High School: I Remember When

It is said that right before you die, your life flashes before your eyes; that in the waning moments of your corporeal existence on this Earth, you’ll remember everything you ever said, did, thought, tasted, smelled, felt and in a fraction of a second, no less.

Maybe.

But I also think this is included in the natural process of aging. The more removed we are from our youth, the more we’re inclined to think about it; to remember it. And taking natural order one step further, the farther we are from childhood, the closer we are to death.

Well, if that’s the case honey, then borrow a black dress from Rose Kennedy, because I’m probably dying soon. My life’s temps perdu (the good, the bad, the indifferent) have been foremost on my mind lately.

In the threadbare oeuvre that is this blog, I’ve written some posts about the toys I played with as a child. My youth. That in turn, got me thinking about my High School days.

I loathed High School.

Why?

Well, probably because it represented so much….the end of my youth, the beginning of adulthood and everything in between.

But I must admit that the road that was my High School matriculation wasn’t completely paved with repugnant memories.

Between my Freshman and Senior years, I fell in love twice; got my driver’s license and was game to trying many new and different things–most things could’ve put me in Sister Rhonda’s Wayward Girls Home and Car Battery Emporium.

On the straight side, I was a cheerleader; named “Miss Congeniality” in a beauty pageant. I was a class officer several different years, Editor-In-Chief of the yearbook; I was “Best Actress” in District U.I. L One Act play competition and my Senior year, I was named “Wittiest Girl” and a Sweetheart/Duchess in the Homecoming Court.

And when my parents horrific divorce dragged me into its clutches my Sophomore year, I learned that life sometimes hurts.

A lot.

Oh yes, make no mistake: I received an education in and out of the classroom.

I’ve mentioned before that small town life was good to a point. When I entered high school, I found it to be a restrictive environment. Finding new, different and entertaining things were few and far between. I mean, how many times can you remove the “L” from the word public from the facade of the Karnes City Public Library and still get a thrill out of it?

We grew up with many limitations.

That’s why for us small town kids, high school was everything—it was an integral part of our socialization; much more so than our big city counterparts.

So, here’s a Karnes City High School primer and a look back at my days as a nubile school girl who studied and toiled within it’s hallowed halls.

Let’s begin with a formal introduction to our school mascot: the Badger.

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Badgers…from the phyla Mustelidae: the same mammal family as ferrets, weasels and otters.

Aggressive little critters as “diggers” go.

Our team’s battle cry before every game, was “Stop or we’ll burrow you”.

God, we lost a lot of games.

But that didn’t matter. This is Texas….and as Texans, we’re born and raised with football. The first things I learned how to say as a tiny toddler were “Mama”, “bye-bye” and “Hey Ref, pull your head out of your ass, you blind bastard!! That wasn’t interference!!”

Our school colors were orange and black. Yes—baby aspirin, prison trusty jumpsuit and carrot—orange. And didn’t THAT lend itself to Halloween jokes!!

Here’s a relatively current shot of the mighty Karnes City Badgers in action on the gridiron.

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At least, I think this is a shot of the Badgers. The uniforms have changed quite a bit in the 30-years I’ve been away.

So, here’s a team, anyway defending their home turf against a green and white contender who’s called either the Bobcats, Foghat or the Fockers–I can’t quite read their jerseys.

As you can plainly see, calf development is big in Karnes City.

So were appetites.

Here’s a picture of our cheerleading squad at practice.

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Yes, that’s me being hoisted up in the air to make a salient cheerleading point about victory or spirit or weight vs. gravity.

Mikey “Legs” Horowitz was my base…you know, he lifted me up during our cheer routines. He had to go into the hospital the next day. I remember hearing that it was severe spinal compression or something. Guess he’d been wearing the wrong kind of shoes.

By the way, this photo was taken not long after I discovered carbohydrates.

We had twirlers, too. In true Texas tradition, we sometimes called them “Majorettes”.

