Thank You, Uncle Bob! Advice Taken

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This is a response to a previous post

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Dear Uncle Bob,

Thank you for your letter.  It contained sage advice.  

You know, I’ve lived a very interesting life and  I’ve rarely held back doing what I’ve wanted to do.  Accomplishing this was more pressing in my younger years.   But make no mistake, I had a good time just living.   But back then, I suppose I felt as thought I had all the time in the world to make errors.   I don’t feel that way now.   I’m learning the defitinion of “finite” with the passing of each and everyday.   Want to know something else, Uncle Bob?  I’m OK with the past four decades.   I can look back on my life and smile for the most part.  That being said,  I really don’t have any regrets regarding what I’ve done….but rather, who I’ve done.    But those demons have been released and I continue working on forgiving myself for any indescretion that 25 years later, still makes me cringe.   Very soon I’ll wake up and realize that’s rapidly moving water under a very steadfast bridge.

Even so, turning 50 has taken my mind to the most irrational places.   Worry, fear…have I done enough in my life?   The answer to that question is yes and at 50, I still have plenty of time to affect change where needed and really, I have nothing to fear.  Intellectually, I know this.    It’s just that the numbers of  five and a zero, loom large.    

I will turn 50 whether I want to or not.   As long as I continue to draw breath, aging is an unavoidable fact of life.   I’ll soon accept that.   In the few waning weeks I have left of living in the 49th year of my life, I’ll just talk myself down from  that miserable,  lonely ledge and be grateful for everything.   I appreciate this new mindset. I’m beginning to see that every mistake I’m made was actually a positive move.    In other words, I’ve often been right, even when I was wrong.

And you know better than most, Uncle ,  life is very hard.   On good days–if we’re lucky–for many of us, all we can aspire to is just  settling at the level of  “maddening”.    It’s not always easy living in  the constance effigy and apogee of existance.   But this–be it good, bad or indifferent–is our lot in life.   To quote Dorothy Parker, might as well live.

I can make no promises–I’ve learned better than to do that,  but I will do my best to start loving better and being loved better.  I’ll read more, be less cynical, be silent more, go inward more and count my soul’s blessings more often.   I might try Ethiopian food, learn what Samhain is all about,  learn the Tanakh, learn more about fiscal and emotional charity  and all the while, I’ll doff  that weight loss nonsense that’s plagued me my entire life and just live life a little easier.

Certainly sweeter.

Here’s proof:

I didn’t even give  them a chance to melt.

Thanks Uncle Bob.     Your wisdom is always welcome here.

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Love,

Laurie

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Advice from Uncle Bob

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Dear Laurie,

I know you have a pivotal birthday coming up and while presents are wonderful and I have no problem in obtaining one for you, I thought this 50th birthday of yours deserved to be a little special, so my gift this auspicious year will be different.

I’ll preface this letter by telling you that I think I’ve only recently learned that life is about risk, taking chances and at least, occaisionally glimpsing over that scary proverbial edge.  As you know, I just turned 74 in January and I’ve come to the sad conclusion that I’ve spent my life in a safe  vacuum, unwilling to do anything that might affect my health, well being and longevity. 

But all I did was compromise my happiness.  

I reflect back on my life, as I’m sure your doing, and I didn’t think I had any significant regrets, but I do.    Your Aunt Stella and I were too frightened, for reasons that I can’t even fathom now.  We read every self help book; believed every news report about the evils of eggs, saccharin, beef, red M&M’s, alcohol consumption and smoking.

What predicated this letter to you?  Realization mostly, inspired by a recent visit to a new doctor.    

After the first check up when the test results came back, he called me back into his office.  I asked him how I was doing medically.  He told that I was fine “for a man of my age”.  As the family knows,  I’ve tried to live the healthiest life possible, but even so, his response alarmed me.  

