet to learn of my involvement with their Pater), our Christmas will be spent together, but a few days early.   To celebrate, we are commemorating the birth of our lard–I am baking and going to great lengths to impress this man.  He already knows certain things about me that he loves (and accepts) and I feel it’s only fair to continue this on-going audition for the a supporting role in wifery, but this time, in the kitchen.

And yes, you read that right.   I plan on getting this coveted part based on my ‘performance’ on the casting counter.

So, here’s what I’m planning to prepare in order to properly seduce this man through his gullet.   And this time, it will be just vis a vie baked goods.  I will plan an all out gastronomic assault through my Mediterranean cooking prowess at some other holiday.  

My fail safe Ass Kicking Brownies.

 Now, while not homemade, these have been known to make grown men cry and write love letters to portly  actress, Kathy Bates for no apparent reason.

  • Take a box of any brownie mix with walnuts.  
  • Prepare as directed, BUT add om 1/2 heaping cup of malt powder.  Even Ovaltine will work in a pinch.  
  • Mix in, pour into lightly greased pan BUT…for the extra added ooooomph,  once the batter has been poured, place whole Treasures milk chocolate caramel candies (by Nestle) in the batter about a half-inch to an inch apart.  Make sure the Treasures are submerged in the batter. 
  • Bake as directed and then let cool. 
  • You can cover it with chocolate morsels, marshmallows and/or  a light dusting of powdered sugar….if your pancreas in amenable.

The photo below has the caramel on the top.  I prefer to puut it in the body of the brownie.   Either way, these scumptious confections are one bodacious yum fest.   Pure ass food, cause it will make it grow.  

 f

There is a famous cafeteria in Texas called “Luby’s”.  It was at one time, one of the best places to eat.  Great food with a homestyle spin and one of the best things that cafeteria ever produced was/is a Butternut Brownie Pie (or as we called it “Luby’s Pie”).  Made with merengue, pecans and bits of graham cracker.  It’s sweet but not overly so, light and airy and simply delicious.

Ingredients:

  • 4 extra-large Eggs Whites, at room temperature
  • 1/8 teaspoon Baking Powder
  • 1/8 teaspoon Cream of Tartar
  • 1 1/4 cup granulated Sugar
  • 14 Graham Cracker Squares, broken into 1/2 inch pieces
  • 1 cup Pecan Pieces
  • 1 cup Whipping Cream
  • 1/2 teaspoon Vanilla
  • chopped Pecans

Directions:

  1. Heat oven to 300 degrees. Lightly grease 9-inch pie plate. 
  2. In large mixing bowl, beat egg whites and baking powder until soft peaks form. Add cream of tartar, beating constantly. Add 1 cup of the sugar, a tablespoon at a time, beating constantly until stiff peaks form. Using rubber scraper,fold in graham crackers and pecan pieces. Spoon into pie plate 
  3. Bake 30 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool completely on wire cooling rack.
  4. In chilled small bowl using chilled beaters, beat cream just until it begins to thicken. Add remaining 1/4 cup sugar and vanilla and continue beating until stiff peaks form. Do not over beat.
  5. Top pie with whipped cream. 
  6. Sprinkle with pecans and refrigerate until served.

Here’s the incredible finished product.  The merengue stiffens and crisps up ever so slightly and the graham cracker and pecans add a wonderful texture.  Delicious. 

I made this for myself and a few friends last year.  It was so good I wanted to sex myself up.

And I did.

Lastly, the baking tour de force of the desert persuasion wouldn’t be complete without a representatives from the World of Cookies.   I have one nominee for this category.  It’s a cookie I saw St. Paula of Dean prepare on her Food Network Show.

She calls them “Hidden Mint Cookies”.    Simple recipe, but since I don’t like mint and if Mama don’t like mint in her cookies, Daddy don’t neither.  Therefore, I’m going to make a slight adjustment.

Ingredients:

  • 18-ounce roll refrigerated sugar cookie dough (make sure its cold and stiff) sliced 1/4-inch thin
  • 14-ounce package chocolate mint wafers (like the smaller York Peppermint Patties, I suppose.  But I’ll use the leftover Treasures Chocolate Caramels that I didn’t use in making my Ass Kicking Brownies.  Now, keep in mind that because the cookie is small, cut the Treasures pieces in half.  Trust me, this slight recipe adjustment is a winner!!!)  
  • 1 egg, beaten
  • 1 tablespoon coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans, or enough to cover top of cookies

Directions:

  1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
  2. Slightly grease a cookie sheet. Place slices of sugar cookies on sheet, about 2 to 3 inches apart.
  3. Top each with a chocolate wafer or carmel.  Cover wafer with another slice of cookie dough and seal around the perimeter.
  4. Brush dough with a beaten egg.  Press nuts into top of dough.
  5. Bake for about 10 minutes.
  6. Let cool completely.  

Absolutely stellar with a glass of cold milk.

So, there you go.  This new man in my life makes me happy.   I feel like I’m on emotionally solid footing for the first time in….well, perhaps the very first time ever in my adult life. 

This will be our first Christmas together and hopefully, our last one apart.  Because of my relationship drought in recent years,  I’m not in the habit of publicly professing my undying emotions for a man, but this one is special.  He’s special enough for me to cook for, bake for, shave my legs for, think about constantly, blog about occasionally and forget about any other man who came before him.

 h

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6 comments

  1. I have to add that my little sister makes mean sausage and peppers-my hubby’s most favorite Italian food. She’s the type of “chef” who can cook with wine and it’s devine.

    Merry Christmas, y’all!

  2. Let me just say those Brownies are to die for! She made them for our “girls weekend” and I think I ate the whole pan! I am making them for Christmas.

  3. I only wish you had the recipe for the taco meat Suzie (I think that was her name, the housekeeper) made! I smell that meat cooking now! I remember the smell, taste, the fried corn tortillas…see if you can’t come up with that recipe! There was just enough grease in the meat to make it good, I don’t remember any tomato base to it, seems like there could of been either onion or bell pepper added with some spices. Best tacos I have ever had.

  4. Cheryl, I think Susie boiled the hb meat along with a green onion (white part only) and a green pepper. I don’t think she used chili powder because it wasn’t reddish. She might have used comino and I know salt. She fried the tortilla shells which made them so much better than store bought (actually I’m not sure taco shells were even thought of way back then).

    I haven’t tried making them that way, ever. I would probably mess things up to where they wouldn’t be edible!

    *****

    She did just that, Sister. She boiled it and I can remember seeing a very well cooked bell pepper floating around in that mixture that for some reason, she always put in a white, squared Pyrex bowl for serving purposes. I don’t know what I remember that. She seasoned it with garlic powder, cumino and salt and pepper and it was, I swear the best taco I ever ate. I thought boiled meat was something the British had down, but now Little Mexicanito women who worked for Anglo slave masters and their “priveledged progeny” did, too.

    She’d grade cheese too and serve it with lettuce and tomator but I’d only add on cheese. OUTSTANDING.

    She also made great fried chicken, if memory serves. What a great cook. I can still see her in her little white outfit moving from room to room with our uber long wall plug-in vacuum hceaner hose wrapped around her neck and shoulders like giant bandoleros.

    She was supposed to “serve” at your wedding, but I remember her getting quite drunk on champage, flirting with the married men.

    Wonder if she’s still alive.
    LK

  5. Serve at my wedding? Doing what? Washing plates? I remember Kathy, Dawn and Joan doing something. Don’t remember too much-twas almost 35 years ago!

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