They were a rowdy bunch. They constantly got into trouble with the school board because of their incredibly suggestive uniforms, which at times, actually showed a little thigh.

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By the way, one was a guy.

Paul “Skippy” Kramer was the first male twirler in KCHS history. He’s easy to spot; he’s the rather homely one who’s smiling with short, dark hair.

He’s holding a baton; one hand is on his hip and one of his knees is raised.

Back in the late 70’s, we had a virtually all female faculty at good ol’ Karnes City High School. Fortunately for our male students, there was no teacher dress code.

Or a code of conduct for that matter.

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One of these lovelies was named “Favorite Teacher” by the male members of the KCHS Senior class of 1975. Receiving the vote unanimously was none other than Spanish teacher, Seniorita Maria Conchetta de la Spermatazoa who hails from Swallows, Georgia.

Mr. Bruce was our Band Director and Drama Coach. Interestingly enough, he favored the male students. He insisted on giving them rub downs before every drama club meeting and play rehearsal.

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He’s seen here in his costume from the Karnes City Little Theater’s all male production of “Jailhouse Cock—The Musical: One Rooster’s Story of Redemption”.

Mr. Bruce reprised his role as “Head Inmate”.

I excelled in athletics…namely track. I was encouraged by the kind yet probing hands of our Girls’ Track Coach and P.E. teacher, Gladys “Hank” Pomeranz.

coach.jpg.

Our high school had a Glee Club but it was small and made up primarily of members of Karnes City’s small, cloistered Muslim community. Outside of school, some members formed an all girl singing group. They sang 50’s doo-wop songs and called themselves, “The Minarettes”.

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They were quite popular and had nice voices. On nights and weekends (after sundown) they’d play the “circuit” as we’d call it. They’d regularly sing at weddings, private parties…..bar mitzvahs.

I didn’t know them well or talk to them much. They kept to themselves mostly, but I’d overhear their conversations from time to time. As best I could tell, they each had a brother named “Shaheed” or something like that. Must be a common name among their people.

Even so, I thought their act was explosive.

I was popular, relatively speaking, and made it a point to be nice to all my fellow classmates. That was important to me. I even befriended Mbutu, the foreign exchange student from Namibia. We couldn’t converse very well together–her English was horrible and I didn’t understand “Click”, but she was nice.

Going to lunch with her in the school cafeteria was interesting. As you can see, I was forced early on to learn the significance of that old adage—you can take the girl out of Namibia, but you can’t take Namibia out of the girl.

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In early 1976, Mbutu was thrilled when she finally saved enough money to buy something she’d wanted all her life…..her very own 20- inch, solid state color TV.

She was in a neck brace for two months!!!

Prom: the pinnacle of the High School social season.

I was excited about the prospect of going to my first one…the legendary Junior Prom, 1976. Everyone who was anyone would be there. The theme that year was “Stairway to Heaven”. It promised to be a magical evening.

Here I am, soliciting a date two hours before the Prom started.

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As it turned out, I didn’t get to go….something about a police undercover sting operation.

But I went to the Prom my Senior year and I pulled out all the stops. I lost weight, got my hair done and bought a new dress.

Here I am with my date, Kevin “Tard” Jenkins.

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Kevin was the president of the Chess Club, the Debate team and in 1975, he headed up the Teen support branch of the “Young South Central Texas Moderate Gentiles and Social Democrats for Lyndon LaRouche for President Yet Again” campaign.

Then of course, the next big event in my Senior year was graduation. My, my, my….that happened so very long ago. Longer than I care to remember.

Here’s a photo of my graduating class.

Mathew Brady was the photographer.

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.

High School….I remember it well.

