Mahmoud In the City

My friend, Miriam Lansing’s husband’s brother’s next door neighbor’s great nephew’s college roommate, Donnie, is a bellhop at the hotel where Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stayed during his recent trip to New York City. Donnie’s girlfriend works in the hotel’s Housekeeping department.

While she and her crew were cleaning Ahmadinejad’s suite, she found the Iranian potentate’s photo diary of his New York visit. She stole it. (Obviously, her therapy regarding her issues with kleptomania isn’t going as well as Donnie’s family had hoped!)

But we’re pretty darn happy about it, because Miss Sticky Fingers had the good sense to send the stolen booty to us here at Laurie Industries. We were told to do with it whatever we wanted.

Well, we wanted to publish it, so here it is.

*******************************************************************************

DAY ONE:

Dear Diary,

America is nice country. People here greet me on side of streets with many sign. Here is photo of me after making touch ground at Kennedy F. John Airport.

See? Mahmoud very happy!! Big smile. Proof to Americas that me is nice guy, sure!

.

The nice peoples gave me tour of New York. We went all over to see sights and famous things. Here is me at Tall Green Statue Liberty Lady with Torch Standing in the Water. I wave back at her.

Again, I happy to be in America.

.

DAY TWO:

Here I am at foot of Empire Building of State looking up. Yes, I like tall building….is nice. Here is happy photo of me proving I like.

.

DAY TWO AFTERNOON:

Food very good in New York. Many tasty bistros. After rowdy UN address, I very hungry. Here is picture of me ordering two house specials at counter at “Osama’s Wings and More” on East 83rd.

.

And here is picture of me to enjoy pretty view of ducks in pond in Central Park.

OOOPS!!!! How did THAT get in there????

.

DAY THREE:

Here is photo of me in meeting.

I no want to go big Jewish settlement called Brooklyn. I ask body guard and security detail to please passover that place. They say no!!! Must go. So, I say OK. I be nice, smile and shook the Great Satan’s hand anyway.

.

LAST NIGHT IN NYC:

Me feelings still hurt about audience response at Columbia when I say “no homosexuals in my country, Iran”.

My security mens say last night in city must be spent out and about. Take my mind off feelings from speech. We go to inspect famous New York City night life.

Here is me and nice guy I meet name Lance at “The Manhole”, a club in very friendly part of New York called “The West Village”.

.

Lance teach me new American words such as “fabulous” and “I’m a bottom”.

.

Well, I try and go sleep because it’s been very long night and my buttocks have pain.

So, goodbye for now, Dear Diary. More tomorrow from home in Tehran, inshahallah!!

Allah Akbar and long live ME!!!

XXOO,

Moody

.