So, I asked him, “I’m not sure what that means. I consider myself to be a very careful, very healthy 74 year old guy. I’ve tried to live by the book, so what do you think, Doc?   Will I live to the age of 80 and beyond, maybe?”

The doctor just looked at me and cocked his head.  ”Well, answer a few questions for me.  Do you drink alcohol of any kind to any degree?   What about drugs?  Do you eat red meat, Bar-B-Q beef and pork with all the trimmings and endure periods of stress and insomnia?”

“I do none of those things.   I sleep fairly well, too!”

He squinted his eyes.  ”Do you work out?  Race cars?    Do you gamble, bowl, watch sports, play pool, have evenings out with the guys?”   

“Oh no, no!  I exercise in moderation only.  I don’t want to risk injury. Gambling is a vice I want to live without, thank you and sports is nothing but relatively civilized savagery”.

He asked, “No lifting weights, crunches?”  

“Never.  Plus I rarely socialize.  My wife is my best friend.  It’s pretty much just her and I.  We watch educational TV and documentaries and we ONLY listen to classical music and the occasional opera.  Candide and La Boheme are my favorites.  And I’d never risk life and live by driving fast.  In fact, obey all speed limits.  I’m proud to admit that I drive conservatively in my American-made sedans.  Had them all my life.”

He continued on with this questioning.  ”Do you like being in the sun, sailing, playing golf, swim, tennis, jogging, cycling or hiking?  What about yard work?

“I do none of those things. I’m extremely fastidious.  I hate getting dirty.   As I’ve told you, I live life very safely.  I don’t tempt fate.   Unprotected exposure to natural sunlight  is a carcinogen!”

He then asked, “What about sex, in your marriage bed or extramaritally?”

“Oh no!” I answered him.   My wife and I care for each other, but we agreed to stop having sex 17 years ago.  We figured our bodies didn’t need the over exertion.   We’re celibate and we couldn’t be closer!  Nor would I or could I ever even contemplate an affair with some tarted up floozie.  I believe in the sanctity of marriage and celibacy only adds to the quality of ours!”

He looked puzzled and removed his glasses.  ”Really?  All you’ve told me is  true?”

I proudly responded “Yes!!.   So lastly,  do you think I’m going to live long enough to reach 80?”

He shook his head.   “With the way you’ve lived your life, why would you even give a shit?”

Needless to say, that gave me pause.    

I started thinking about what he said and frankly, that’s convinced me that I’ve probably never actually lived my life.  I merely existed in it.  I merely experienced whatever came my way.  I never sought anything.   Life happened and fear of something I’m not even sure of forced me to live under a rock and, I suppose, a bunch of lies.   Namely those which I told myself. 

I don’t want you to wake up 30-years from now and wonder if you’ve done enough, read enough, loved enough, been loved enough, helped others enough and laughed enough.   I don’t want you to die without ever having seen Barcelona or the Turks and Caicos islands.   I want you live your life and take chances.   It’s completely worth the risk.  Live your life in Technicolor, Laurie.   It’s like that damn candy commercial, Laurie:  that one that urges young consumers to feel the rainbow.

You’ve got a lot of life ahead of you.  In many ways, the best part of your life has yet to unfold.   Grab it and go.  Anticipate all the wonders that are being laid out before you.   In many ways, turning 50 is a gift.  It really is.   Maybe you don’t regard it as such now, but you will in time. 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must end this tome and make plans for this evening.   I’m taking your aunt Stella out for a romantic dinner and dancing.   I’m thinking steaks and a terrific Pignot… maybe a bottle or two.   Then, I’m calling the municipal airport to inquire about skydiving lessons for this Saturday and if I can secure a lesson at that time, I plan on driving above the speed limit to get there faster, while listening to rock music on the radio and eating peanut M&M’s.    

I hope they melt in my hand.   

Regrets, Laurie;  they’ll age you before your years.  So, carpe anos, Darlin’!! And have fun on your birthday.  Hope it’s a great one!

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Always, 
Uncle Bob

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