Future Shock

 

Washington, DC

Mid January 2009

Hillary Rodham Clinton is the nation’s new president. She was sworn in today.

With the First Husband indisposed at the newly opened West Wing Hooters, Mrs.Clinton is very excited about spending her very first night alone in the White House.

Her White House.

It’s no secret that Hillary has waited her whole life for this..

She is happy; she is content; SHE is in finally in power. She’s ready to rule the country with an iron penis.

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THE FIRST NIGHT

Hillary is in the presidential bathroom, shaving the day’s growth from her beard, when she feels a cold breeze. She looks around thinking a window might be open, BUT NO!!! It’s mid January in Washington DC. It’s 18 degrees outside!!

She then feels the presence of someone—or something else– in the bathroom with her.

She looks into the mirror and sees the reflection of an opaque figure hovering in the air behind her. Hillary turns around suddenly and lo and behold—-it’s the ghost of the country’s first president, George Washington.

“Muh…Muh…Mr. President”, Hillary stutters. “What are you doing here?”

George looks at her and says, “I’ve come to you this night, to wish America’s first woman president good luck and to see if I can impart some wisdom, if you’d like”.

“Yes please Mr. President; I’d be honored to hear anything you have to say. I’d love some advice. I guess I’d like to know how might I best serve my country?”

George just kind of floated there for a second and then said, “Well, for one thing, always be honest. Never….NEVER tell a lie”.

And with that, Hillary winced and thought about Whitewater, Vince Foster’s death and of course, her secretive gender reassignment surgery in Stockholm back in ‘74.

Then she said, “Ouch!! Sheeesh….well, er uh…I uh…I don’t know about that one, Mr. President!”

Suddenly, with a harp glissando and an audible poof!, he was gone.

Hillary finished shaving and went to bad.

 

THE SECOND NIGHT

Hillary is in bed and reading the latest Playboy when she feels another cold breeze.

She looks up and in the corner of the room, it’s the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

“Mr. President!”, shouts Hillary. “I can’t believe it’s you!!”

“Well, it is. It’s me”, said Jefferson. He’s wearing a pen that says Sally Hemings RULEZ!! . He added, “I’m here to offer you some advice. Always listen to the people, for it is them that you serve!!”

“Oh, Mr. President. I’ll do exactly what you say. You’re right. It IS all about the people!”

POOF!!! The ghost of Jefferson disappeared.

 

THE THIRD NIGHT

Hillary is back in her bedroom, sitting at her desk, updating Nixon’s enemies list when the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appears beside her.

“Oh, President Lincoln. I have always admired your brilliance and leadership. I was hoping that you’d appear before me as the other presidents have.”

“I am here, Mrs. Clinton. I am here”.

With tears of admiration in her eyes, Hillary asked, “Please tell me Mr. President, in your opinion, how might I best serve my country?”

To which Lincoln replied, “Go to the theater!!!!”

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