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23 Responses

  1. This is hilarious! Thanks for a good laugh!

    nannylauren - September 7, 2007 at 9:18 am
  2. Thanks for the stroll down memory lane. Now I remember why I played football and stayed away from the Band Hall. I’m looking forward to old age and memory loss.
    How about a piece on the teaching staff at old KCHS and our janitoral crew–the frito bandito–or the smoke that poured from the teachers lounge at the bell each hour.

    idahore - September 7, 2007 at 10:58 am
  3. Obviously all the pictures of your good self were authentic, but I am a bit dubious about the one of the badger. The ones we have are cute, cuddly piebald creatures. And I don’t remember them having those viscious looking canine teeth. Is the Spanish teacher the girl in purple? I bet she could teach me a thing or two!

    Martyne - September 7, 2007 at 11:08 am
  4. Loved this post, L! Laughed all the way from the top when the badger made the appearance.

    Emon - September 7, 2007 at 11:29 am
  5. I have just laughed my ass off. And that was a lot of laughing!!!! I think the stuffed Badger still looks like the one in the picture only hairless!!!! Yes, that is “the” mighty badger football team. You forget about the wonderful twirlers. We were very valuable to the school, ha ha.

    cherylkay - September 7, 2007 at 11:35 am
  6. By the way, one was a guy

    My guess is that he’s the pretty one.

    Tom Allen - September 7, 2007 at 8:12 pm
  7. This needs to be made into a movie, complete with the author’s voice-over.

    Laurie, you are the Queen of the blogosphere!

    scottdammit - September 7, 2007 at 9:44 pm
  8. Your school mascot: Ferocious, aggressive . . . a congressman. Is that another picture of Dennis Kucinich?

    Very, very funny post! Sorry about your junior prom. Leave it to small-town cops to ruin everything for the kids.


    Greg, we’re gonna have to jump the broom now because I was thinking the same thing when I first saw the badger’s face. Chilean fruit bat…Kucinich….Badger.

    He just has GOT to win the presidency. He’s got to be elected. Without him, I’m completely out of material!

    Greg - September 7, 2007 at 11:48 pm
  9. No, you’re not out of ideas.

    Greg - September 8, 2007 at 4:56 am
  10. Kendrick, you are one seriously f’d up woman! I laughed at this story so hard, my wife actually came into the room to make sure I was OK.

    I laugh at your material regularly, but this one, was hilarious squared.

    Very, very funny.

    Alphabets - September 8, 2007 at 7:49 am
  11. Thanks, for the great story. You really are an incredible writer and I know you’ll always have something wonderful, funny, and outstanding for us to read. Again , thank you for your wonderful stories!!!!

    christine - September 8, 2007 at 7:59 am
  12. Hilarious. God, I needed this. Thanks, Linda

    Linda - September 9, 2007 at 1:37 am
  13. Very funny. I hated high school the way Bush hates thinking.

    Steve - September 9, 2007 at 3:50 pm
  14. My god! This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. I loved it. Not sure where you got the pictures (the one of the exchange student was hilarious!!!) but every one was perfect.

    I’m still laughing.

    RunsWithScissors - September 9, 2007 at 10:15 pm
  15. Muwahahahaha!!!!
    Badgers are mean lil fuckers. Or fockers. Or foghat.

    :)

    bagel - September 11, 2007 at 2:58 pm
  16. I love this! LOVE IT!

    Badgers? At least it was something fairly common. My high school’s mascot was a Stonecutter! A man with a hammer and chisel!

    Mamacita - September 16, 2007 at 12:57 pm
  17. Thanks for this story–I loved it. Not many people can make me laugh out loud–but I just added you to that short list.

    Great stuff!

    -Murphy

    mklasing - September 24, 2007 at 7:53 am
  18. wow - was just searching for a picture of a badger….

    that was very, very funny, me lady!

    steven - December 15, 2007 at 8:52 am
  19. I was looking for a badger pict too, and at first I took the text seriously! :-) ahahaha, nice one ;-)

    Riki - February 4, 2008 at 6:32 am
  20. That badger was the funniest thing I have ever seen.

    Katie - February 10, 2008 at 3:48 pm
  21. [...] Kendrick see the world through an interesting lens. Read Koncept Amerika and The Crisper. For a really fun time, see High School: I Remember When. [...]

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